Wednesday, December 31, 2008

last day of 08 ready for divine 09

yep that's how i am looking at life

like wow today is the last day of 2008 and its really time to move into 2009...

per my previous post i am totally ready for 2008 to be OVA so no skin off my back or shame in my game to say HOLLA you dig...i am totally ready...

i have spoken many times before that there are some things that i have lined up for 09 and today marked the reality that somethings are about to take place and happen...for one i am trusting that things will fall into place so i wrote my 60 day vacate notice today...i will be moving out of my apartment of the last 3 years by 2/28/09...

i felt like i couldn't breathe because i had to write the letter before i got a firm/final on something else, that's what they call FAITH you know what i mean...

there are a couple of other things that have me just sitting back ans waitin for some things to happen in my and they are all in the hands of others and truly require me to have what's the word FAITH...

but i do know and truly believe that things are going to happen for better

08 has taught me a lot about myself and its definitely been a blessing to come out on top and to feel like its all for the betterment of me and a woman, as human being as a child of GOD

no matter what i am blessed i have a job, good health over all, a place that's warm at night to lay my head, clothes on my back and good family and friends to hold me down...i have a lot more than others...but i am going to keep pressing forward and keep having faith and relying on GOD to guide me and show me his wisdom...that's what matters most...

so i'll be in church tonight spending time with my mother and enjoying our last NYE in the DMV together...

Proverbs 30 take a read...

peace and love people, see you in Divine 09 while on my grind!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

My mind is runnin

that's nothing new though but its running a little more than usual...

all i know is, is that 2008 is almost over and i couldn't be happier to see it go...not that i am not sitting back and appreciating all of the lesson's learned because that's the absolutely best way to look at life ... as a steady progression of learning

but to say it wasn't hard would be a lie...a lot of things happened that were beyond my control but things happened that were...and again its totally all in the lesson...

as the year comes to an end i realize that i am still not ready to focus on anything other than myself for i still have a lot to learn about me and what makes me truly happy what really sets me apart from everything and everyone else...i know that i truly appreciate the fact that i am really ready to love myself everyday i realize that flaws and all i am really okay with who i am

i am a woman who is falling in love all over again and who is fighting everyday to stay in love with herself no matter what...

i had someone confess his love for me on Christmas night...i have known him for a while and it wasn't the first time that he has said that he loved was a extremely deep conversation and it even had me thinking that maybe just maybe i was overlooking someone that could really be that person for me...then the next day he doesn't step up to what his words were saying...and maybe its because he is a really GREAT dude, not even good but great dude...but as little big sis said to me you can't force can't

so you know my saying is totally "words without action" means absolutely NOTHING to me...and it doesn't so moving on...

my cousin told me that i have a wall up and i know that i do and i am totally okay with wall or will allow me as my LS said yesterday "have an intense screening process" like is too short to deal with the BS and to settle so imma just chill you know...eventually the wall will come down and all will be well with the world...don't get me wrong i still love men especially the brothers but its clear that TC gotta do TC right now ya know

i am still in the process of making some moves, those moves will include me doing some really BIG things in 09 and i am just really trying to set myself up so that i can be truly self-sufficient and able to sand on my own two feet with a "nest egg" "rainy day fund" all that...investing money and saving and just moving forward there are a lot of things i want and so instead of just complaining about it or feeling sorry for myself you get up you dust yourself off and you make away for yourself that's what our parents did that's what our grandparents did so that's what i am going to do...i am going to make all kinds of moves and make a way for myself in 2009...its time to be on my grind...and yes i have been on my grind but its time to take it up another notch

i had wonderful holiday season full with love and with family and friends...
its a beautiful thing to feel full and to want to keep loving and living...and at the end of the day have a GREAT smile on your face

Monday, December 22, 2008

total rAdomneSS

stuff never ceases to amaze me...or should i say people...let's start off with the positive:

I got this message today:

TC: Your example and your words are more powerful and inspiring than you know. At 24 years old, 25 in February, I would love to say that I've outgrown the position of mentee, but it appears I still have much to learn from you, big sis. Looking forward to it.

