rAndomneSS (X)

you know you go through life and you have to really stop yourself and always say that things could a lot worse

tuesday of last week i was totally frustrated, my mother was complaining, i was feeling discouraged at work (you know how when you go through those moments of, ok what am i doing all of this for, when people are constantly saying "i did" never acknowledging you OR when people just take you for granted), just feeling overwhelmed...

i vented to me love, he really didn't have much to say...he tried to make me laugh by joking, but that's not always going to work, take my feelings seriously you know...that of course frustrated me too...

i went to meet up with my line sister and saw her new baby last Wednesday night, i stayed only for a moment because i had a terrible migraine you know...my little cousin had her first live performance but i didn't make it...i heard it was awesome and i saw the pictures so you know...that's what's up

i keep having headaches...it might be the headbands or it might not...

i need to get an allergy shot today and then again on Friday since i leave for Cali on Saturday morning...seems like Friday will be doctor day (or morning rather-because i gotta come to work)

i need to get away, i feel like i am about to scream so the break away from everything and everyone on the east coast is right on time...don't get me wrong i love my family and friends, but i am looking forward to the trip, hell i am even looking forward to the flights to and from, you know why because i will be unreachable, so i'll take a good book or two and just read or sleep or just sit and do nothing...

i will make my mind shot the hell up and do nothing!

JAC will host my stay on Saturday and Sunday and for that i am totally grateful, she is a very laid back type of sistah...so i know it'll be a low-key weekend which is just what i need right now...just to lay low, sit back and relax that's what i need right now in my life...to just get away...and i have never been to the west coast...the furthest out i have gone is Vegas...and that was for work, well this is for work too, but at least i am going out a day earlier...i wonder how all of these wild fires will play out...

its supposed to rain here for the next couple of days and i am looking forward to that too...maybe i'll get some much needed rest...i haven't been resting the last couple of nights my mind keeps running in circles...and the rain seems to calm me...rain is so peaceful...i'll turn everything off in my house and just sit in the dark and just listen...i feel closer to Jehovah during those times...and that's always a good thing

me love says i think too much, put to much brain power into certain things...so imma take his advice and stop...we had a very interesting conversation on saturday and he made an effort to communicate with me...i appreciate that more than i think he knows sometimes...communication is very key you know...and when you don't have it a lot of hell can break loose for no reason at all you know, just a lot of unnecessary stuff happens when people don't communicate...

how about i love him a lot, but right now, i am not liking him...i know i know a total contradiction to what i just said, but i don't...maybe in a couple hours or a moment or whatever i will like him...just as much as he does he doesn't do...awwww the question, when is your best not good enough OR when is it that i "believe" or "feel" that you aren't doing your best...because i have seen it...i know every relationship goes them peeks and valley's but cot dag it...you are getting on my nerves...and so now i must resort to acting like you...i hate doing that...the whole imma act like you act so that you can see how it feels thing...seems like a game you know...but hell i need my sanity too...so let the games begin...being busy is one thing not making an effort is another...bump this corporate girlfriend crap...and like my momma always taught me if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all...so when i say NOTHING...you will know why...

still broke, what else is new...

had a rap session with the Kiamsha youth last night about Kiamsha, their role and what it is that they want out of life...they wrote out their mission statements...it was pretty awesome to hear some of them...some where off the hook like "my mission is to stay fresh..." but some where on point...one stated "to not become a statistic and graduate from high school" a lot of deeper stuff going on with that statement...my personal mission for the Kiamsha year is to "impact every student but planting at least a seed of knowledge" my point being that a lot of times you can touch people in different ways, so if i can touch every student where it counts for them individually that will be awesome...the rap session was on friendships-relationships-aw yes SEX...they seem to be "keeping it real" these days so i kept it real with them and did an STD slide show...and i told them that they ALL HAD TO LOOK...its important to give young people all the facts, that their bodies are built to go crazy around the opposite sex, but its up to them to think and control themselves and not allow themselves to placed in a compromising situation...because a simple kiss can lead to sex...and sex with the wrong person can be life changing...i think that they get that...

that leads me to my next point...people aren't talking anymore to young people, but young people are listening to the elders either...such a disconnect...but i'll do another post in and of itself on that topic it deserves a stand alone....

so the new Common video is one 106 & Park tonight, but its already the Jam of the Week on comcast (see why i can't do away with comcast) i watched it last night...and i likes i likes..

so "Why did I get Married?" over the weekend with my mom...she says i am like Angela, but that i was really like Sheila when me and O broke up...i think i can agree with that...i was at first taken aback by the whole Angela comment...and although i am not THAT off the HOOK...i do pretty much say what's on my mind, and i am a totally loyal friend...so maybe out of the 4 she does fit me more so than anyone else...

holla at me in the comments and have a good week people