Thursday, December 27, 2007

Relax and enjoy

The world will wind you up into a tight little ball if you let it. Don't let it.
Relax and enjoy the ever-changing flow of being alive. There's no point in working yourself into a frenzy about anything.
The more uptight you are, the more mistakes you make. Relax, stop taking everything so seriously, and you'll find that you're vastly more effective.
Put a big, authentic and friendly smile on your face. Put some delightful positive thoughts in your mind.
The worst that could happen will almost certainly not happen. And even if it does, you'll find a way to handle it.
Live with passion and purpose while letting go of the tension and anxiety. Relax and enjoy every moment as it comes, and you'll be giving the world your very best.
-- Ralph Marston


So i think this says it all for 08! don't you a lot of things can be harder than they seem to be, so if we learn to just sit back and enjoy life then we can surely move better...

so how was your holiday? mines was extremely busy and (well i'll wait until the end)

so the weekend, Saturday, Sunday and Monday it was all about me and him shopping, shopping and more shopping...he had at least started i hadn't done anything...the weekend also marked the weekend that we met...we didn't do anything special or big, just hung out and enjoyed each others company...

i can admit at one point it was a bit much and i didn't know if we were going to make it through and then all of a sudden i just just STOPPED! i stopped worrying about it all, and just let things develop and be what they were going to be, because YES i OVER analyze EVERYTHING i mean everything, and it doesn't help that i have friends that do too...its not a bad thing, but it can be cumbersome to not just the other person, but for ME! and wouldn't you know it, that when i pray and let things go things turn around (i mean REALLY when will i ever learn to just let things just be...the more i put MY hands in things the more messed up they get) so i not only had a good time, we actually bonded and talked and had very open and honest much needed conversation and all because HE saw that somethings needed to be said...i didn't prompt it, i didn't ask for it, so i just sat and listened...as he admitted to things and it was like wow you get it, you really get it...wow...

so anywho, moving on...on Christmas day i was with my loving, yet always crazy family! i love my family, we ate breakfast and opened gifts and laughed and joked...it was absolutely awesome! i love being around my parents, especially on the holidays...my dad isn't getting any better health wise so times like these are precious...then i went to see my god-sons...who are too smart for their own good, 2 going on 5 years old, sharp! we had too much fun! then i chilled for a hot second got up headed to my aunt and uncles for dinner...same thing good food lots of fun...family love...it was GREAT!

until i got over heated AGAIN, all weekend when we were shopping i would get super hot and overheated, Sunday i almost passed out...so i got overheated AGAIN and they (meaning my aunts) took my blood pressure and it was 147/91...so i got it together and started driving home and decided that i needed to go to the er...and there it was 159/101...not good...i don't think i got the service i should have gotten although they did an EKG they should have also done a CT Scan (according to my aunt) because i had so much pressure in my head...but by yesterday morning when i got to the doctor's office my pressure was 124/88...still high but down...so what does that conclude to me...

its a wake up call...i keep saying imma stop stressing over things that i have no control over, well i MUST because stress will kill you if you let it...i keep saying i need to exercise, well i must because my health is definitely an issue and its obvious that i can't gain anymore weight, but more so than that i need to make a lifestyle change, i don't drink, i don't smoke...but i need to eat right and exercise and again NOT stress...and i MUST do it...

part of the problem, i must admit has been my hair...me and my hair, its been a long HARD road, but i love it being natural, its a LOT healthier this way, but that makes for hard times when trying to work out regularly...but i must begin to do so...like jac said, in her most recent blog, hair just posses so many dilemmas....maybe i'll just have to keep it braided up but i just got it cut into a choppy like bob style and its really cute....but CLEARLY my health is more important than a hair do...Sooooooooo....anywho moving forward

i must say even with the er visit my holiday was GREAT! i really bonded with my family and just enjoyed them and all the love we shared. i also really bonded with him...our first year wasn't like the first year that most people go through it was like a lot of figuring out and growth and seeing if this was really what we "thought" it was...

so now i move forward with my life, with looking at things and putting me and my health FIRST!a lot will remain the same but a LOT will change in 08...i just have to much to live for so its time that i live and let live...

LOVE,LAUGH,LEARN

Let life's richness flow
Accomplishment comes when you allow it. Fulfillment comes when you allow it.
Worry, resentment, anger, envy and fear all serve to prevent your best possibilities from being realized. The more you learn to let go of the negative influences, the more easily and naturally will the richness of life flow through you.
How many worthwhile and fulfilling experiences have you missed because you were worried about what others might think? How many precious days have you wasted by being filled with resentment or fear?
You have so many beautiful places to go. There are so many valuable and fulfilling things you can do.
Begin today to more faithfully follow those bright and shining purposes that are deep within you. Let the negative, limiting thoughts and perceptions fall quietly and uneventfully away from you as quickly as they come.
Open your spirit, and allow your most beautiful possibilities to come to life. Remember who you truly are, and let life's richness flow.
-- Ralph Marston

Thursday, December 20, 2007

until the day

so i haven't been on here for a minute because you know i have been WORKING busting my butt...i even decided NOT to take my vacation because we have several deadlines that need to be met, so like i told my boss this morning "i am trying to make my mark"

life is good though you know...just gotta keep pushin that's all we can do, without struggle there is no progress without struggle you can't appreciate the golden times, feel me...sometimes we have to go through what we go through to appreciate the sunshine...

so you know everyday is everyday...we keep moving forward, we keep living, we keep loving, we keep giving of ourselves and of our hearts....

i am smiling ya'll i am HERE!

so until the day....

Friday, December 14, 2007

classic muppets

i don't know about you, but i LOVED LOVED LOVED the muppets when i was little
today a co-worker sent me these two clips and i fell out at mydesk!!! i mean fell out so i just had to share! have a good weekend...and live, love, laugh and LEARN!


Mahna Mahna


Oh Danny Boy

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Morning Inspiration....

you know what i have been feeling down lately but you know what a good nights rest after washing your hair and just letting it do what it do (i look like the lion queen..lol)

you gotta get up and say you know what it is what it is...so i got dressed for this 60 degree weather (you know i'll be sick next week...LOL syke naw i covered up...) but i MUST say i am looking rather cute...i gotta a little swagger this morning...gray booties and all...

