Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.
You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.
Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.
You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.
At Your Best: You are sharp, inventive, and creative. You have the skills to lead the world.
At Your Worst: You are reclusive, weird, and a bit paranoid.
Your Fixation: Greed
Your Primary Fear: Being useless or incompetent
Your Primary Desire: Being competent and needed
Other Number 5's: Bill Gates, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Bjork, and Stephen Hawking.
so i took the quiz again and now it says i am an individualist...it can definitely be both i am a total combination
You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.
At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well.
At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn.
Your Fixation: Envy
Your Primary Fear: To have no identity
Your Primary Desire: To find yourself
Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
ready to come home
me and texas' relationship needs to come to an end
it started off rather rocky
it did get better with some shopping in town (yes the same racist town from the post below)
but the people in the shops were nice (i love finding one of a kind pieces)
so much in this topic that i am listening to right now, is BLOWING me...yea so i am obese according to the numbers...man society doesn't really has us jacked up
definitely need to be healthy, and live a healthy lifestyle (eating right, exercise) just being healthy
small doesn't necessarily = healthy and recent studies have shown that
CLEARLY being away from home for 5 days seems to be my limit...i have actually liked the place we are staying although i had to fuss so that we didn't get chicken for dinner last night, it would have made it night #3 for chicken...yea how bout NO...these people would have gone off and on ME because of that...
yea doing trainings meaning logistics and actually training is a lot...
but okay another issue is that i don't get credit but whatevs...
remember the four agreements:
1. be impeccable with your word
2. don't take anything personally
3. don't assume (always ask questions)
4. always do your best
i try to live by those agreements daily on top of the normal day to day moral guidelines that my family raised me with ( you know Bible knowledge)
its amazing how it all links together
maybe families wouldn't come because you talk down to them...anywho
then you have to deal with "how's the boyfriend?" LOL
actually that wasn't that hard as you would think since i am genuinely a happy person and happy in my life so to say its over doesn't bother me
you know who i have been thinking about lately...my college boyfriend...ni seems to think that something is wrong...i hope not, he is just on my mind...
i have also realised that none of my ex's are "the one" at least not in my mind...like since the break-up i have been doing inventory, because like i have said time and time again you must take personal stock and reflect on your role in the situation...well not only have i been thinking about this past situation but ALL my past situations because i am really at the point where i want to
1. make better/wiser choices in relationships
2. i really want my life to be peaceful and happy
that's the funny thing my life number is 2 which in short is for peace...
i journal all day yesterday...its really therapeutic...
okay this is long enough
oh my plans-all that are definitely coming together
from my fingers to HIS ears
Friday, September 19, 2008
CLEARLY it was a "white ONLY " establishment even though those words were not written on the doors...
we walked in placed our order and proceeded to sit there while at least 5 other orders (which were placed after ours)
as soon as we sat down it was like i was in an alien on the planet we call earth...i mean you could cut the tension with a knief it was totally insane...it was the most uncomfortable feeling.
i don't think i have experienced such a feeling like this in my adult life...i texted some people with my outrage and my mentor said "use your training" yea that's WAY easier said than done! I didn't act a fool or anything when the orders got backed up my co-worker went and asked about it...i mean i wasn't going to go up to them and teach them about the african-american experience and teach them about me and my culture and how ignorant they are/were being...keeping my composure was their lesson that all black folks don't act a fool and that we don't run away from ignorant ish either...
had i not pre-paid we probably would have left the place...but i am glad we didn't we sat and talked about work and talking about business...
lesson learned never run away from racism you stand tall and show and prove
she and i both were upset...of course i didn't let it get to me, but still it wasn't the best way to start my full day off...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
i think it has to do with me really i mean really coming into my own and then i have so many WONDERFUL friends around me that are doing so many wonderful things and its totally inspiring...i mean to watch others around me, so positive, so forceful, so strong, so confident, in their own talents...
ni: a teacher...teaching kids 8th grade science...she is one of those people you WANT to teach your kid because she is such a compassionate person, she really wants to and will FIGHT with them kids to get them to learn something...she is enjoying life and making moves
li: up and moved to TX...just her...and is working and doing the dag on thing...you know how strong you gotta be to move a 2 days drive away from your family because you know that, TX is the place you need to be right now to do what you need to do for yourself-now that's brave
mo: another one, got a promotion, took the class, about tomove cross-country to make her dreams happen...working hard and playing hard is her thing, and she is making it work
the new mrs: my homegirl, mother of my twin god-sons..wife, mother, full time worker...i sat in their house saturday and watched her and her family interact, her washing clothes, playing with the boys, laughing and joking with her hubby...good stuff
kc: following her dreams...working a job, rehearsing, hustling, doing her thang, whatever it takes to make her dreams come true...singing, singing and performing and its not about the record deal its about the art, she truly works hard and haves fun doing itjas: flying all over the country singing, perfomring, making moves and connections...never letting the stumbling blocks get in her way...constantly on the go just grinding to make her dreams come true
ki: married, child, and held down the fort while her husband served his country over seas...of course she had her moments, but she held it DOWN for her family...no matter WHAT she held it down...kept him focused on his job so he could come home and he'll be home this week
jac: working in the NYC...doing the thing for a company she loves doing what she went to school for and loving it! (not many of us can say that) and all the while being a fashioista
jcroft: is working for the presidental campaign!!!! WHAT we are on our way to the white house!
