Sunday, October 19, 2008

fog

have you ever been in a place in your life where you just feel like nothing makes complete sense? like you are fighting to figure it all out and truly get your feet on solid ground?
like you are going through your day to day life, constantly moving and shaking and moving and shaking...but that's just it...you are just doing...

everyday you get up you and you go and you go

but its not like its YOU...you are living this outer body experience...

that's how i feel right now...

like i don't know who i am...i don't know what makes me tick...

here i am 28 years old and i don't know who i am...

i do but i don't...again its like me putting my feet on solid ground...and I have to do that, like i totally have to get comfortable in MY OWN SKIN its just weird

i am not comfortable with myself right now, i have so many moves that i am trying to make at one time and there are so many things that are up in the air right now, that i am learning patience and i am learning to love myself flaws and all...and its just taking a lot of time and effort on my part, and time and effort that i haven't had this past month because i have been sick on and off...from a cold to an allergic reaction that ended me up in the hospital on Monday...so now i am tired because when your body breaks out in hives you can't sleep because your body just hurts...

man i want a piece of cake...(oh that was random)

so i am still eating better but i am NOT depriving myself....i am exercising and going to do it all natural way, you know not starving myself but just eating right and exercising...i have my weight goals but whats most important is that ME, myself gets alright with ME...and that i am healthy inside and out...

i can't even imagine me going through all of this and even thinking about dating...i don't even have enough time for myself, NONE for even for someone else...

its totally a GREAT thing that i know that though...like i know that i don't have that space or energy, i don't even have the time, space or energy for myself...

again does that make sense??? is there anyone out there in the world that can relate...maybe you can, maybe you can't...

i know i am totally all over the place i totally know...but i am fighting, fighting everyday to find the TRUE me...meaning the woman i have grown to be, and the woman that has grown or continues to grow from her experiences...so step by step i am going to make it...

yea i am about to have a "me" day...doing nothing but a couple of store runs and then i am totally going to chillax out...i may not even talk to anyone on the phone...i think i just need some quite for a while...

3 comments:

PreciousGem-Refinement in Progress said...

Uhmmm, I think you know that I feel you. I've been trying to be really honest with myself about some things, like what are my TRUE motivations? I'm hoping once I settle down, things will fall back into place...I'm glad you're feeling better and resting.

Tasha said...

I know what you mean. I'm struggling trying to come to terms with who I am and get comfortable being me. It's been a struggle, because I've spent so long trying to be what I thought the world wanted me to be that I have almost no idea who I really am. It's hard to listen to a voice I don't know (that inner voice). I'm happy with most things in my life, but it's still a struggle.

T.C. said...

Ladies thank you so much...at least i know i am NOT crazy...i had a wonderful talk with my sister-in-law last night and she told me "T, this is normal, if you don't get anything else out of this conversation understand that this is normal-its life...but ONLY YOU can pull yourself out of this...don't be weak"

so i mean its totally refreshing to know that others can dig this...that i am not alone, that helps more than you know