Monday, October 25, 2010

Life pieces

here is another great prose by my homie EJ

one thing about life is that it always has a way of giving you what you need when you need it, even when you don't know you needed it to begin with

life, its nothing but little pieces that make a whole, like a puzzle
but in life there are millions of pieces and we all have some of the same kinds of pieces and then we all have some different ones.
the real trick is that all the pieces really can fit anywhere you put them
but its our choice who we put them together or take them apart;
and the where and when we place them that create our image;
if you just FORCE them at random or indiscriminately your picture will just be a mess
HOWEVER sometimes there is great beauty to be found in the messiest images

but at the end of life all we can hope is that we leave behind a beautiful picture to inspire and suggest ways others can manipulate their pieces.

the rest is simply out of our control

i don't like not "knowing" there are somethings you just won't know and its cool to know that you are learning and growing as a person

you know what it is, i don't like not knowing where i stand with people with emotions

i have said it before and i'll say it again i do NOT like feelings and the feelings that having feelings can sometimes bring...

i know you shouldn't wish turning off feelings but i do

and i would rather be wise and cautious than to just listen to my heart...i have said all i am going to say and done all i am going to do

and the reality is when someone can't tell you where you stand or fully express or try to express why or how they feel for you what they claim that they do, you don't stand anywhere with them at all

so its like forcing the pieces of the puzzle to fit and in this case the mess won't be beautiful because all you do is prolong the inevitable

mind of matter

wisdom over heart

only way to go right now

Sunday, October 24, 2010

ford music


i made up my own title to my own song because i don't have an aston martin i drive a ford

so i bumps ford music...CLASSIC

i tend to not like ricky rozzay or whatever he calls himself but i DO love that song

i especially love Chrisette's look...she's being so true to herself and she looks flawless

i also gravitate towards Drake's courous because it sounds like ole dude...

Bible study was awesome today, we are studying about what makes a family really work and today's lesson was on the role of a husband his responsibility and friday we will go over the wife's role and her responsibility and i can't wait! you have to be prepared and learn how to grow as a person

so not only will i know what will be needed from his position but I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO AND WHO I NEED TO BE

i think so many times we focus on what the other person needs to be doing or the IBM (ideal black man) list...its just a bunch of crap if its not from a biblical stand point you gotta know the role and be willing to grow together....

"and the two shall become ONE"

that's totally deep and you have to be on the same page in order to do that

anyways i digress in order to get to that point you gotta have your half of the two correct and in order

so i am totally going to just focus on me and not really in terms of trying to be a wife but just trying to be the best i can be

i have evolved so much over the past year or so not just i am at a point in my life where i say what i need to say and i keeps it moving

i don't have to yell or curse or be mean or belittle or even WIN

i just say what i need to say and keep it moving and hope for the best

i think that's what is the best thing for me to do, do what i have to do and hope for the best

Thursday, October 14, 2010


i am in a pissy mood

like a really pissy mood and it wasn't until just now that i realized why

i am yet again on my working out and losing weight that means i haven't had any starch since Monday, no rice, no bread, no muffins, no croissants, potatoes, NOTHING


nope instead its freaking oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch and spinach and mushrooms with baked turkey wings for dinner

i don't mind the dinner so much nor do i mind the salad for lunch THAT much

but freaking every single day

and nope don't go trying to help by sending me recipes and other crap that could work because although i can and will cook i prefer to cook on Sunday and have stuff for the rest of the week because i am also working out again which means that my body aches and my knees hurt and my hair is a mess because i sweat in my head

so i just don't want to be bothered

i don't want to be at work

i don't want to talk to people

i just want to eat this nasty food, do my job, go home, take Golden out, work out, eat dinner and go to bed and then wake up to do the same CRAP all over again

i don't eat those frozen meals because they have too much sodium which leads to headaches and other health issues

then you can't have or indulge in the "sauce" either...ugggggggggggg

so i am opting to try to keep it fresh and light with the whole eating thing

i have lost 2 pounds those far


see i told you i was in a mood and i realized i get like this every single time that i start eating better and working out its like my body is in shock and can't stand this mess

it really would prefer to be FAT AND HAPPY

yes big people are happy its others around us that make us feel like we have a disease because we aren't walking around feeling crazy because we are big

then because others feel the need to express their thoughts on how we need a personal trainer or should only have one starch a day or WHATEVER their opinions are you begin to feel bad so what do you do, you eat MORE of the things you shouldn't do because food makes you happy then what happens you can't fit clothe so you go shopping WHY because you had the food that made you happy so now you need the new clothes to make you happy and look better and the cycle just keeps going and going and going