HELLO!

so let's give thanks today...something new but i am feeling inspired...

for life and to life (i started say that a while ago)
for my wonderful parents that are crazy as all get out but are my guidance and loves no matter what I do, they are always there for me
for my bestest who listens to me and all of my stuff, but how actually LISTENS to me NOW when i tell her something, she is actually getting it...and in turn reminds me to get it too
for all my sistah friends who are wonderfully different and special in their own ways and give me inspiration to just be me...they are truly wonderful ladies
for my blogger family for all your kind and inspiring words
for my brothers (biological and other) thank you for showing what a real man is...and that there are some good black men out here!
for my Kiamsha family and all of the love, for the kiamsha youth for giving back to me more than i give to you
for you, yes you...never last, never least, ups and downs, rights or wrongs, its me and you...its been a crazy year, but its almost a year...seems like i have known you forever, for for the strides that have been taken in the past month alone...

and since my girl Mary J's album drops next week 12/18/07...I wanted to give us all a little something to jam to this morning....


Have a Happy Hump Day...life in the grander scheme of things is always just fine

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

where is the comedy???

it seems like the one thing that makes my day hasn't happened in sometime and that's the comedy that tends to happen on the Metro...
man oh man, the things that one can see or hear on the train going to and from work, not to mention that i now have been going to Friendship Heights at least once (sometimes twice) a week for my allergy shot, and nada, nothing, zip!

no one has acted a fool on the train in a minute...i know i know its ignant for me to want to have my day fulfilled by the foolishness of others, but imma just be real, that gets me through my commute..

the closets i have been was when last week this bama sang and rapped the WHOLE train ride, OUT LOUD like he was at home in the shower somewhere...CLASSIC! and the bama couldn't sing and couldn't rap, but he was going for it you hear me...

then i told you guys yesterday about the make up man...SMH and you KNOW its a shame where you HAVE ON make up and you STILL look a hot mess...

see nothing...not even the least bit funny...

i have had more comedy come from my 3 year old nephew than these grown folks...

i mean really people get it together and make me laugh!

Monday, December 10, 2007

rAndomneSS

i guess i need to start coming up with titles for these, but for the most part these posts are just randomly what i am thinking at the time...

so this weekend was cool, my little BIG sis came home for her nephews 3rd birthday and my and my Miles (my own 3 year old nephew) went- needless to say we had fun...good food, laughing and joking, talking trash, catching up! (oh yea and there was plenty for the kids to do too) he was going to stay the night with me, but he wasn't feeling good so i took him home because i feel like sick children do best in their own beds, in their own homes, with their own parents (you know just like adults)

sunday was cool, me love is yet again getting ready to leave for an extended stay for business, so yesterday will be the last time i see him for a couple of weeks then he'll be off again...not saying that its easy, but you know nothing worth having is easy, you have to make things work, that's if you want them to. the past couple of weeks i think we have both been doing some real self and relationship evaluation. we have had to come to some hard conclusions about ourselves and what the reality is. which can be hard especially for two very strong willed people. so what is our reality. we love each other, we don't like each other at times, and we still have a lot of growing to do. we both want it to work, but there has been indeed a power struggle if you will. i can only speak for myself but part of my issue has been learning to grow with someone else and not losing myself. i don't know about you all, but for me who has been in a not so good relationship before, i want to let go and not be controlling or run things...but that takes a lot of trust and although i trust i also don't...why? because that means giving over control-so to keep a little bit of that i question, i question a lot actually, i have always been that way though...i was the typical "why" child you know...but that doesn't work necessarily in a relationship...to question everything all the time...yea not so much LOL

so i am learning to deal with my alpha male (yes he is indeed an alpha libra male SMH)
so with that i am now reading "liberation through submission: freedom for all relationships" it was recommended by one of my girls who is also married...its supposed allow anyone to relate on all levels and give practical spiritual advice on submission...so with that being said, its about me trying to take that ptractical advice and some other stuff and figure out who is TC, the strong lioness of HER-learning how to be a strong woman spritiually and the importance of submission in relationships in general and in love relationships (especially marriage since that is where i want to some day be) is the importance of this read...how do we get there to be able to relate, not lose self, and build together...not an easy task, but we'll see

another thing is i am learning that its hard to let go of some stuff...you can say something jokingly and think that its just that a joke, but the other person doesn't see it that way...we must always be mindful of others and their feelings...when someone says that they don't like something, even if it doesn't make sense to you, it makes sense to them so respect it...sounds simple enough but again taking others into consideration can often be a lot harder than we initially think

so Michael Vick got 23 months for dog fighting, on top of the 900K that he had to pay to care for the remaining dogs...can i say it doesn't make sense to me. 900K for dogs! now don't get me wrong, i love dogs, animals in general, but i grew up with dogs, so i am a dog lover...but 900K to take care of dogs and we have people living in the streets going hungry, homeless, babies are dying because they don't have food to eat! needless to say i believe that the 900K could have gone to something else, my opinion...i also won't go on about the fact that he 23 months for dog fighting when people are drunk driving and endangering lives and get probation or commit assault or other ha nous crimes and get less time, again my opinion...

i try to stay away from talking about stuff like this on my blog, but i guess i just wanted to say something...a lot of craziness is just happening and its sad

one of my close friends told me today that she really has had a tough year, i think we all have, she is going through the "finally letting go" process...you know when the relationship is over and its been over for a while but you start to feel angry again. it happens. you thought that you had moved on but in reality you just buried what was hurting, you thought that you had forgiven the person but really you hadn't. forgiveness i have come to understand is more so about you than the other person, when you forgive you let go you set that free and it allows YOU to move on from the hurt and the anger...people don't always act or turn out to be who WE want them to be...but that's okay. reality is that WE aren't what THEY want either half the time. its about learning and being okay with that. no one is perfect, and coming to terms with the role that YOU played in the relationship and facing YOURSELF can be the hardest part of the process...

why is it that its so hard for us to face ourselves? or face reality? it seems to be the underlining theme behind a lot of unnecessary drama and pain. if we would just face ourselves, our imperfections and figure out what we are okay with and what we aren't then we can move on and be "fine" with who we are....but you have got to face yourself. you have got to be open to knowing and understanding that there is ALWAYS opportunity for growth

so the guy on the train really had on "man makeup" last week...yes make-up SMH...well i guess...

i want everything and then nothing at all for the holiday...how about just some nice peace and quite and reflection time. that always seems to do me some good. i currently have no major plans and being that me love will be away, i am thinking that some much needed me time, will do me well as i transition into the next year...some things NEED to be left in 2007! so with that being said, time to just think and chill will help with the reflection-self evaluation process so that i can move forward

truth is i am not where i THOUGHT i would be at this point, not professionally, not financially, not emotionally, not spiritually, not relationship wise, NOTHING...

BUT reality is i am not where i was either, life happens and it doesn't always turn out how we thought that it would and the truth of the matter is that i am seeing that there is a lesson in all of this, so its time for me to work through the ups and downs and be alright with reality and be alright with what it is...truth is for the most part i am happy, i am growing in all aspects of my life, so it might not be where I THOUGHT it would be but its not about me or up to me...still learning a lot about faith...

still learning a lot about me

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A dedication to my favorite Band...

