Monday, July 10, 2006

...if everybody jumped off a bridge would you?

So I went to wedding on Saturday of a associate that I have known since the 7th grade...it was a really nice wedding and I was glad to be there...

Later on Saturday night, the mother of my god-sons sent me a text message and to let me know that she had gotten ENGAGED to their father...They are truly a wonderful couple, they really love each other and their sons...so I couldn't stop smiling about that ALL day on Sunday!

Two of the 13 of my line sisters have already gotten married, one of them just had her(their) first child this past March, and another one is getting married next March, and another one just annouced that she is expecting in October(that will make 3 out of the 14 of us married and 2 out of the 14 with children).
Another buddy of mines from high school just got married two weekends ago...... these are just a FEW examples (I could go on and on) of the mass relationship wave that has been happening for the last two years...

So I guess I am at the point/age in my life where it seems that EVERYONE around me is getting married, engaged, or living together...

Now don't get me wrong I think this is a GREAT and WONDERFUL thing...remember I truly believe in the black family...

But at the same time there is a lot of pressure...a whole lot of pressure to WANT to be in a relationship and to get married.
I think that marriage is such a wonderful and special thing that it truly shouldn't be entered into light, half-heartedly, or just because everyone ELSE is doing it...

BUT that takes a lot of will power, strength, and most importantly-knowledge of SELF to withstand all of this...

I mean first off, when you were little you always used to think, or at least I did, that you would be married by now, by your mid-twenties, living in a house, with your husband(wife)...traveling, enjoying life, planning for a family...
ONCE you finally get over the fact that your plan, did NOT and is NOT going to happen any time soon...you have to face the fact that NOW you have to go and be happy for everyone else that this HAS happened for!

Man, can I do it, can anyone really do that...

Well I think I can...again, marriage in particular, but committed relationships in general, should NOT be taken or entered into lightly...we can't get caught in the "man everyone is doing this, or everyone has a husband or a wife, or a man, or a girl, why not me?" thing...
we can't because WE have to understand that its just NOT our TIME yet!

That's what I told myself as I thought about this issue on my way to church on Sunday...its just not my time! I am OK with that...I want a man that is going to be all that I need him to be, so since I refuse to settle or compromise then I have to be confident in the fact that my obedience will lead to me having a happy and prosperous life...

We weren't put on this earth to be alone...so in due time people in due time...

11 comments:

Maggie said...

i enjoyed your blog (seriuosly) - esp this post about the time for smth important to happen in a persons life - i've been thinking the same thing for a minimum of 2 years now, and the time just doesn't seem to come yet :-) anyway i understand that perhaps at this moment self promotion is bad and may seem superficial, but nevertheless i cannot resist the temptation of inviting you over to my blog to take a look at one thingie and to say what you think. thanks in advance :-)

Anonymous said...

YEs, I do agreee that SOME of us females marry for the thought of just being married to someone and not really for TRUE love. We all want to be love and we go about it the wrong way sometimes because you want everything to happen so fast. I know someone who has been proposed to twice in the last year. I'm like "damn" how can she get two dudes to fall in love with her so fast, and I've never got anyone to propose to me and I think I am a decent woman. Do you think it is possible to love two guys with everything you have within a year?

Kiana

T.C. said...

To answer your question...I can't...For me personally NO, not at this phase in my life...LOVE is so beyond anything that can be described or really understood...Like Prince said in Adore, "love is too weak to discribe how I feel"...that's how I want to feel for my husband!!! Furthermore, I don't think that I would let two men get that close to me...BUT then you have men, who want to be married just as badly as women, and they don't have to know you, but they THINK they do and will propose...its actually happened to me this year strangly enough...I didn't even really think about it until just now, and I didn't include it in my blog because I KNOW that we he THINKS is love it really isn't...he is in love with being "in love" so I paid it no mind...its not true its not real...

So honestly, I don't know..but again, you can't say "I think Iam a decent woman, what about me?" Its just NOT your time...but your time is coming TRUST

j.a.c. said...

