I took such a beating from the brotha's on my "jones for Jim Jones" post (directly below) that I felt compelled to give some calrity to my "reality" or true feelings about men....the brotha's.......as I see them...
~THESE BEAUTIFUL BROTHERS ARE MY REALITY~
Now, I do NOT have an ideal black man (IBM) list or even a type...
I have a few givens, things that I think are important, but I don't have a list, I feel like lists put you into a position NOT allowing yourself room to breathe it just puts you in a box...and that BOX/tightly packaged MAN may never come your way...
But here are a few givens...
***believe in Jehovah God and his son Christ...and HAS a personal relationship with them, through studying and cultivating that relationship at least working on it...if nothing else
***respectful
***HONEST (I don't like liars)
***Has a strong bond with his family...respects the importance of family
***Has goals, wants something out of life...(I don't care if you drive a bus or work in corporate America...just have some goals)
***Someone who believe in the sanctity of MARRIAGE...wants to be MARRIED
***Faithful (can't just assume that folks believe in monogamy)
***Can hold a conversation about any and everything from current politics, black weath, religion, music, to just joking around
***Understands the importance of giving back or at least respects my role in the community...has consensousness about the events of the day, and what is going on in OUR community...and wants to do something about it, even if its just being the BEST man he can be and raising his family right...
You know just someone who is...
Open to experience new things: such as new places, food, music...someone who will go to a Gnarls Barkley or The Gorillas OR see Maze or Prince or Jay-Z...or go down to U Street and listen to some Jazz...
AND
Rocks more than just a white tee and Timbs/Nike Boots/Air Force Ones every where we go...have some flavor....
But more importantly I just want someone who is INTO me...I mean really into me, from the way he looks into my eyes, to the way he rubs my cheek, the way he holds my hand...just is a MAN NOT a male (and YES brothas I know that requires me to be a WOMAN and NOT a female..I am willing to do my part as long as he is willing to do his)...
So although I do have a "jones" for Jim Jones...that's NOT my reality...my reality is a God fearing/spiritual (not just religious, because you can go to church EVERY Sunday and NOT know a THANG about GOD or have a relationship with him) clean-cut/eclectic, upright, honest, loving, intelligent, strong, faithful brother...NOW THAT'S SEXY....
A brotha that's in it to win it...me and him against the world...doing it the RIGHT way...
That's my reality....
17 comments:
@brilld-Thanks for the vote of confidence! Naw, I don't like his music..."ballin'"...
You interviewed Common...now that is MY DREAM man right there...like the ONE person if I could meet and marry I would!
Like Bonnie and Clyde :)
I can't wait to see Common in Smokin Aces!
I'm feeling you on Common- funny how his name is very ironic to me..
I wish his attributes were more common...
the qualities you mentioned are wonderful and you should be proud of yourself for knowing what you want and hoping to achieve it; unlike those who say what they want yet settle. also, you including yourself on your role, shows insight and maturitu. i hope you one day find your man.
Yeah Jimmy can get it in the worse way although I dont think it would be earth shattering. Thats all i want is for a man to want me and only me and do you know how hard that is.....
@honey-yea us against the world...but on some old positive, just trying to make and doing it the "right way" type of stuff...
@awotm-Welcome back honey!!!!! Its good to hear from you....yeah it is totally ironic that what he is, is far from Common
@blu-I think we should all have an idea of what it is that we want...and not settle for it...feel folks out and just sit back and watch and see, and NOT be afraid to walk away if need be...thanks for the props...but I just feel like if Imma have all these "givens" and wants...then I have GOTS to have my own stuff together!
@negropino-I think that's all we could ask for is a person that is just honestly into just US!
Now, I must say this...all the fellas was so QUICK to have something to say on the "jones" post...but NOTHING has been said about this...now, Imma give it a minute because I know Friday was a holiday...but where is the comments now????
Okay this was much better than the Jim Jones joint but honestly you could have left off the part about the artists and just wrote what you want in a man and assure me that you plan to give the same in return and I was good. I don't need an icon to exemplify what you want cause when it really comes down to it we don't know any of these dudes. They all could be frontin'. But you really did do a good job in redeeming yourself off that last one...LOL.
Oh and just for the record Common's name was Common Sense (which makes a lot more sense as far as his image) but he had to change it Common because of legal issues so he isn't really calling himself a "common" brother...LOL.