p: working full time, going back to school full time...about to move and doing things that people would love to do...traveling seeing the world and truly making a difference in the lives of her people!
my ls': getting married, having children...working, being stay at home mothers, in medical school, getting master degree's, buying homes, moving across country...i mean really if that isn't what power is i don't know what is...
my kiamsha family: i have such an extended family full of such wise and wonderful people. my mentors keep me grounded, keep me prayed up, keep me sound...one of them said to me on saturday "you have really grown in these last five years, you have really come into your own" i don't think she knows what those words meant to me, but they did indeed mean the world...then the younger brothers and sisters coming up that have graduated from college are just so dynamite its like WOW you guys are so strong and amazing...
my homeboys (ad, mc, sm): working, getting their masters, homeowners, into the word...again, making moves and doing right, honest, loyal, faithful men...
my blog sistahs: writing books, poetry, moving out on their own, facing fears taking chances, some are even falling in love!
this is just the surface of what is going on around me...
so many strong, wonderful, smart, impassioned, brave, inspiring people...
my plans for the next two years are going to take a little longer than expected but i am still pumped I am still totally happy about what is coming my way...because its all a lesson, its all about patience, doing things RIGHT not just right now...learning what I really want as a person, a human being, a woman, a sistah...
and no matter what bumps may come my way...i know i'll be okay
i am happy and you know its because i am cool with me...really cool with me...like really really cool...
my size, my hair, my imperfections, my flaws, my spirit, my soul
i feel full of joy
i feel empowered
i feel full of knowing who i am and whose i am
i feel like i am growing into my TRUE self and my TRUE purpose
i have learned SO much this year about what love is, and isn't
about what priorities are and are not
about what is real and what is fake
how patience is a truly a virtue
and how having confidence can shine through your very spirit just like not having confidence can...
i am who i am and i can only be who i am going to be...there isn't much more to life than that...
and for that i will NOT apologize
i got up yesterday, did a little house work, cleaned a little bit and then off to Church...
i must really say that i always leave church feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the week...
here is the thing, i am not a "religious" person...what does that mean? i don't call myself a baptist, (although i grew up in a southern baptist church) i don't call myself AME, even though that's the type of church i attend, i can't call myself a JW even though i have studied with them and attended their services...
i call myself a Christian...period and i am spiritual and believe in creating and maintaining a personal relationship with GOD, that's what i believe and all knowledge comes from reading the Bible and studying the word...and my pastor said that yesterday (side note: it took me ummmmm 4 years to find a church home, that's how serious i take it and i had fallen off but i am back in full action)
"i have no more power in the word of GOD than you do, my power comes from the same source your power comes from the Bible all you have to do is read it for yourself..."
powerful words in deed why...because 1 its the TRUTH and 2 most pastors don't tell you that, a lot of them would have you to believe that you HAVE to depend on them to understand the word...not so, we each have to develop our own individual relationship with GOD...
after that...i went to see my girl KC perform...her band Black Alley opened up for Raheem Davaugh yesterday at Fort Dupont Park...it was hot, but not humid, and me and ni sat out on the lawn with the sun blazing down and just simply enjoyed the live music and the astmosphere...it was truly a great afternoon...then you follow that up with having some fresh out the skillet fried chicken wings...it was totally awesome...totally awesome!
it was just a good day...nice weather, good folks, family and friends (a lot of my Kiamsha folks were there) so it was really a great day...inspiring to say the least has been my weekends here lately...
Thursday, September 04, 2008
my swagger!!! why you say that, maybe because now that its been almost two months, and my life is so busy and full and i am just happy no matter what i just find myself happy...so with that, face broke out and all i just be stepping...and maybe because its September, its football season and folks just want someone to cuddle up with, people are checking me out...even stepping to a sistah...
now don't get me wrong, i aint studden none of this stuff...but its nice to get the "eye" from someone, you know when someone is just smiling away at you...we all put a little extra in our step, men and women alike...
so i started noticing it on Sunday while out with P...
we are walking in georgetown and this dude coming towards us is just a looking, and i mean hard...so i am thinking oh he is looking at P, not me right, and she is like did you see that guy looking at you...