Today is Frankie Beverly of Maze Ft. Frankly Beverly's 61st Birthday!


When I say i LOVE this band, i LOVE this band...below is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES

Enjoy....

this is the reason i love music...it transcends, it has no color, no prejudices, its beats, rhythms, soul, heart, joy, pain...it is...it just is...

Truly great

Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious.
Many of life's best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment.

If the only things you experienced were pleasure and comfort, it would be impossible for you to fully appreciate them. A life of total ease and a complete lack of challenge would be unbearably tedious.

When the next challenge comes your way, when the next obstacle blocks your progress, find it in yourself to be thankful. For the difficulties provide you with truly magnificent opportunities to create value, to find meaning and fulfillment in living.

The challenges enable you to give of yourself and to make a real difference. And that's something you desire at the deepest level.

Life is not always easy. And because of that, you have the opportunity to make it truly great.
-- Ralph Marston


so here is the deal right, when things come along that seem to be frustrating and upsetting, instead of harping on them, maybe if we begin to look at them as just another life lesson, something that we can learn from and move forward from, then maybe, just maybe it won't seem so bad...the challenges in life that make us question who we are, are those challenges that will help us move into the next level or phase of our adulthood...because lets face it, none of us are perfect and all of us have flaws, the sooner we realize that the better off we can be, because then we are open to understand or open to hear things about ourselves and open to new experiences and see life not as this big ugly monster that is trying to drain the ever living breath out of us, but for what it is and that's simply life...and as the song goes "life is what you make it" so embrace the challenges, embrace the disappointments and realize that what you think are disappointments can truly be blessings...life always has a way of working itself out, and day by day i begin to understand the meaning of faith and believing in Jehovah GOD and what HIS will will be...i am no where near where I thought i would be at this point in my life...but at the same time, day by day i am becoming and beginning to embrace this because quit honestly, its just not my time for certain things...as bad as I want them, its just not my time yet...clearly there is still some work that needs to be done...so off to the races we go...

live, laugh, love my people

Monday, December 03, 2007

letting go...

i think that letting go is the hardest thing that you can do in life...
letting go of media's perception of what beauty is
letting go of what your parents or others "think" is best of you

letting go of past hurts and past pains

letting go of the fact that you aren't really in control of your life

letting go of the "hopes" and the "dreams" and facing your realities, which can actually be a whole lot BETTER than what you thought life could really be

letting go of being angry, being mad, being sad

letting go of a relationship

letting go of being in control-

letting go of yourself and allowing yourself to just "be" to just be in the moment, be in the day, and stop worrying, stop stressing over things that you have no control over...
i find myself coming to the end of 07 and looking forward to 08, and saying to myself

"just let go"

life has a way of working itself out, and you can't force things to happen...

i have a tendency of over analyzing everything, you name it i over think it...

and you know what i am tired...i am tired of thinking all of the time...my brain, my mind, my spirit just needs a rest...

its time to let go...just let go and let life happen how its supposed to happen...

clearly i don't have the answers, clearly i don't even have an idea...so its time that i just turn things over and let things be...

so as the last month of the year works itself through and i pledge to revitalize my body, my mind and my spirit...and although i know that i have been raised and trained to be critical of mostly myself...i have decided

i am just simly letting go and letting life be what its gonna be

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

does this describe me? (inspired by blu)

You Are Boyish Sexy
You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boysWhether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.


so tell me what you think folks, is this me?

rAndomneSS

i can't imagine how it feels to lose a loved one in a violent way...people...it doesn't matter or does it your past...at the present time, none of that matters to me, it just matters that someone lost his life, and it doesn't make sense to me...
life is so short..and the saddest part is that people don't value life anymore...its truly sad...
RIP #21...my prayers are with you and your family...

another senseless event happened over the holiday weekend...a buddy of mines got jumped and will be in surgery today...so my prayers go out to him as well...

sometimes i don't know what to say or how to feel...i, Miss TC-mouth all might, doesn't know what to say or how to say it...and that i totally don't get...you feel me...like i don't get how i can be so articulate with anything else, but when it comes to you i crumble...i feel like everything i say is being picked apart and nothing i say is right...i don't like that feeling...i don't like feeling like you are being a smart azz...i really don't...i don't know how to take your comments i don't know how to feel sometimes...i honestly don't..

i just wish you would tell me what to do...because right now i truly don't know...

sometimes i hate this dating game, this whole blinding of two people, its hard you have two totally different people coming together to blind...two GROWN people that have been who they have been for YEARS before they met, and then you again have to blind...two people raised by two different types of people with different backgrounds...i don't know how to do this...i really don't know how to do this...i have been independent and "doing me" and i don't know how to let a man be a man and lead...i don't know and when i say talk to me, i am asking you to do that, talk to me...because i don't know...all i know is that i felt like my mother was totally weak when she "submitted" to my father's every wish...and i now know that there is total strength in submitting...but i don't know how to do it...not fully...and we aren't married yet...so how do you let him do his thang as a man, not lose yourself as a woman, stand your ground and not lose him...yea i am totally confused...totally...and telling him i just want it to be a "partnership" doesn't seem to be working...i say A he says Z...don't get it...

as i grow "up" there are just so many things i totally don't get...

i just needed to vent

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

gotta love em



















what would life be without friends...mines would be pretty boring...you are your friends...


so even as i transition into another stage, who knows what that will be...i wouldn't be anything without my gurls...my ladies

and i am SO POURD of each and every one of you....I love you dearly!




so as we embark on this thanksgiving week/weekend, just know that i am truly thankful for you!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sports filled weekend

so this weekend was totally all about sports!

saturday night, kiamsha (being a non-profit and having an alumni inside connect) was given 30 tickets to go see the Wizards v. Portland at the Verizon Center. We only used about 8 of those 30 because a lot of the students and mentors didn't respond...but me and RJ (the soon to be RH) had a good time with the youth...there are always drop off and pick up issues, but all and all it was a good bonding experience for them just to go out with us and see us act silly and it also let them have a little "freedom" away from the parents for a few hours....

i am not really a basketball fan when watching it on tv, and the game was pretty uneventful to me, therefore i wasn't there for that, but rather to bond with the students and i think that mission was accomplished...PLUS Glibert wasn't playing which sucked but that other Jamenson dude played and played pretty well...

after that i went home and cleaned the house at 11pm at night! yea, i know it was late but i can't really rest with the house being a mess...so i cleaned it up

sunday, was pretty lo-key spent some time with me love, it was cool, but the majority of the afternoon and into the evening it was just me, myself and I...i hadn't had any real "me time" being sick doesn't really allow for that just relaxing time since you are sick...the house was clean, clothes washed and dinner was done so i could just enjoy the Skins v. Cowboys game...

now aside from the name, i am and will ALWAYS be a skins fan...true blooded...and it doesn't come from my father or brothers loving the Skins, that was just the hometown team that i gravitated towards as a little one and have remained loyal ever since...that's one thing about Skins fans, if nothing else we are totally loyal...and although we lost the game, we fought up until the very end...i mean Santa Moss' one handed catch, Campbell's yardage...we really fought and didn't give up, even with that last rush at the end...and i'll say losing with fight in us beats just winning, we actually played on sunday so i am proud of them!

now the phone call from me love and my homegirl afterwards i could have lived without, but hey whatever...like i told them..."at least we played, and played well"

so that was my weekend, totally chill and centered around a fabulous press that left my hair bouncy and fluffy (she used no grease) cleaning, sports...OH and i hung out and had some 1 on 1 daddy daughter time, just me and my daddy on saturday afternoon...we'll post about that later though...

so yea back to feeling normal again...being sick drains me!

