Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Everyone Can't Be in Your Front Row.

Life is a theater - invite your audience carefully.
Not everyone is healthyenough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in yourlife that need to be loved from a distance.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining,negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhererelationships/friendships/fellowships!

Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention to:
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciateyou and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God,the more you seek quality.
The more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God, the more youseek things honorable.
The more you seek growth, peace of mind, love andtruth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets tosit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
You cannot change the people around you... but you can change the people you are around.

Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the peoplewho sit in the front row of your life.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

the power of prayer

not to often do i take the time to speak on spirituality directly but today i just want to take the time and say that there is

so as you all have seen or not i have been extremely overwhelmed and cranky lately

my heart was heavy and it was becoming hard

not that i wanted it to be that way but that's just what i was feeling

i kept reaching out only to receive nothing in return and it was difficult to me to just deal with all my STUFF

you know we all have it

and as soon as we think we have gotten ride of it here it comes again...more STUFF

so sunday i went to church then had brunch with my cousin

both events hadn't been done in a while so spending one on one time with GOD was a necessary and so was hashing out issues with my couso

anyways after that i went to the book store a new BIBLE i wanted and i wanted a book to help me

so i got the book "the power of the praying woman"

i went home and got to reading

and have since starting reading a chapter a night

NO things aren't perfect actually they are pretty much the same

MY ATTITUDE is totally different

that's what the difference is

when i pray and i focus on what GOD really is doing in my life instead of constantly complaining and focusing on the negatives i am genuinely a MUCH happier person...

Extremely happy dispite the fact that my check engine light came on in my truck i had to get a rental car the repairs are over $500 and my dad is sick...oh and i am catching a cold

I am honestly happy i have no real reason NOT to be

things could always be so much worse than what they are and the things we deal with in life we either deal with them or we don't we let them overwhelm us or we keep pushing forward...and how we push forward is up to us...

"Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out!" John Wooten

so this isn't to say that i won't have moments times or issues every again but now more than ever i realize that i miss the woman i had become and i know that the source of that woman his GOD and my route to him is constant prayer...

with prayer brings peace

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


having one of those days that's turned into one of those weeks that has turned into one of those months for months on end....

now the check engine light is on and i must leave the truck overnight so what do i do for a car for the next couple of days....

solo dolo once again and it sucks majorly
thought i was done with that part of my life, oh well back to 0 and i do mean 0 i am tired so i am done for a while

but when you're 29 never been married and have no kids


i can't do it all i can't be it all and i am tired

Monday, October 12, 2009


ever feel like you are just fighting.
everyday you get up and you are figthing something
a job
a spouse

that's how i am feeling but i am fighting for ME
remember how hard i had to fight for peace for joy for me around this time last year. well i am back at it again...

with all that has happened to me i have found myself yet again fighting for me fighting for peace

yet again the day to day ends and outs overwhelmed me and instead of focusing on my core i became bitter angry confused snappy

and that's ok sometimes
but daily i was fighting just to get through the day

i went to chruch yesterday it was the first time in a month of sundays
its been a mighty long time
and the main thing was
"don't be a public success and a private failure"
that's how i feel i am doing ok in school not the best but not the worse but i know i'll make it
but privately i am struggling ever single day to remain sane...

so many relationships have been damaged or hurt by all that i have had to do these past few months they are slowly healing and eventually with prayer and work be fine
but some will never be the same some will never fully realize

my main prayer is that i will progress and be better than i was before all of this...

my aunt told me last night its no wonder that i am all over the place i have dealt with major life changes that most people deal with once a year maybe but i have dealt with all at one time back to back to back...
my parents leaving
a new job
with weddings baby showers and everything in between

i feel like i am losing my mind i am just struggling

i bought this book the power of a praying woman i can relate to everything the book is saying so its definitely helpful...

one of my girls told me at the beginning of my 10 weeks i would learn alot abot myself and the relationships in my life and dag on it if she wasn't right

i have learned a lot and will continue to learn a lot about me at least i know what was missing my core and i will be ok in time i'll be ok

Saturday, October 03, 2009

just hard

i don't know if i am cut out for this
i don't know if i can keep pressing forward
i keep feeling like ii am losing everyone around me that's close to me
not physically
but emotionally
the connections are not there anymore
i know that nothing in life that's worth having is easy but does it have to be this hard
its so just deafening...
i just want to be happy and full
every step i tend to take forward i seem to be taking back like 10
as soon as i feel like things are going to go well the next thing i know i get smacked in the face
do well on my oral imprutu get slammed the next day via the Socratic method in legal class
i have already been crying this morning on and off for the last hour or so...Ive cried so much and been so up and down over the past what 5 months its not even funny
all these changes all these life adjustments its sometimes too overwhelming for words
i just need to pray and pray and pray
man its times like these that i miss my parents the most and i wish that they were here with me
its a beautiful day outside and all i want to do is sit in my room in the dark
i guess its just one of those times in my life but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right
i sure hope so