you ever...rAdomneSS (VIII)

just feel like you are all alone in the world

you know that you aren't but you just feel like you are...

i had a mini breakdown this morning...so many things are just all over the place for me right now, so many things that i don't get, don't understand, can't understand

i keep trying to tell myself that everything is in GOD's hands and even the things i don't understand now are for MY best interest...but sometimes i just get tired

i get tired of always being there for people or having my services volunteered to do stuff for other people, people i don't even deal with on a regular basis, but my name gets through out there, and then they don't even appreciate it...

nothing ever seems to work out how we expect i think...you go into certain things looking at it one way, and then things turn out a total opposite

i didn't imagine that i would be in the place i am right now, mind you i AM in a GOOD place in many aspects, BUT i just figured things would be different for me...seems to me like good folks have just been constantly tested this year...i guess that's why you make goals and not plans

but every time i get discouraged i feel better for one reason or another...things are looking up at work, got some outlining things that will allow me to grow professionally and allow me to gain some skill sets that are based on personal abilities i already have, my tutoring student wants to start back up, and i still have to finish my evaluation from my summer program M&M, so i'll be able to put some money up and some aside for birthday's and the holidays...hopefully with more responsibility at work that will mean more money, but we'll see...

i hate being sick, especially something that is viral and there is NOTHING that you can do about it, but let it run its way out...i have been sick for the past 2-3 weeks and i am tired of it...resting for the past what 5 days or so has been good for my body, but my mind is still running like crazy and that's not really a good thing you know...

my father always said, "an ideal mind is the devil's playground" and he ain't never lied...when my mind gets to running its running and its been running...hence this feeling of blah...i try to be a very upbeat person, but hell i can't take all of these jabs and it not eventually get to me...

its like that feeling you take one step forward ONLY to have to take two steps back...you know...so many many things...


i just need to vent...thanks for listening