Friday, November 16, 2007

friday frankness

sometimes i get tired too!
is that soooo hard to believe...that YES, me the strong one, the one that is always there to listen, the one that is always there to run and lend a helping hand, to cook feed, clothe, offer a place to stay, money...whatever is tired!

Maybe that's why i have been sick lately, maybe because i take care of everyone around me and deal with all of their stuff and still have the weight of my own...

that's not to say that when i have issues, people don't listen, they do, but then somehow it gets turned back to them, so why talk...why open my mouth and talk at all?
i must admit though, that i have been feeling rather lonely...not that people aren't a phone call away, but again, it somehow goes back to them...or maybe its just the whole living alone thing is getting kinda old...i like "my space" and peace...but on days like yesterday when i was home alone sick, it was just that, i was home alone sick...everyone has got something to do, lives to live, work to accomplish...so it was this empty feeling just sitting there alone...just me and the tv...yea pretty much sucked...
that alone feeling...not a good one to say the least you know...especially when you give so much to everyone around you and you don't get anything back...but i don't know how to be mean, or unresponsive when someone needs me...its not in my character...who knows...


i can't wait until next Wednesday at 5pm, you wanna know why, because i will have a 4 day weekend, and quit frankly i look forward to doing nothing...

maybe i'll go away, maybe i'll go and visit my older brother and sister-in-law in Richmond...they take care of me...i can do nothing and actually have people listen to what it is that i have to say...(and i am NOT saying people don't listen) but for the most part people hear what they want to hear and if it doesn't directly affect them, they could care less...

maybe that's me just being frank...but hey that's reality

Monday, November 12, 2007

????

currently that's the thing that can most describe how i am feeling

there are in DEED a lot of question marks that lie before me...

at the beginning of the year i felt like OK this is it, this will be MY year...but i have come to learn that clearly GOD has some other ideas in mind about how my life should and will turn out...

and so with that i just have to let go and stop worrying...i think or know rather that the worrying will only make things worse...so i have to prepare myself to just stand up and take even better care of myself and move forward and walk forward...

so healthy living, healthy eating, yoga (for more reasons than one), exercise...feeding myself more with the spiritual food it is that i need...all of those things...

so no predictions for 08, no predictions for the holidays...no if not this than that, or if this than that...how about i just take my life day by day...keep it moving...pray and just keep it moving...

just live the BEST life that i can possibly live! that's all i can do, that's all any of us can do...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

greens & chicken wings

that's what i cooked on Sunday...

and not canned greens, i am talking fresh leaf collard greens! and they were good and NOT hard to make at all...

on top of that i fried chicken wings for me love...yes people, i cooked a for real for real Sunday dinner for me and me love...and it was good...

all apart of my "chicken wing test" because his late brother told him you can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cooks her wings, i "passed" the first test with my bar-b-que and baked wings...now it was all about the friend...LOL

it was cool though, especially since he liked them and said it was good and i must admit i think they were good too...i also baked some wings so that i could have them for dinner the next couple of nights. why? because i don't like fried chicken unless its fresh hot out the pan...and i must say my baked chicken skills are on the ONE....

so yea me...

all in all pretty good weekend...i cleaned out all of my papers and organized my closest! yes people I, TC, organized my closet all by myself and I feel so much better!!!! i can breathe you know...

i am now looking for a yoga class to attend because i am stressed and need to find a way to release that...but now i am going into the randomness and that'll have to wait until tomorrow because i am ready to leave this camp

Friday, November 02, 2007

cali's for visiting, east coast for living...

at least that's how i feel at the present time...
but let's talk about the trip.... it was GREAT

So Saturday morning i get up and friggin 5AM so that i can get to the airport...
no problems there, but i was raining like cats and dogs...i mean a total mess outside
so needless to say i was totally happy to get on the plane to leave that mess to hit up the sunshine and low 80s weather...
then to top it off the Harry Potter movie that I didn't get to see this summer was the in flight show, so again I was hyped...

I land, jac and jenn pick me up, and its off the races...
first we hit up Kendo a female tennis shoe spot that has stuff you can't find anywhere...one of my goals for the trip was to definitely buy a pair of kicks from this spot...and indeed i did...a pair of etnies, i got 1 out of the 177 pairs that were made...and they are HOT...
see below

I think those are HOT and Imma rock um....
from there we walked up Melrose Ave to window shop and hit up Aldo Liquidation...so i got a purse and some gray booties, and two pairs of earrings for all of $70...YES!

then we hit up Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles...HELLO! and at this time i find out that jenn don't play when it comes to food, my kind of girl because anyone that knows me knows i will send something back QUICK...

we leave there and hit the downtown fashion/garmet district...not the safest area, but the bags and clothes totally worth it...i got two more bags that are FAB U LOUS!

we hit the Beverly center and then we head to baby boi's to hang out...the original plan was to go out, but i totally didn't want to party at all, so we didn't...