I must say that it truly brightened my day...well actually I went into the day with a pretty postive attitude because we had our Kaimsha Family Reunion last. The KAA group worked really hard to make sure that everything that needed to be done, including a documentary that included my momma was put together very nicely...i saw a LOT of people I hadn't see in YEARS and it was good to see those that came up under me come back and that they are doing extremely WELL! so that had me in good spirits...

then you know life takes control and you realize that it is really what it is, and that no matter how hard you do or work towards something there will always be something else that other people feel the needs to say or do...what really blows me is how badly other people's attitudes can really SUCK and when i say SUCK I mean suck majorly and i am not digging it..and i am really trying to NOT let it affect me and how i carry myself but sometimes its really hard when all people want to do is emerse the air with negative energy...

i am doing well at my pt job...worked on saturday and on day 3 the store manager was like he wanted me to come in so that i can be trained on the register...that my work was amazing...yea its only a pt but you want to do well on any job and it feels good to be recognized at least at one place

all i can do is keep my head above water and keep moving forward you know what i mean...

i am still not dating and have no interest in dating...i still don't worry about marriage or having children...i know that i want those things to happen, but i am also pretty sure that i have no control over it happening or not, so my energy is better suited to praying that GOD helps me remain faithful in HIS plan for my life...i am not bitter or angry just not focused on that

so that's what i have been doing...praying and reading the word...I have been reading a chapter of Proverbs a night, it really does have some very powerful and practical guidance and to me that's the best way to prepare to start off the new year...with guidance and ways to be wiser, better, stronger and more connected to GOD...

so yea i am a little frustrated today, i just can't dig the negativity you know...i try to do what i gotta i am thinking i am going to keep right on channeling PC "do your work and mind your business" is my motto for this part of my life right now

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Brothers-REPOST

I know I know...brothers you are probably thinking "oh no, not another let's bash the Black Man posts" but you know what you couldn't be any further from what this is all about... Everyday I make my way to work via the METRO (I know, I know but let me finish) and everyday, I am truly intrigued by the variations of beautiful brothers that I see.

From the three piece suit wearing brother...Clean cut, dressed to the nine.
To the earthly brother, rocking the dreads and LRG
To the khaki pants and polo shirt wearing brother
To the around the way brother with his New Balances, chill blue jeans (most likely GAP) and a plain white tee...

Note: I know that there are plenty of brothers that do NOT fit any of the above and can be any varition and/or combination of them all...but that's just too much to try to I kept it man...tha brothers....

All of them just beautiful in their own way. Despite what the media/public opinion/society in general would have us to believe, regardless of the stereotypes that WE place on our brothers ourselves...

All of our men are NOT locked up ALL of our men are NOT dead beats ALL of our men are NOT infected with HIV or a STD ALL of our men are NOT on the DL or gay ALL of our men are NOT liars, cheaters, and adulterers I am a true believer that the Black Family is NOT dead...not yet...not if I (or my generation is a prime example) have anything to do with it...

There are plenty of intelligent, spiritually centered, honest, faithful, strong yet loving, firm yet caring, Black men in the world! Right here in our area...there just has to be Its not easy being a young woman of substance to be found by a young man of substance...(that's right a man is supposed to find a woman)

In fact my girlfriend (sister I should say) just had a conversation the other night about how our older male family members have stated that they actually feel "sorry" for us, because we have it "too" together, and thus will more than likely intimidate most young men our age... Well (and I take a deep breath as I say this) I am just not ready to give up on my brothers yet, especially here in DC where I am from...

I believe that there are young men out there who are together, have it together, who won't be intimidated and who will love me as Christ Loves! (Giving more than he receives...true love is about giving of yourself, all of you, with no expectation of receiving the same in return, and in return that other person does the same thing...its one big circle of love...deep huh?...yeah it is)

I had a lot to say but my mind is going faster than my fingers and I didn't get home fast enough from work (off of the train) to get out all that I was thinking... I am sure that I will revisit this topic I am sure again...

