Thursday, May 20, 2010

find your love...

"i'm more than just an option...refuse to be forgotten...i took a chance with my heart...
i'm more than just a #, i doubt you'll find another...
too many times i've been wrong, i guess being right, takes too long..."

you better tell it boy...

dude i feel this song its on repeat right now...

not only is the beat on point, but the lyrics speak to me right now...

there are a so many WELL DESERVING people around me finding the love that they deserve, getting married, getting engaged...and it makes me happy for them because like i said they deserve the real love they are having...

HOWEVER in my own little bubble that is...

i come home every night and its empty
my stats are impressive:
home owner
BA & MPA
own my own ride
has a career
volunteers
loves her peoples
definitely a spiritual being

i tend not to brag i just do me...i don't really talk about all those things to much

maybe because i am not a size 6 maybe that has something to do with it, or maybe its like it was in the movie just wright

even my cousin said that it was my story...always the home girl, never the "girl" or if i am the girl it doesn't last too long...

or maybe i am a little too independent?
or maybe i am too much like my daddy? I know my attitude when pushed can be a bit much

i even have to remind him that i am a girl....but growing up with all brothers i must admit that i can be a "boy with boobs" in certain ways and then WAY to girlie in other ways...

what's the balance? when will i find the balance of being ok with being me, sweet yet strong, flexible yet steadfast, giving yet able to receive, loving yet not a push over....

its all about the balance and i am learning it, i guess as time continues and i continue to grow i'll learn it more and more and i'll be alright with who i am...

i don't think i'll be there before 30 but i just hope that wherever i am i am ok with me...

one minute you're ok with being single (and i still am) and the next you just want to give all your love to someone else...

i would love to give all my love to someone...but in the meantime i am going to continue to love myself and i'll just continue down the path that i am on and keep having the faith that in time it'll all be alright

the reality is that in the GRAND scheme of things, my life is pretty good...

i just have to continue to get adjusted to all the major changes that have taken place in my life and i have to be ok with those things, i've had almost a whole year to adjust to my parents being gone from the area, i have had 7 months of being single, 6 months on my in my new career, the house is slowly but surely coming together...

i just have to keep focusing on those things that are really good and honestly when i look at it all, its really more good, WAY more good then that one little part of my life (no relationship) other than that life is good and its peaceful...

i do have PEACE

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