Monday leaving bowie town center this older man, really handsome was pulling up into a parking space besides me and he was just a grinning back...i couldn't help but smile because i was laughing he is steady looking and his pre-teen daughter is on her phone messing around...
yesterday i had a 2 for 1 type a day...in the morning on the way to work on the train, this guy kept looking at me...he was fly, funky kinda fly, i was diggin his style...it was a mix of funky with prep...never said anything i read my paper while feeling him looking...that was that...
on the way home this other dude was a little more "brave" we shall say...so i saw him checking me out when i got the platform, being that i dont like or want to get jacked on the metro again, i tend to be noisy (well i am generally noisy anyways) so i peeped him coming my way....so i am standing there...
him: you got some more gum
him: dag you can't ask nobody anything anymore, i was like oh i didn't mean to say no, i meant i just have anymore...(clearly noting that this dude might be crazy that i needed to check my tone)
so we get on the train, he sits behind me
him: so when we going on a date? RED FLAG
dude we are NOT young anymore...can you really open with a better line, you already hit me with "you got some more gum" come on!
me-in a sarcastic tone: well hello, how are you? my name is, and your name is?
him: oh, my name is J (showing me his ID) and i work...i'll be 29 on Saturday (RED FLAG-same birthday as my ex college "sweet" heart, superficial or superstitious i don't care what you call it but he got flagged) and your name is?
(HE takes a deep breathe-me wondering what the heck was that all about-looking at him crazy)
him: oh i am sorry my son's mother's name is T..., i know not all T...are the same but (RED FLAG-you got bama mama drama-you can not move past GO)
so he keeps chit chatting, he did get points for one, being very well put together, polo shirt, nice jeans, he looked presentable, nothing flashy just nice-he smelled GOOD! oh my oh my a good smelling brother is the BEST-he talked actively about his son and how important he was, in fact he stated "i am a parent-i drop him off, pick him up, he is my life" that was GREAT...
HOWEVER, baby momma drama, and his approach all OFF...i wasn't going to be able to do it...
i am not in any space to "talk to" or date anyone anyways...but when you get THREE RED FLAGS you don't get the number...period!
anywho, its nice to have my swag back, its nice to know that i am firm in keeping my standards high and keeping it moving
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
saturday i did absolutely nothing...my oversized chair got a hold on me and i was DONE for the day...i didn't want to go anywhere or do anything...and not because i was sad or anything i was just in a space where i wanted to sit and watch tv and do nothing and i was fine in my nothingness
sunday CHURCH was awesome...talked about HOPE and how hope comes to those who are faithful, because hoping that something will happen takes a lot of faith that even when it doesn't seem like it will happen, it WILL indeed happen...stopped past the parents...then me and my homegurl P (she is such a wonderful person) went to georgetown for brunch and to do some light shopping...i got some new "highend" skin care products...(P is an expert and put me on to some new stuff, and i can already see the difference in my skin-which was worse hit from the stress of the situation) ladies, one thing i know for sho...just like we take care of our hair you GOT to be willing to invest in skin care products..i had a BLAST with her...nice conversation wonderful sunny day...then i hit a cookout that evening with the bestest it was at her cousins house its always good to see them...
monday i did some walking around the community and headed over to the parents for dinner...it was nice
the ironic thing is, or maybe not so ironic is yesterday, the first day of september i sat down and journaled for about an hour...i poured out all the things that i can say i knew where "signs" that he wasn't "the ONE"...you wanna know how many signs 17! yea i know right, 17 signs...
17 lessons learned...
then i felt compailed to examine why there were so many signs but i didn't see it, well other than being in the as my girl RJ says, "being totally dumb because i was 'in love'" which we all can be in that love fog from time to time...i also realized that it wasn't over night that things happened...of course they weren't it was a slow progression of things that kept building up...but by then i was "in love" HOWEVER, near the end again, i knew i didn't like dude...
anyways, enough about him and that mess...can't spend time on that...but i found that right out those things helped propel to right out my "list"
now before everyone jumps down my throat it was NOT a IBM (ideal black man) list...it was a list of things that are non-compromising things that i need, want, desire and things i can not and will not deal with...period...
but here is the kicker...i know that i HAVE to be those things that i listed to myself FIRST before i can even expect someone to even attempt to be what i am seeking, i have to first seek that within myself...trust i am well on my way...but i just know i have to firm and unwavering, uncompromising...for myself...
i have to live my life for what it is NOW, not what it is going to be, and definately not what i want it to be but NOW
i also set some 2 year short tearm goals for myself, of which i am well on my way to reaching...half are more mental/emotional goals and the other half actual tangible goals...
again, there are so many exciting things happening in my life right now, that really are about to take me to another level...spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially...
GOD is ALWAYS ON TIME!!!
never forget that