Sunday
jac gets up and burns in the kitchen, i am talking about eggs, waffles, turkey bacon & susage...WHAT...you know if you keep me feed, you keep me happy!

we go to service which was GREAT and right on time talking about love and mercy...
then we head downtown Long Beach for a festival that happens to only be a block, but it was beautiful and sunny and we sat outside and ate a late lunch it was great...

also its on this day that i have a relationship revelation, but that's for another post...

we go home and try to take a nap but not really, and get up and get ready for the Teedra Moses concert...we never make it because traffic was a HOT mess...and some lady even bumps jenn's car, not once but TWICE...i jumped out the back about to rip into the lady...it was a mess...BUT you know what, i still had a ball...
i must say that hanging out with these ladies was just what i needed...it was great to hang out with wonderfully, educated, lovable happy professional women


Monday & Tuesday

monday am the car service picks me up and i am off to a full day conference, meetings, and dinner with colleagues...so it was totally all about work...it was very rewarded and i think helped me network and continue gathering the confidence that i can grow professionally...

never say never, since i have never lived there...but LA is a place I would LOVE to go and visit on a regular basis but i don't know if i would want to live there...there are no seasons, no trees turning to fall colors, no snow (well not in LA at least), there are fires and earthquakes...
there are a whole lot of freeways and expressways, that i TOTALLY didn't understand the 101, the 110, the 91 and the 405...several people tried to explain it to me, but i didn't get it...
and the TRAFFIC aw man aw man the TRAFFIC...we didn't even get to see the concert ALL because traffic...but i did totally like the diversity...being from the DMV (DC, MD, VA) area, i forget that majority of the world is NOT Black because that's all i see...so it was good to see the world with those chocolate colored glasses off...

all in all TC had a GREAT time thanks to the hosting of the lovely jac & jenn...so i shall be back!

Friday, October 26, 2007

can't nobody do it betta

so as of 8:32am, I will board a Boeing 757 for my 5 hour flight to the beautiful California...
yea most of you all would say with the wild fires and all it probably isn't so hot...but to that i say

you haters...you are just mad because i will be in the sun chilling in Beverly Hills, Compton, and the LBC while all my wonderful family friends are stuck here in the rain...and i have NEVER been to the west coast so i am totally excited...totally!

more over i just need to get away and right now this is the perfect time...its right before the holiday rush, right before things pick up, yet again at work...just a good time to just slip away...me love is away on business...


so the time is right for TAC to get intouch with HERSELF west coast style....


so i'll be with jac & jenn, chillin it up big time....lovely lady style ya dig...


imma leave this fall weather to you east coasters and will see ya'll next week

holllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa back...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

rAndomneSS (X)

you know you go through life and you have to really stop yourself and always say that things could a lot worse

tuesday of last week i was totally frustrated, my mother was complaining, i was feeling discouraged at work (you know how when you go through those moments of, ok what am i doing all of this for, when people are constantly saying "i did" never acknowledging you OR when people just take you for granted), just feeling overwhelmed...

i vented to me love, he really didn't have much to say...he tried to make me laugh by joking, but that's not always going to work, take my feelings seriously you know...that of course frustrated me too...

i went to meet up with my line sister and saw her new baby last Wednesday night, i stayed only for a moment because i had a terrible migraine you know...my little cousin had her first live performance but i didn't make it...i heard it was awesome and i saw the pictures so you know...that's what's up

i keep having headaches...it might be the headbands or it might not...

i need to get an allergy shot today and then again on Friday since i leave for Cali on Saturday morning...seems like Friday will be doctor day (or morning rather-because i gotta come to work)

i need to get away, i feel like i am about to scream so the break away from everything and everyone on the east coast is right on time...don't get me wrong i love my family and friends, but i am looking forward to the trip, hell i am even looking forward to the flights to and from, you know why because i will be unreachable, so i'll take a good book or two and just read or sleep or just sit and do nothing...

i will make my mind shot the hell up and do nothing!

JAC will host my stay on Saturday and Sunday and for that i am totally grateful, she is a very laid back type of sistah...so i know it'll be a low-key weekend which is just what i need right now...just to lay low, sit back and relax that's what i need right now in my life...to just get away...and i have never been to the west coast...the furthest out i have gone is Vegas...and that was for work, well this is for work too, but at least i am going out a day earlier...i wonder how all of these wild fires will play out...

its supposed to rain here for the next couple of days and i am looking forward to that too...maybe i'll get some much needed rest...i haven't been resting the last couple of nights my mind keeps running in circles...and the rain seems to calm me...rain is so peaceful...i'll turn everything off in my house and just sit in the dark and just listen...i feel closer to Jehovah during those times...and that's always a good thing

me love says i think too much, put to much brain power into certain things...so imma take his advice and stop...we had a very interesting conversation on saturday and he made an effort to communicate with me...i appreciate that more than i think he knows sometimes...communication is very key you know...and when you don't have it a lot of hell can break loose for no reason at all you know, just a lot of unnecessary stuff happens when people don't communicate...

how about i love him a lot, but right now, i am not liking him...i know i know a total contradiction to what i just said, but i don't...maybe in a couple hours or a moment or whatever i will like him...just as much as he does he doesn't do...awwww the question, when is your best not good enough OR when is it that i "believe" or "feel" that you aren't doing your best...because i have seen it...i know every relationship goes them peeks and valley's but cot dag it...you are getting on my nerves...and so now i must resort to acting like you...i hate doing that...the whole imma act like you act so that you can see how it feels thing...seems like a game you know...but hell i need my sanity too...so let the games begin...being busy is one thing not making an effort is another...bump this corporate girlfriend crap...and like my momma always taught me if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all...so when i say NOTHING...you will know why...

still broke, what else is new...

had a rap session with the Kiamsha youth last night about Kiamsha, their role and what it is that they want out of life...they wrote out their mission statements...it was pretty awesome to hear some of them...some where off the hook like "my mission is to stay fresh..." but some where on point...one stated "to not become a statistic and graduate from high school" a lot of deeper stuff going on with that statement...my personal mission for the Kiamsha year is to "impact every student but planting at least a seed of knowledge" my point being that a lot of times you can touch people in different ways, so if i can touch every student where it counts for them individually that will be awesome...the rap session was on friendships-relationships-aw yes SEX...they seem to be "keeping it real" these days so i kept it real with them and did an STD slide show...and i told them that they ALL HAD TO LOOK...its important to give young people all the facts, that their bodies are built to go crazy around the opposite sex, but its up to them to think and control themselves and not allow themselves to placed in a compromising situation...because a simple kiss can lead to sex...and sex with the wrong person can be life changing...i think that they get that...

that leads me to my next point...people aren't talking anymore to young people, but young people are listening to the elders either...such a disconnect...but i'll do another post in and of itself on that topic it deserves a stand alone....

so the new Common video is one 106 & Park tonight, but its already the Jam of the Week on comcast (see why i can't do away with comcast) i watched it last night...and i likes i likes..

so "Why did I get Married?" over the weekend with my mom...she says i am like Angela, but that i was really like Sheila when me and O broke up...i think i can agree with that...i was at first taken aback by the whole Angela comment...and although i am not THAT off the HOOK...i do pretty much say what's on my mind, and i am a totally loyal friend...so maybe out of the 4 she does fit me more so than anyone else...

holla at me in the comments and have a good week people

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

got to have the funk

if you love FUNK you have GOT to check this out

gettin thAngs in order

so here lately i have been trying to get some thangs in order

mainly my financial health, i must say that financially i have been rather ill for the past couple of what months, hell let's just say the entire year of 2007...

