Wednesday, August 27, 2008

setting the standard

i had a really GREAT conversation last night with one of my sistahs...

she and i don't talk regularly like we used to a couple of years ago, but she and i have one of those relationships that when we DO talk, its like we never missed a beat, we pick right back up were we left off and we talk for at least an hour...

so last night, since we hadn't talked, i informed her of the recent breakup and all that had been going on and that i am really at a place that i know that settling is not an option and that a man, THE man for me is out there...

here is the thing, she was were i am about 2-3 years ago...and she was ROUGH on the brothas let me tell you, she had her standards, she had them set and she wasn't budging...she wasn't moving, she wasn't compromising who she was and what she wanted and needed...those that weren't up to the challenged folded, usually sooner than later, but this one guy, he STEPPED UP...

it took him over a year to even become her boyfriend...she stood firm in what she wanted, never bended...and i used to think to myself, DAG she is giving this dude a hard time...he was a good guy, but despite his "good" ways she was like okay 1 you gotta be a friend, and i mean a true blue friend 2 you gotta wait for me and 3 keep it real or keep it moving (that's just the top)...it didn't matter how "good" he was, he had to be the best...

...NOW they are planning their lives together, they are building and they are truly and truly HAPPY...like i could tell from just the sound of her voice how happy she is, and she said to me, "i tell him everyday how GREAT he is" and i said he reached that level because you were HER for him and he knew that he couldn't come at you just any old way...to which she replied..."yes, he told me straight up that I made him step up his game and go above and beyond what he even thought he was capable and had I not stood firm, he admitted that he would have treated me like any other woman..."

There it is ladies right there!
my loving mentor once told me:
a man will treat a woman however SHE allows him to treat her...if she makes him step up, if he really wants her he WILL step up...

and here is the thing, everything he IS, is even beyond anything she could have ever imagined...2-3 years ago she never thought she would be even thinking about marriage, they are planning, 2-3 years ago she wasn't even thinking about kids, now she is...so just like she got him to step up his game, brothas it goes both ways, in trun she has truly stepped up her game as well...

now ain't that something...that's really real, and my sistahs experience is proof...
like i said the ones that weren't about anything stepped aside, the one that was/IS about her STEPPED UP...

time to stop settling ladies (and men) set the standard and stick to it...

so many times we are so afraid of being alone or so wanting to be with someone that we settle, we ignore certain things overlook things because we believe in that person, or believe in their potential...well here is the thing, that person is who that person is...period point blank...and its really okay to step aside from someone when you realize that person isn't for you...

but the one that IS for you, will raise to the occasion as long as you stand firm in what you truly belive and hold true...and i can tell you when you do, true happiness really does await you...

11 comments:

Blu Jewel said...

that's really big right there and your girl is absolutely right for sticking to her convictions and not allowing dude to skate by. The fact that he's told her how much what she'd done means to him is awesome. I love hearing stories about good black relationships.

TC, your king is in route.

Love!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

That is so true
but i was taught to treat a woman like a queen even iof she dont act like one
i set my standards of behavior and the fool dont set mines

T.C. said...

@blu: me too! when i say i went to bed and woke up on cloud 9 for her...i mean i really did!

my KING will come when i least expect it, until then imma keep working on my queendom!

@all-mi-t: i can dig it, but here's the thing, you treat everyone with common respect and courtsey, but i am not going above and beyond, not just for anybody, for HIM yes, but not for everyone...not doing it, so the fakers will get weeded out quickly...but i am never going to sway in being the lady/woman my parents raised me to be, never that...

Ruthibelle said...

i read somewhere that things dont happen in your time but in Due time... thought that was so profound.

And no settling!! Ever. It's just not worth it.

PreciousGem-Refinement in Progress said...

Always that fear of being lonely..gets you everytime. But what I've learned, albeit the hard way, is that being lonely is not as bad as nursing a broken heart. Give me the lonliness and watch me turn it into solitude or heck even peace of mind...but what in the world can you do with a broken heart other than ride it out? Yeah, I think I'll pass on the settling thing too!

Monique said...

THat is so great. The story of your friend gives other women hope.

MysTery said...

Get it friend!!!!!!! Get it! That is what I am talking about!
They are truly blessed. :)

Thanks so much for sharing this T.C. I will remember this in my moments of weakness when I feel like I am being too strong. LOL.

Yeah man people will only treat you the way you allow them to.

This post may have sparked a poem...hmmm. lol

Have a great day girl.

Janiece said...

This is really good. You are so rght about standards, you gotta stick to them.
If you keep letting them down and pullin' them up off and down, your just being a tease and creating a chase and it goes no where in the end.

B-More BAP said...

You and J.A.C. are totally on my page right now. I'm loving the female empowerment spreading around here.....A sista has to know what she wants and demand that..or brother has to STEP!

jus butterfli said...

'nuff said!

where your girl was... that's my place. and i cannot be moved unless a brother is BRINGIN' his A+ game. cause that's what i'm offering. feel me? i've been told i'm being "harsh", "too demanding", "cold", "a bitch", and anything else you can list.

my answer: "I'M WORTH IT." simple as that.

i mean, why should a guy get filet mignon when all he's willing to serve up is a dry ass turkey burger? (LMAO)

peace! love!

T.C. said...

@jus: so am i! no time for the bs or playing around...its about the real or get really behind!

@bap-you gotta keep your head up we gon make it!

@janice: you gotta maintain your standards

@mystery: can't wait to read the poem

@monique: there is always hope! never lose that!

precious:definitely its that fear of being alone, but we can't let that do us in, because in the long run we are only setting ourselves up for misery

@ruth: that's it, in due time, or in HIS time!