This is THE issue of our current lives T! Before my trip home I wouldn't have really been able to identify, but seeing someone that used to have a crush on me happily married was no easy feat! I struck a series of emotions in me that were extremely foreign. It was the first time I encountered the "my friends are getting married!" issue, so I didn't know how to handle it. I was hurt, disappointed and was even kicking myself for not paying more attention to him. But what you said is key. It's not our time until it's our time. I didn't spend more time with the dude because there is another plan out there for me. It wasn't Jehovah's will for me to date and marry him. I.W. and his wife seem to be made for each other and there is no way I could have lived with myself if I prevented that from happening. Who am I to stand in the way of true happiness and love, ya know? The best we can do is to keep learning and growing, have faith in God's plan for us, and be happy for others (as hard as that may seem at times).

Jessica said...

I feel you...I daydream about it on a regular girl (LOL)...but seriously, not just the "wedding" but the real deal - things like having someone to share your life with, having a someone that has your back and loves you unconditionally...I believe and have faith that GOD will give us the genuine desires of our hearts...So I'm looking forward to my future husband "finding-me"...it's going to happen...

I believe,
Jess

T.C. said...

Anything is possible if you just believe in GOD

Rika said...

I believe that "when it's your time, then it will happen"...period. I don't think people should lust after or force love or marriage because it will be over before that "fake" life begins. Too many people wanna be like everyone else & if they aren't, they question & doubt themselves. People need to love themselves unconditionally before they can expect a man/woman to love them the same. Too many people feel incomplete without a man/woman which is why so many people "settle". For me personally, settling isn't an option. Fantasy is too often confused with reality. The only kind of love that I will accept is "real/true" love. Patience & self-love is key. There is someone for everyone. That, I truly believe.

T.C. said...

I have come to the conclusion that the reason most people jump out there for something is because people are looking to be validated...when you look for a man/woman to validate you, you will NEVER have what you truly deserve because you will ALWAYS settle, because of that need for validation, that need to want to be wanted...its crazy...and it all go back to SELF LOVE if you aren't totally IN LOVE WITH YOU...you are setting yourself up for failure in any relationship that you try to have because you alone aren't whole! If you aren't whole alone, you can NEVER be whole with someone!

I could go on and on because this is DEEP

Jackie said...

I feel like when your in the relm of God he will allow things like marrige to happen when he sees fit. There really is no rush. I mean sure everyone wants to get married, and be married for a little while before they have their kids and all that, but if that is not in Gods will and you've rushed it, I feel there will be hell to pay... All I can say is when I do get married the biggest blesing you should want is from God. I don't want to get married because everyone else is. I mean it may be their time to get married OR not. However, I want my marrige to be directed by God and that can only happen when things are done in his will and his time, because divorce is not and option for me.

Peace

-Jay

Anonymous said...

I think that when you focus too much on finding yourself, that means that you are avoiding something else. A lot of people (men and women), make the excuse of something not working because it just wasn't the right time, which may be true. But, it could also not have worked because, you were immature, or you made bad relationship decisions. Yes, there is a plan for all of us, but I believe in more than one way to approach a plan, so maybe some just choose wrong. Everyone talks about self reflection, but never fix themselves. So, yes, maybe you aren't whole, but maybe you keep having to find yourself when a relationship doesn't work because you don't want to face your faults. I have to play devil's advocate, because some people just don't face reality, maybe you really are a person with a lot of problems that you keep running from. What if you (ladies) and your dad have a terrible relationship, what if you were beaten a lot growing up, what if you never had any real friends, what if you could never tell all of the truth, don't you think these things affect a relationship? Think about it, it's not always that other person or GOD, it could be you!

T.C. said...

I totally agree that it doesn't have to be the other person...it could quite honestly be YOU and that is why you have to have a strong sense of SELF. If you don't know who you are, haven't faced your problems and aren't ready to move forward secure in who you are and whose you are, then yes you keep running around in circles until you can't anymore...and you just keep doing the same things over and over again....

But how can you "find yourself" if you don't in fact focus on it? IN order to really deal with the issues of your past and possibly your present don't you need to focus on that? If you are to face your hurtful relationship you have to "find yourself" to deal with your issues...so that you can move on in a relationship(s) and have a healthy relationship, not just with a significant other, but individuals in general...at least that is my standpoint...

In order grown, in order to keep from making the same mistakes and just really get yourself together...you have to FACE YOU! You are right its NOT always GOD, nor is it the other person...
That's the point I was trying to make...I assume that it GOT lost...
Thank you for your comment and playing devils advocate