LOOK i get it being a certain weight and out of shape is not healthy...but there are plenty of "fat skinny" people too out here, meaning they aren't healthy they don't exercise or eat right but they don't gain weight...

hey blame it on the metabolism, thyroid whatever

we are all different either love me for me or leave me the freak alone

now that i have ranted on

i am trying to lose weight because although i have always been "thick" this having a gut and back fat thing doesn't work well or bold well for me or to eating better, exercising, going to try this whole life style thing again...

you would think that in the summer i'd be more prone to do these things but actually its just to dag on hot, i love this time through the spring i do my best this time of year the air is crisp, the energy is high and i can get into my own groove

but for now and maybe for a week or so until i get over this initial hump i will be cranky in a mood

thus i will place myself on time out and sit in the corner ALONE i'll let you know when I feel like coming out

Monday, October 11, 2010

its your world...

is one of my favorite tracks from common's "be" album

i think one of the things that stands out is the fact that its really telling a story about how you have to make this life YOUR own...

i mean we all have obstacles that we face and things that come our way that we would much rather not have to deal with

but they are definitely all lessons learned when you sit back and you reflect on this life, your life you gotta take stock and determine which road you are going to travel and what world you want for yourself...

a lot of times its easy to get caught up in a lot of the nonsense that is this life we live but you gotta remember to keep moving forward and remember its your world

finally i'll leave you with this profound words from "pops" on part 2

Be, be here, be there, be that, be this
Be grateful for life, be grateful to life
Be gleeful everyday, for being the best swimmer among 500,000
Be-nign, be you, be mom's mean pie, be little black sambo With bad hair
Be aware of what a lynch is, Be, be boundless energy
Be a four star ghetto general, be no one except I
Be a strong academic student, be an A student in sociology
Be food for thought to the growing mind, be the author of your own horoscope
Be invited, be long-living, be forgiving, be not forgetful
Be a proud run, only to return to fight another day
Be peaceful if possible, but justice in ways (?)
Be high when you low, be on time but knowing to go
Be cautious of the road to college, taking a detour through Vietnam or the middle east
Be absent of wars at any past or present fought amongst themselves
Be visual of foreclosure over your shoulder while begging
A nation built on free labor for reparation, Be a cartopogropher
Be a map maker, be able to find afro-american man
search thoroughly it may be close to black man
Be ammended 5/5ths, be ammended 5/5ths human
Be the owner of more land than is set aside for wild life
Be cupid, to world government
Be found among the truth, lost tribe
Be at full strength when walking through the valley
Be not foolish as tender 18 of the mountain tops
Be a brilliant soul, sparkling in the galaxy while walking on earth
Be loved by God as much as God loved Ghandi and Martin Luther King
Be that last one of 144,000, be the resident of that twelfth house

in short we can all be anything we want to be no matter what the circumstances or obstacles that may come our way WE CAN MAKE IT

its your world

Monday, October 04, 2010


"when i stop holding myself to higher standards, is when i've quit and accepted mediocrity. mediocrity that is not defined by comparison but instead by what my soul speaks. too many people have invested and given up so much on my behalf for me to just accept me being other than what i know i can achieve" EJ

my co-worker and i were having a deep convo today via email and he said that...

it struck a cord with me because he is definitely a good dude...he has his ways about him, but don't we all

he is always analysing himself and assessing how he can be better

the thing that he has an issue with is he doesn't give himself time to change or adjust

he doesn't have patience with himself

that led me to think about a lot of things with me and how i think react or handle situations

i know that PATIENCE is definitely key for me and i have to stop and remind myself all the time to be patient but i also have to stop and remind myself to keep pushing through even when things don't always have or don't always seem to fall into place

many times we do that we don't have patience and we just give up
either on love
on ourselves
whatever we just give up or worse yet we settle

but this quote right here is on point...

mediocrity is not an option in any area of life and as long as you are trying and striving we need to take time to give ourselves credit and see the Sunshine through the rain

Sunday, October 03, 2010


loving the vibe of this entire thing...

its a great way to feel

i love her tattoo

"marriage thrives and blossoms on the flower of patience"