@Dane- the pictures were to prove a point in terms of style, attitude, and things that people do...a reference so to speak...no one complains about the "this would be my baby mama posts..." LOL
I know that orginally his name was Common Sense...I think the point that AWOTM was making...hearing this dude in interviews, music, whatever...you just get a sense of his personality..and his personality traits aren't Common...that was the point...
I can't win for losing...but its cool though...
I'm sorry I didn't mean to make is sound like I was still coming down on you. I apologize for that...for real. You know it's all luv sweetheart!!!!
@dane-of course its still all luv....
Damn...I'm STILL no there...not Jim Jones enough and I'm UnCommon LOL
Good post, way to clarify :)
Love this blog.
e.
eclectik-relaxation.com
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@e-you are so crazy...well I think being UnCommon could be a good thing, if your UnCommon qualities are GOOD and positive qualities...if your UnCommon qualities are the "common" qualities that a lot of men out here HAVE then yea...that may be something you look into...LOL...just be the BEST you, that you can be...that's all any of us can be!
"my reality is a God fearing/spiritual, clean-cut/eclectic, upright, honest, loving, intelligent, strong, faithful brother...NOW THAT'S SEXY...."
Speak...
HELLLLOOOOO!
Okay, that's better. I'll go ahead and put the liquor back in the bottle that I poured out before... lol.
LOL My first reaction reading the last entry was to say something too! I'm learning. . . :-D I'm learning not to jump to conclusions and take things as a whole. . . gradually. Thanks for the lesson!
I don't want it is that kind of bites at me when a good sistah says she wants that image. I think it's the thought of "The image is what she wants, but the guys without it are going to be the ones she needs." Again, I know it's not all about the image for you, it's just knowing so many women that it is all about the image for kind of gets you on the defensive. I wonder if it's the same charge that goes through a good black woman's mind when she sees a good brother with a white woman or a black women that has more of that video girl image?
Peace,
Kep.
@gmo-*smiling* weewww thank goodness you was able to slurp that back up and put in the bottle...LOL...
@kep-I was wondering where your comment was...thanks for sitting back and waiting and seeing what was said...that is growth...we are all growing...like I have said like the broken record now, "its just a jones" not a reality...LOL
"The image is what she wants, but the guys without it are going to be the ones she needs."
I think that the images on this post have been taken OVER the words...(and you aren't the only one...)
I say specifically...
"my reality is a God fearing/spiritual, clean-cut/eclectic, upright, honest, loving, intelligent, strong, faithful brother...NOW THAT'S SEXY...."
I think that we all have a style or an image of what we "like" or "want" and you are right it may not be what we need...but the brtoher that looks like Common or dresses like Common may not approach and the brother that looks like Urkel (just to take it to the other side of the spectum and to give everyone a visual) may not approach me either for various reasons...there have been plenty of times I have seen a "regular" dude or "non-fashionalbe" dude that has caught my eye...and he says NOTHING to me...
I think that woman do or CAN become defensive we when see such things...but I don't know what that woman is doing for him...that may be his match who am I to judge him based on that...she may just be a small framed woman...
for example, the majority of my girlfriends are small and have nice shapes...are VERY fashionable and are attractive young professional women...at ANY given time if they are on someone's arm they may look like a "video girl" by shape and size and style (the ones that wear clothes and look like they have sense...like the young lady that is the "friend" in Pharaell's "that girl" video...not a video whore) if that makes since to anyone...
and I know that these young woman are young, intelligent, spiritual, beautiful inside and out and have a lot to offer a brother...
So for ME the image isn't the MOST important part...let's be real we are all visual creatures that's what is going to attract you to the person...but its what you say, who you are, how you act, that is going to keep and sustain my interest in you as your interest in me....
So don't get wrapped up in what my images are...these are brothers that I have seen in the public eye that have "caught my eye" (even Jim Jones...who by the way I sent the picture to Mama C and she was like "what's wrong with him he looks like a new yorker and I can see where you think he has a certain sex appeal") brothers say and put these things up all the time and we get it, as females we get it...that's just your preference or your ideal or something to go on...
It doesn't make me feel any less insecure about who i am or where I am...because somebody and I will mesh someday when its supposed to happen...
So read my words and understand what I am saying...and don't get so wrapped up in the images...if I DO get a good brother that has all the qualities that I have listed, AND he has style and looks like Common, is that a problem? It shouldn't be because his qualities are what matters most and what comes first...as should it be with a woman for you as a man....
I know you know all of this...just wanted to answer your question though...PEACE
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