Monday, December 08, 2008

Ignorance is an unfortunate-sad state of being

so with the election of the first African American president, we have heard many stories of hate crimes and the like happening...we have heard of many people suing the state and local governments claiming that Obama isn't a "natural born citizen" of the United States, including an argument being heard this past weekend by the supreme court of the land (although after doing some research and listening to a couple of legal scholars, its seems the reason Clearance Thomas even allowed it to be heard was so that it would DENIED and done and over with period the end...)

but when a hate crime happens to you or to someone that you love it takes ignorance to an entirely different level and state of being...

my younger cousin, just moved here from Chicago mid-October, she got a GREAT job with one of the top firms in the country in Montgomery County MD...I totally recommended that she move up near her job (I-270) because traffic in the DMV area is ROUGH especially on that side of she did...she moved to a very nice area in Rockville (edge of Germantown) my cousin is SHARP, not even 24 already has a Master's degree and is doing very well for herself...she isn't a flashy person, but she maintains and does well for herself

so when she called me yesterday morning to tell me that she walked outside of her apartment to see this:

if you can't read it, it says: NIGGER, fuck OBAMA

let's just say i was shocked, but not really...although her car wasn't the only one written on, it was the only one with a racial slur and vulgar language

when the police officer got to her house, he didn't know what or how to classify the "crime" (i personally think because who wants to have statistics of being a county with a hate crime) i informed her to tell him nicely, its a HATE CRIME period! i got up pulled myself together and made my way up the road...initially she didn't really want to be bothered which you can understand but then she wanted me there so i went...we didn't do anything but just sit around but having family there i think she is 45 minutes away from the closets person to her...she totally thinks its someone who lives in her building because how would they know to write the word "nigger" on her car if they didn't know she was black...true she has Illinois tags but that doesn't mean anything in terms of her race...

...what is amazing is they don't know if she was a Democrat or a republican if she voted for president-elect Obama or not, it was just assumed that since she was black she is the real deal people, with the black vote alone President-elect Obama would NOT have won the race...that's just based on pure numbers...

so here is the deal folks...

its also important to remember that the word NIGGER, NIGGA whatever has NO place in any vocabulary that is why i don't use it...period! its a deplorable word...

the point of the matter is, as happy as i am with this historic victory...something inside me wouldn't let me believe that we were ALL UNITED for one common cause...but that we still have a lot to build...we still have to learn that people are human beings FIRST and its important to always remember that...ignorance begets let's stop and think before we do, say, or touch and harm someone else...

Friday, December 05, 2008

my faVorite thAngs

i am totally stealing this from a couple of my folks...teej did a my favorite things and deja did a things that make me on this Friday as i sit at my desk doing some work and jaming all at the same time i decided to write out some things that truly make me happy:

in no particular order other than #1

1. Family
my parents-listening to my parents fuss, curse, laugh, whatever...they make me happy
my brothers-they off the hook
nieces and nephews-they are SO intelligent and just some all around cool people to be around. i swear the youngest of them has been here before that little boy is too much for words

2. My girls and da homies...but here lately i have been spending a lot of time with my girls (that includes my cousins) and just tripping out...doing nothing in particular but enjoying life

3. good food makes me happy...i love to eat what can i say

4. finding a unique item while shopping at a boutique

5. shoes and bags make me happy

6. funny movies

7. laughing until it hurts and something random

8. sitting around laughing and joking with those closest to me

9. the quiet of nights especially when sitting on my balcony at home...just me and the night air

10. reading-especially books about our history

11. sitting in my CHAIR curled up watching tv all day long

12. going to the hair salon and being loud and crazy while getting my hair done

13. being around my Kiamsha family the kids the adults just everyone is so cool

14. going to the movies by myself and talking to the screen

15. walking downtown by the monuments

16. fall and spring

17. playing in the rain

18. my Nike boots

19. my hair short

20. looing at HGTV, Style network-clean house and Ruby, Reba, Living Single

21. me-i totally crack myself up and the little things i say, who decided that blue was blue what if blue is really purple (my personal trainer told me i could think that but that i should say that out loud)

22. good lotion, facial products, stuff that makes you feel soft-coco butta

23. the GAP

24. a nice hoodie and some sweatpants to just chillax in

25. having NOTHING to do!

