wedding invoice

so still being on our wedding high

a thought just crossed my mind, well it briefly crossed my mind the night of, but it's crossed my mind again

should brides and grooms start invoicing people who don't attend the wedding but RSVP'd to do so?

let's break down a wedding cost shall we, just simply.

Say your wedding is $100 a plate/per person
and you have 10 people who RSVP that don't attend, that is $1000 that you are OUT of that you could've kept in your pocket, and yes in the grand scheme of things you have to know that everyone may not attend and some people have serious emergencies or illnesses or whatever

but i am talking about those people who don't show up because they didn't like their outfit or woke up that morning not in the best of moods so they just don't attend, what about those people?

We had about ummmmmm 12 or so people NOT show up to our wedding that had RSVP'd
We also had 3 people (2 adults and 1 child-it was an ADULT ONLY reception so that's another post for another time) who just showed up! So ok we'll take those because that takes the lose down

but you still have a loss of about $1000

out of the 9 or so left (after the balance of folks left) we know of 2 people that had an emergency, that's it

So that's 7 other folks that could give us our money back, right?

just a question

we won't be sending out invoices to people regarding them not attending the wedding
it can be seen in bad form and you can assume that folks have whatever reason for not attending and the reality is that them not coming or not do we really have a "right" to say "excuse me we didnt' get married at the fire hall, i need my money back" again can be seen in pretty bad form

but it's a thought
and i know based on recent debates, radio shows and other blogs i am not the only bride that's had it

we are fortunate that most people showed and in the larger scale its a small loss
but a loss none the same

what y'all think?

we are not your priority anymore...

those were the words that just came out of my daddy's mouth
and those word pierced me to my soul
it's been us for all of my life
it's been them
they were my priority and i was ALWAYS theirs (besides their other children, but this is about us, me and them)

if you were at our wedding on that day you would have seen it
you could feel how much my parents adore me and how much i adore them

but my daddy just told me
'we are no longer your priority, your family is your priority, your husband, your son, and you, we are secondary now'

wow!

you learn the leave and cleave principle when you are in pre-marital counseling and you know that's the reality but to hear your parent say that its like wow who told you that!
nope
not trying to hear it

but it's the truth

the conversation started because i realized i have seen my mom every month since august and they were just here for 2 weeks and it made me realize just how much i need them around not just for me but for our family and so i said well i don't think i will wait until july to see you all and he was like

'save your money, invest in your house, invest in your household, we aren't priority anymore...your life has changed and i am ok with that'

again WOOOW who said you can feel that way daddy!
who said that was an OK feeling

but again it's reality

it's a wonderful feeling knowing that he approves of my husband and he knows everything we've been through and he still believes he's the one for me and he/they adore lil D that's their grandson
totally in love with him

so it's a good thing

it's a good thing that he's the man making me understand that these two men are the most important men in my life now

that's why no matter what, he's the greatest man and will always be, despite our arguments, our every misunderstanding, my parents have been my greatest teachers and i have great joy knowing that they aren't done with me yet

they want us to have 42 years like they have and they want us to succeed

now WE are our first priority
US
easy in theory
work in progress

today...two weeks in

today marks two weeks in
SN: i wonder at what you stop counting

he's working a double and the lil him has been home with me for the last two days because we have both been sick so we have been home just hanging around

today i decided to take the time to finish up a few things that i needed to get done
i finally finished up my thank you notes from my bridal shower
i had done the initial thank you notes to my bridal party and those who were apart of the planning process
but i really wanted to finish up all of the notes and get them out before we send out wedding thank you notes

i have also been taking the time to reach out to the women of my life and just stay connected
sometimes we tend to get wrapped up in our own lives so i just wanted to say HEY to some of my girls and just let them know that they were thought about and loved

i have also been taking the time to catch up on reading blogs and getting some food for thought on life
rereading cards
reading positive blogs
reading some passages in the book the power of the prayer wife

just really feeding my soul with positive vibes and conversation and love

i think that's one of the best things you can do as a woman is fill your soul with things that give you peace because a peaceful home makes for a peaceful life

and who doesn't want peace

i like this feeling

i haven't had days of nothingness is a long time where i could just sit and be still and just hush
and i have got to say that today has been a good day of it!

