i found my smile again....

you can find a smile again....i found my smile again....YOU can find a smile again...

and i KNOW its because i can finally put my finger on what is wrong with me...

drum roll please

I MISS MY PARENTS!

see when they left last year on june 18th...i was in a relationship i was leaving that next week for Florida and then when i came back i was moving...i moved i had my birthday i flew to see them i had a wedding and then i left for training i left training went straight to work then it was the holidays (that was rough) but then i was concentrating on buying the house...

and then nothing...

so the initial shock of them leaving didn't really set in until what like 9/10 months later...

it wasn't until jac asked me the other day a series of questions that i hit me that i missed them as much as i really do

see my family is LOUD and CRAZY...we curse we yell we argue we are all over the place but no matter what and i do mean no matter WHAT...

we love each other we support each other we are honest but we don't judge each other we are like truly LOVING of and on each other and accept each other for who they are...

my parents love me for me...flaws and all and support me unlike any other people on this planet, and I miss that!

i have had some VERY major events happen in my life a career move, home ownership, just stuff that is hard enough to handle on your own and i have had to do that and i guess i just finally stopped running long enough to feel that emptiness

and THAT was what was bothering me...

and its not like they are coming here any time soon, they won't be up here until the end of July and with me being so sick (clearly because i was sick and my body was feeling the pain of them being gone before i mentally processed it) i don't want to take any leave so i'll only be going to Houston to see my tootsie pop for memorial day...and then after that its saving leave for my trip to Ghana in December

but dudes and dudettes i feel so much better because at least i now know what it is and i can face that loneliness i feel and move forward

i think the NOT knowing what it was, was worse than knowing...

MOVING FORWARD SMILING

ps i got me "she she" back (that's my MacBook's name) her uncle MJ hooked her up!