my money has been and seems to like to stay on the "funny" end of things and i am tired and frustrated so i have been looking at some ways to cut things back and pull in things so that i can stop over extending myself...

i love living alone and i want to continue living alone you dig, but in order to do that, i will have to make sure that i have all my funds lined up properly ya dig...so i can continue to do so
so let's look at the recent steps that i have taken to make sure that all is well in the land of TC

1. contact the credit card companies to get a lower interest rate and make sure that there was a proper payment plan to help me maximize my payments being applied to my account-this will save me about $150-200 a month

2. contacted Comcast to see what i can do about this cable bill, so i signed up for the Comcast Triple play, i'll now get my home phone service with them and keep my cable and internet...so that will keep my bill basically the same and save me about $70 a month in monthly home phone services

3. i have a nextel cell as well as a Verizon cell, and i am bout to just chulk up that $200 to get the nextel phone cut off, in the long run that is going to save me another $65-70 a month too

4. definitely about to start cooking more so that i only buy lunch 1 a week and dinner on Monday nights ONLY... that should save me $30-40 a week...

so those slight changes will allow me to save about $315-380 a month, which is what i need to save to prepare for the holidays AND prepare for my additional student loans that are going to kick in come January of 08

all by cutting some access fat from my budget...

its truly amazing you can feel when you make some changes and you KNOW you will see a difference in your monthly budget...and trust me its much needed...i'll feel a whole lot lighter...you know...a whole lot lighter

man this whole getting grown thang aint what its all cut out to be...i mean growing as a person and all of that is cool, but the day to day responsibilities can totally be overwhelming at times, especially when you are doing it by yourself, it can be hard...but you know you got to do what you got to do....

i was actually thinking about getting another truck, but that will wait until the spring of next year once i know what the lease office is going to do...i spoke with the property manager last night and she said she doesn't foresee an increase...so that's GREAT news and if they don't Imma stay put right where i am, because finding a nice place to live is not easy at all...

so my bills are paid, i am broke once again, but at least i can see the light at the end of the tunnel...and don't get me wrong i am GOOD place, actually GREAT...i just know that with everything scarifices must be made you feel me...

Monday, October 15, 2007

the weekend....

was fun!!!

it was me loves birthday weekend, so we were going to spend it together, or i kept having to say "its your birthday weekend, its whatever you want to do" and so it was ON and popping for us to run around and just have fun...

We started off Saturday late because i was stuck in traffic and late getting to him, but we still got up to Bmore about noonish to hit the flea market (he loves the flea market), then we go to Arundal Mills, then to PG Plaza, then to Pentagon City, then to Annapolis Mall...

yes we went from Bmore to VA to Annapolis all in one day...so needless to say we were exhausted...but that's what he wanted to do, nothing big just walking around laughing, joking, talking, just being friends...we ate dinner and that was that...

and during our travels we came a across a few characters to say the least:

1. tight sweatpants boi #1 (picture a not so small, grown man, with a process in his hair-slicked down to the sides, with a x-smedium polo shirt on, with female sweatpants that too were x-smedium...switching and talking on his phone in PG Plaza...yea...i know)

2. tight sweatpants boi #2 (not picture another not to small, grown man, with some x-smedium brown VELOUR sweatpants on, a x-smedium shirt, flip flops and a purse, yes a purse, with more twist in his hips than me walking around in Pentagon City)

3. weave boi (picture a 130 pound 5'6" tall brown skinned guy, with a black tank top on, black slacks a studded belt, snake skinned boots, and a weave that would put beyonce to shame...he was clearly a man because his mustache was shaped to perfection...the boy was BAD and unlike #s 1 & 2, we couldn't tell if he was more of a prince type of dude or not...the jury is still out on this one)

and finally

4. Popeye's youngin (this guy...i am laughin as i type this, CLEARLY did NOT want to be at work, or maybe he just has that you know imma sound like i don't want to be here no matter what voice...it was one of those deep, slow, maybe i got high before i came to work so you can't really understand what the hell i am saying and once i have said it for the third time, you can now respond but only after you stop laughing...yea that was dude...)

so needless to say...we had a ball at looking at all the people, the happy couple at Arundal Mills, that was probably married for lik e40/50 years and were still kissy kissy....the babies and little kids to the 1000+1 preggers women...to the big butts and bama dudes he kept saying looked like "me" LOL...

Sunday we hung out and watched football...

so yes it was a pretty much chilled out weekend if you feel me

i was so nervous i didn't know if he would like he "extra" gifts...see i had already bought the retro 8's so he didn't think he was getting anything else, but i got him some "smell goods", some matching socks for the 8's that he was really happy about something about they are hard to find because they don't let your feet sweat, and his favorite movie of the moment "knocked up" it is truly funny though...

he also really like his cards...

yea me! i like being the "good girlfriend" LOL...

the highlight was when he said thank you and told me he was happy...and that he appreciated me and all of my efforts and the fact that they were genuine...

he and i haven't always had the smooth road, but things seem to be coming together very well and i really enjoy his company and being around him..he's like my bestest...we just kick it, and there is a bond and a connection that is different and then there is a sweetness of the heart to heart...

so all and all a good weekend...good times good times

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

giving space

sometimes giving the person you love space is the hardest thing to do...
not space in th since of to "do them" and date others, not that kind of space

i am talking about that space that you have to give, that thin line you must carefully walk when the other person has a lot on their minds and there is nothing you can really do about it but wait and let them come to you when they are ready

you know its something bothering them, and you don't know if its you, their job, their family, or just one of those times when they are just simply in a funk...

so what do you do?

you let them know you are there for them good or bad, right or wrong, thick or thin and you just wait...

its especially hard for someone like me who always wants to be the person to nuture and help those that are near and dear to me...but i can't...i have to let him be a man and figure things out on his own

so that my friends is the hardest part about giving space, for me anyways

Friday, October 05, 2007

rAdomneSS (VIIII)

i keep getting sick...this time it was fluid in my lungs and sinuses...SUCKS...
but with this new asthma and allergy specialist i am seeing we shall hopefully see a better season

did i tell you guys that i am now on allergy shots, i am also on a sinus rinse, two nasal sprays AND an inhaler...i have to do this twice a day! then you add in being sick and you add meds to take in the am and then in the pm...plus another inhaler...again, totally SUCKS

being sick kept me from doing something that i wanted to do this week too...

i was to go with Kiamsha to Charlotte to the Annual ASALH conference...do youth day and actually sit on a panel to talk with Dr. John Hope Franklin...if you haven't read any of his work especially Mirror to America you need to pick it up...its totally inspiring, changing my life to read about a man being totally dedicated to education and to himself...despite all of his "obstacles" that came his way, he maintained and prevailed...

but i couldn't go with bronchitis...it wouldn't have been smart on my part

the other thing is, i terribly miss bonding with the young people...i love young people...and i love being around my older mentors and the historians...its always a weekend of learning and growing and i totally miss being a part of it

so what to do being that i am coming off of being sick and no one is around...NOTHING

me love, has to work, and all of me gurls are either in NC, NJ or just plain busy...so that leaves me to have ME TIME...

if you have been reading this for a while you know that i truly enjoy having me time, but sometimes i would much rather prefer not to have it...

like last weekend...me and me love (i think that'll be what i call him from now on, me love) spent the entire weekend together....i started feeling sick the middle of last week, but my cousin was coming into town...so we decided to have a double "date" on Friday night...

didn't really turn out that way, me and me love got into it...pretty badly too...so the Friday night out was can we say cancelled...

