Everything is Everything

".....after winter must comes spring....change comes eventually"

You know I have been through a lot in the last what-2 to 3 years...
A five (5) year relationship came to an abrupt end...(now don't get me wrong, it wasn't ALL him, its one of those situations, where you have to look back on it and say: now what can I take from this to be a better person?)
I moved out and on my own (with a roommate initially)...
I graduated from undgergrad and entered graduate school...
and just stuff, you know the normal everyday things that a young adult has to deal with, like:
balancing a budget
paying bills
rent
car note
finding and maintaining a personal style
relationships with your parents
dating
your own personal spirituality...

You know just regular young adult stuff...BUT just as I thought it was going to get better...
THIS year (2006), I decided to live alone, I left one job because of craziness, got another, ended up not working and I had to prepare for my comprehensive exams (had to pass them my last semester of school)-finish up my last semester of graduate school...I mean projects were due, resumes needed to go out, bills needed to be paid (would I be able to stay living alone, on my own?) I was out of work for basically a month and a half...living, barely making it...
I mean it was just stuff on top of stuff on top of stuff...
JUST STUFF

But you know what...I survived it...I came through it...and I learned and am constantly being reminded that its not about what others think or perceive you to be, its what you really think about yourself, and finding your own inner strength. Sometimes, people aren't going to see you for who you really are. It may be something that you say, or something that you do...or it maybe something that you have done in the past...everything is based on perception, and once you understand that you can understand that people aren't always going to agree with you, people aren't always going to understand you, and people aren't going to always see you for who you are....

The album that I think of as I write this is Young Jeezy's "Thug Motivation 101"....I know I know lyrically its not the deepest album, but DOPE for the party jams and street anthems...BUT Young Jeezy talks about how he has gone through trails and tribulations...and the basic concept is...no matter what "let's get it..." So his album is one of determination, dedication, and triumph at all costs....

Another album that I must say has helped or sums up the transition that I have been in for the past 2 years or so, India Arie's "Testimony: Volume 1 Life and Relationships" especially the song "I Choose". I know that I can really relate to that song because I (we) as a person(s) can choose who we are going to be, how we are going to act (positive or negative), we choose not to let our past dictate who were are now, and who were are going to be-where life is going to take us...all of that its our choice....she reflected over her life thus far and moved on and she was stronger then she ever realized she was!

And that's how I feel at this point in my life.
I understand now why we have to go through certain things in life...if you don't experience the bad you will never appreciate the good...

This quote sums it up perfectly:
- Almost every time a blessing is about to arrive at your doorstep, adversity shows up to test you. Don't respond to the distraction! Stay focused, it's only a test!

-Rev Run
Or even this one:

Don’t be afraid of the dark. Before anything worthwhile is acquired you must experience a dark period. Right before a great break through, there is usually great pain (ask any woman who has give birth to a child). Darkness is not a bad thing! Isn’t a darkroom necessary for any good picture to get developed? In Psalms 30:5, we learn, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

-Rev Run

IMPORTANT NOTE:
Its important to note that I TRULY have such wonderful family-my parents, my friends, sisters, and brothers around me, supporting me. And for that I am eternally grateful!!!!

I KNOW now that I can make it!
I lost nothing material wise-I am currently working at a place where I can learn and grow a lot, I graduated with my graduate degree...but the greatest take away from the whole thing is that I know my heart and I know my inner strength...I know how centered and determined that I actually am and that's what makes me keep right on keeping on because I can only be me...I am not perfect, not now, nor in the past, and I can't say I will be perfect in the future...but I am forever changing and forever growing for the better...that's how I see things right now...that's how I feel....

So no matter what...Life goes On & On...The world keeps turning....

Note: This has been written for a while...and I just decided to share this...I was finally ready to share this today