26. MUSIC!!!!! MUSIC makes me happy all kinds of music!

27. styling other people...i love shopping for and pulling outfits together

28. looking at home and furniture books

29. driving....when i need a break from it all i go for a riding and just rock out, cry whatever

30. Alabama-sssssshhhhhhhhhh don't tell nobody...but i love being at my Madea's house and just sitting on the carport, especially when its raining...its the most peaceful place in the world

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

random hAppineSS

yes i am totally randomly particular special reason other than everyday we are able to get up and see another day and be healthy is another day to be happy...
December 1st was yet another step in the beginning of preparing myself for Jan09, can you believe its about to be 2009 already? I know right its a marvelous thing though I am totally excited about all that 2009 has to offer me...i know life won't always be easy but it surely isn't all that hard...and here is the real deal

you can't love the life you live until you live the life you love...

now isn't that some real you only got this one life this one moment and opportunity to make your mark on the world so what are YOU going to do...sit around and wait for the world to come to you, or get out there and go into the that's what i am setting my sights on...

stuff hasn't fallen EXACTLY into place as i would like or as i wanted it to, but its falling and will fall exactly how GOD sees fit for it to fall and i already KNOW that it will fall better than i could have every imagined...

did i tell you that my cousin got engaged? YEP she is 25 will be 26 and she is getting married in June. he proposed on Monday of last week and we found out at dinner...she wants a simple wedding in the backyard at night...its her and him though all the way they are very chill people, they don't need a "show" (i needs me a show...LOL...i want the HUGE church wedding with all the bells but that's me and my personality you know-but who knows) so that now takes me to dress #7! Cool with me though i totally love being around and helping people on their special wedding day...PLUS i know that they love each other they are both working on PhDs are both dedicated and loyal and just all around GOOD people!

thanksgiving was GREAT, even though people were looking at ME because i am the oldest girl and they just KNEW i would be first to get married, because i just have this as my aunt said "matenal thing" yea but i can do that without getting married, no no no people not have a kid by turkey baster i am talking about being a mentor and loving my neices and nephews and all the babies that are around me...i got plenty to share the love with...LOL and more important i am not settling so i'll be single...i have SO MUCH to just be thankful for in terms of life and love and just being happy!

my male cousin Jocko told me that i am a lot to handle...while this i believe is indeed TRUE i am an independent woman it is also TRUE that i am totally ready to as JAC said "let the man lead" HOWEVER i am NOT letting a fool lead me therefore, i'll just be chillaxin until that time...i KNOW that there are good men out there, i mean my homeboys are good guys, my brothers and cousins are good in time when GOD is finished working on ME then i'll be ready, until then i am going to keep focusing on making me whole

did i tell you i am still not interested in dating...yep totally not, but boy oh boy do i love to are GORGEOUS oh me oh i have fun watching men dressed up on the train. Man that's a handsome look to just see a man dressed in a suit or shirt and tie, some hitting shoes and slacks that fall just right over the shoe with the coat...and the face shaped up just i smile and enjoy just looking at everyone from the Metro train operator to the trash man to the business man you all beautiful!

okay let me stop now...LOL
Kanye did it again...808's is HOT the first song "say you will" is on constant repeat the beats the entire thing just gets me into this whole level of calm and just chill...the dude has definitely got some serious talent that's for sure!

my cousin moved here from Chi-town, and truth be told we didn't even know we were cousins until we met face to other homegirl Ms. Perkins just wanted me to look out for her and come to find out, that her mom and my mom are first cousins and thus so are we, the girl is BAD you here me, Masters already and not even 24 yet...she is good....but she is also humble, down to earth and we have so much fun just laughin and jokin...

i sat back and thought about my girls i mean my REAL girls, i mean we all have girls that are for a certain purpose like to party with, or to talk to about a certain situation but i sat back and thought about my girls that are there no matter WHAT and can tell you i was blessed

let's see what else...oh i am also dieting, or continuing my healthy lifestyle change...i have now added the WHEY protein shake for breakfast then some oatmeal and then some soup and then a nice snack and then a healthy dinner...smaller meals throughout the day is the way imma go...but healthy smaller meals...and of course exercising i am up to 3 miles total! YES! then i do some other stuff so we'll see what december holds...OH and i got back on a multi vitamin...i guess since i have been struggling really all my life because i have always been thicker than my friends, but now yes i want to lose weight but it just want to feel and look good for ME not for society or societies standards because people are ALWAYS going to have something to say but just for me...

well that's it and that's all folks nothing more really going on with me...just having a good time and enjoying life