HOWEVER, we went back and forth and were able to work through it...arguing can be brutal, but can either pull you further apart, or it can bring you closer together...it basically takes two parties willing to STOP and listen to one another's point of view...a lot of times when you are upset the ONLY point of view you see or hear is YOUR point of view...but if you really care about someone you are willing to communicate and really LISTEN to what they have to say...and IF you openly and do that, you may just find yourself a step further along than when you started

he and i are both strong willed persons, but we are learning to listen and communicate, and because of that we were able to spend the day on Saturday shopping in Baltimore, the flea marker, Towson, and Security...ended at PG Plaza and eating some Uno's...we had a good time...like friends it was a good feeling to have a spend time with me love, me friend...

makes me think of all of the new music that has come out this summer...its my other friend, my other love -music just does something totally for me...it can make my mood. it connects with my soul and there have been several albums this summer that have connected with me and made me believe in music again...
Common's Finding Forever
Talib's new one
Ye's Graduation is some of his finest work, and whatever you have to say about his spoiled ways, he can at least laugh at himself...and if you don't believe in yourself than who will
and Jill's new one is WHAT, that bidness!!!! she does it again, and if you don't already have it, its a MUST buy...
i bought Keisha Cole's CD but can't get into it just yet you know...

but either way, its been a summer of good music, felt like every week i was updating my "in rotation" segment on the blog because i would be rocking NOTHING but that CD until something else came out and as soon as it did, there i go, replacing it and then NOTHING but that new CD would rock in the player....honestly if i had it like that i would buy two of everything 1 for the truck and 1 for the house...

did you all see those shoes below, i love them! hopefully i'll get them ordered soon...

today is my mommy's birthday, her is 58 whole years YOUNG...she wouldn't mind me telling you because she has never been one of those ladies that doesn't tell her age, she doesn't look 58 to say the least...clear beautiful skin...beautiful smile, bright eyes...my mom is a beautiful woman inside and out and i loved her with everything that i am...i have said this before, but if i am half the woman she is i am already there...she is my inspiration...totally love her and my daddy...we didn't do much but eat some catfish and laugh and joke for a while...i took her gift (she wasn't expecting it since i am broke...) but she liked it and her card...her and my daddy leave tomorrow for Alabama for a week, so you know that'll be rough...but they will be back, for now at least...

me loves birthday is this Friday...its hard trying to figure out what to do for him...already got his one gift...he wanted the 8s (Jordan's) and so i got them, i guess that's a big deal he was really happy...now what to do...i'll do something simple and sentimental...but not to mussy, he is a guy...

Why did I get married? comes out on his birthday too...maybe we'll check that out, but there is an exhibit that he has been wanting to see, and its over on the 14th so maybe i'll take him there...ehhhh well i'll figure it out...

ever wonder why the people you are around you pick up on there stuff...sayings/phrases...like HELLO-totally KC circa 2006....geezy peezy-me love...heifa-my momma...the list goes on and on...HA! but they take stuff from me too...

there has been a lot of relationship stuff going on lately too...just all around...sometimes it gets overwhelming...but i remain hopeful that all will find those that are involved...now more than ever i understand the importance of doing things in "order" by order i mean the way that the Almighty has set things up for us...you know what i am saying...so many times we are quick to jump into relationships, to bed, and living with each other, and in doing that you are giving a piece of yourself...a piece of your story that you basically "rob" your future husband/wife from having because you have already shared those things with someone else, leaving the ONE feeling like they have been cheated in some way shape or form...that's why its important to take your time and do things in "order" and officially so that you can share those special things with the ONE that is to be your partner...and yea i know sometimes those partnerships don't always last, BUT if you do it in "order" its more likely to last, my opinion anyway

did i say i love learning? its time to go back to school people, i really think its time...time to really get project management certificate...real talk...

oh, i wanna move...tired of this here apartment, lease up in March...time to move on and to other stuff...

ok, this is long enough...if you read it, you must really wanna know what's been up with me...and for that i thank you

Monday, October 01, 2007

Shopping-Asian style

now isn't that HOT...well even if you don't think so, I love it...
its the new sneaker that's coming out its called the Visvim Logan JP

its a Japanese shoe and its not out yet, but when it comes out it will be offered in blue, black, and white...

MIND YOU i can't even find the price or ordering information for this shoe....

I love shoes, as a matter a fact I love shoes of all kinds so much so that even my honey told me that its getting out of hand...he normally says NOTHING with regard to my clothes or shoes because he has just as much, but it is getting a little out there...I have no more room for anymore anything, but yet I still keep buying...I just bought some Nike boots this weekend, but I couldn't leave them, $80.00 boots for a mere $22.03!! Pure FIRE, and i won't see them in PG because I got them in B-da-more...and I hadn't seen them anywhere else...

anyways back on topic

I NEED to go to Japan to shop....

I have been feeling a lot of Japanese fashion for years, but a lot of times it gets main streamed and then start to NOT like it...but for the most part the fashion scene there is cutting edge and very much so ME...

so I need to fly far far away and do what I love to do best and that's eat good food, take in a different culture and most of all SHOP...

literally I am about to research a trip to Japan...it may take me a few years and I need to go to Africa FIRST but still I am going...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

no one...

i awake this morning to your voice
then i get a text
then another that just completely blows me away...

it hasn't always been easy, we have bumped heads, we have had "mis communications & misunderstandings..." but we kept right on keeping on...and i am grateful that i followed my instincts and my heart about you...

and even IF things don't work out, because "forever isn't always" i know that i learned and grew from knowing and loving you...
vid now working


clearly i am feeling this song and video for many reasons right now

Friday, September 21, 2007

Storm....luv it

Thursday, September 20, 2007

work, love, growth...you know LIFE

so I am finally done with the Training of Trainers part 2 that took place from Monday to Wednesday in Zion, IL...

let me tell you, this place was RIGHT Lake Michigan and I had a view from my room of the lake (which from what i saw, looked like the ocean) and that was my saving grace...i actually walked on the beach and participated in a "barn fire" (CLEARLY I don't know if that's the correct term-but you know those fires on the beach) with my co-workers, this was of course AFTER I dipped off to have dinner with my aunt and uncle who live about 20 minutes from the resort...

that sometimes, as much as you plan and plan, some thing can and will go wrong, but how YOU handle it, will determine how everyone else VIEWS it...

i learned a lot about myself, like i can honestly handle a lot of stress, that some folks will love you and others ehhh not so much

but that its OK...as long as you respect me we can get along...when you don't, I'll won't get angry

I may vent, but its not in me to judge or even let that type of thing get to me...I am clearly aware of the fact that i am a glorious work in progress, and i can only control my thoughts, my actions and reactions...so its up to me to just do what i know in my heart and spirit tell me to do and that is live in love

love-sometimes the very thing that you want to work out, doesn't work out how you THINK it is going to, and a lot of times you have others around saying things, but you have to follow your own heart and you pray and you meditate and you watch, listen and see...the person may surprise you and say to you "you have surprised me...i appreciate you...i love you" OR when you least expect it you get a hella funny voice mail or you are made to smile because they can "hear it in your voice...you need me to make you laugh and smile"
its a beautiful thing fo sho...

growing as a person, continuing to come into her own is a definite experience...its a blessing though...i learned something about myself, JUST today as a matter a fact, I don't hold grudges...a year or so ago i was in a miserable position, HATING to go to work everyday, everyday...it was horrible...and it was because the EA made it that way...when i resigned i let the VP know that...

well today she reached out to me on IM, and apologized...i informed her that no apology was necessary that GOD moves in peoples lives for various reasons that i was where HE wanted me to be and that i was growing, happy and good...

and right there was a lesson...she learned something but as did i...and knowing what a REAL working nightmare is really like, leaving work crying and stressed, i can deal with "logistical nightmares" i can deal with slight attitudes...

i guess what i am trying to say is Life isn't always easy, but its good...you just have to take the time to keep smiling and keep trying...so there...
So i'll leave you with this

Harmony
Harmony does not mean that everyone is in agreement. It means that no one is attempting to force his or her opinions on others.

Harmony does not mean that everyone is the same. It means that everyone respects and tolerates and even celebrates the differences that give so much richness to life.

Harmony is not ever achieved by brute force. Harmony is reached when every individual understands, on his or her own terms, that it is by far the most effective way to live.

Harmony does not come about through intimidation or scolding or threats of punishment.

Harmony is reached through understanding.

Harmony cannot exist where people are interested only in what they can take. Harmony is built through giving.

Harmony comes not by giving in or by being weak or by surrendering one's most treasured principles, or by the cowardly attempt to control others. Harmony is the domain of those who are confident enough in their own lives to allow others to peacefully flourish.
-- Ralph Marston

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

...its still very much alive

so racism is still very much so alive...

Today as i listen to the radio and hear about the noose that was placed in a tree between the multicultural center and another building on College Park's campus

or i read about a couple torturing a young black women by a racist white couple-i mean mentally and physically abusing her, raping her making her drink from the toilet and eat dog/rat feces more information here

as i sit back and listen to a lecture on health disparities in vulnerable populations, with not ner members of said population on the panel...

and we must not forget the young men of Jena Six

as i sit and have all these things come to me and i think, man racism is still very much so alive...its actually saddens me quit a bit...a lot of us are products of our environments, and what we were raised in or as, but at what point do we begin to take responsibility for our actions...

hanging nooses, torturing innocent people, when will this madness stop!!
I mean do i really want to have my kids raised amongst all of this madness, I mean i know that i will teach them that they are strong African American people apart of a much larger human race and a much larger race of GOD's people...you know...

i don't know people, talk to me, what can we do as a people??? what can we do??? outside of the education and economic development, exercising our right to vote and democracy what can we do???

Monday, September 10, 2007

fro

if you have been following my blog you KNOW how i am about my hair...
so for me to take the step and just let my hair do its thing is HUGE...

but i am officially rocking my fro...
i totally look like my profile pic...actually i think my hair is a little bit more all over the place...

how about Saturday i got up washed my hair and was like, "bump it, imma rock a fro" and i have been ever since...
like totally just walking around with an Angela Davis Afro....

big earrings and all...just doing me...you know...it is what it is...

I'll update with pics soon...(i can't get a picture that doesn't make it look all crazy) because it does in fact look crazy...

but its so light...like nothing on the top of my head...

bump a process, this is freeing for ME! I'll never knock what someone needs to do, or what i may have to do in the future but RIGHT NOW this works for me, all i need is my eyebrows done and
we are in bidness...
UPDATE:

here i am on saturday....not really pulled out or anything...just there...and i wore it just like that, looking hella crazyme at work today, looking just as crazy...its just doing its thing...

Friday, September 07, 2007

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

i try...

you ever feel like your best is never good enough, like no matter how hard you try you will have someone just looking at you and thinking that you have another motive, like you just want something...because despite what has happened you still remain the same person...

sometimes people don't know how to react to losses, but a lot of people don't know how to accept love, and that's the really sad thing, when some just thinks that you know what i have done this or that, how are you still here, why are you still here?

that's the hardest things in life, is when you are constantly trying and it feels like your efforts are in vain, it makes you want to just say "f" it and just do what you want to do...hell giving up is the easy thing...its what is the easiest thing to do you know, just give up and say forget it...to say you know what you have hurt me, i don't care if you were hurt, you lost someone, you hurt me...but when you take the higher road, and say you know, i forgive you, i am here for you...you are up to something...

i think what it is, is that most times people feel like they don't "deserve" forgiveness, and because they have their own stuff or issues they tend to try to hold you back...you know put their stuff on you and you haven't even done anything but be a friend....i don't hold grudges, i don't hold things against people...for me if you apologize and sincerely mean it, then who am i to hold it against especially if you mean your apology...

now i am NO fool, you aren't going to dog me out and i keep forgiving you and dealing with you...i'll forgive and say i'll holla back...let it be done...

but you know when you love someone you stand by that person, remain understanding and steadfast through it all you know...

but its but so much that one person can take when they are putting themselves out there and continue to be rejected...to be pushed away, eventually you are going to push back or walk away...

i try, but i can't lose myself trying to hold you up, i can't lose me, helping you...i can't take the rejection over and over again...dealing with a loss doesn't give you the right to be mean, be nasty...

but i'll hold on to myself, my beliefs, how i view life, working hard doing what i know is right, because in my mind the apple taste better after climbing the tree, because i worked for it...

but that's just me



life is still and will remain a beautiful struggle because i am UNBREAKABLE, by GOD I am UNBREAKABLE