run this town

that's what we did on our wedding day/night

we ran b-more

the married life

and i'll be honest it's better than any life i could have thought

it's fun
it's peaceful

i think what it is, or i know what it is, when you get married all of these expectations or issues that you have on your shoulders are gone
it's a secure feeling
safety for a woman
loyalty for a man

the day of
we were both so happy
people have actually commented on just house happy we BOTH were
we concluded most grooms must not be genuinely happy or maybe not as happy
we don't get it

he and i were both extremely happy
like things went "wrong" it wasn't perfect but it was!
it was such a day full of love
everyone that mattered and was there for the most part was there out of or because of LOVE
sure some folks came to strictly speculate but most people were there because they loved us and wanted to celebrate our love

my co worker said "it was the joy in your wedding that made the night, i've been to a lot of weddings, and what i admired the most was that it was two whole people, coming together making whole love, and it wasn't just about the bride it was about you all coming together as a family"

it was like wow
it was everything we could have wanted and more...it wasn't just about me or just about him
it was about us, my co-worker even commented on how the wedding was clearly a joint effort it didn't just look like it was about the bride but it was clearly a lot of him in the room as well...
and all i could think was, well we planned the wedding together

at the end of the day, as long as i had something to wear and he was at the end of the aisle, that's all that mattered
it was truly about the three of us becoming a family
all the other wonderful things were wonderful bonuses

if you've read this blog for a while now than you know that i have had many of an up and down and finding myself over the years and truth be told i don't think i'll ever stop finding myself or stop having my insecurities about things such as weight or whatever
but one thing is for sure i am happy with who i am as a total package as a person
i am ok with the heart that i have and who am is such a wonderful gift and i know that now

my cousin also said to me he would get married when he found someone like me, that they don't make women like me and my friends
and i have said that before, that we aren't the norm and its interesting that someone else says that to me
but it's the truth
all of the women that i surround myself with are NOT the normal, we are good women
and i mean good women not just average good women, but above average, special women!

another wonderful thing was that my father, my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle and have his first dance with me, two/three years ago that might not have happened, he was just that sick, so to have him laugh and joke and smile just warmed my heart!

i feel a sense of peace and joy that i can't describe being a wife and a mom
not saying i am complete because i was definitely complete
well maybe i wasn't complete maybe that's the thing
maybe just maybe in order to find peace sometimes you have to be willing to share your life with someone else
if you truly believe that life is about sharing it with others and loving others
marriage may be for you

i always knew i wanted to get married
however, at one point i was ok with NOT getting married and i got comfortable with it
but then the one person who loves me more than i love myself even when i don't know why comes back into my life and its not easy and won't always be easy
but it is worth it

sharing your life with someone is a great gift from the Almighty
it's all worth it

married

i am now a married woman
i am still processing
i was calm
i was sure
i was happy
i had a blast

we are still taking it all in

i am married

9 days to go and a lesson about life

yesterday marked 9 days to our wedding day
pretty darn exciting right
and it is

but on the 9th day i went to see an old friend and mentor LJ

she is the Executive Director of my previous job and she has always had a special place in my heart

I was in my mid twenties when i started working there and really going through a rough patch in life

we spent so much time together traveling all over the country we developed a bond
she's a mentor for me and i her lil tc

we normally got together once a year, but since last year i haven't been able to "make the time" to visit with her

i was soooooooooooo busy running back and forth to Philly and being engaged and all these things that it took me a year exactly to see her again

and all i could do was think about all the time that i had missed

see LJ has terminal cancer
lung and spin

she's pretty sick
so sick i had to help her last night as she was having a bad day

i have seen cancer
i have seen sickness and death
and with those closest to me

so that doesn't bother me
i watched her
held her
cleaned it up and threw it away

that was easy for me
i helped my other mentor and her good friend LB clean up her bedroom

what is hard for me
was that i have missed being there for her from day one

sometimes there aren't things you can say via email or text

she did finally tell me right before my shower via a phone call because she needed to see me and hug me before our wedding

so on the 9th day i made the time
and it was time well spent

it was peaceful for me
all the stress of people and their demands and what they want the day of or from you

and all she wanted to do was talk
and all i wanted to do was listen

she lives in the city and has always been one of my fav places to go

i sat there on the couch next to her and we just talked
LB and  i ate
she couldn't

it was a good evening
she said i made her day

my lesson was that life will continue to happen
but is it happening TO you
or are you HAPPENING TO LIFE

are we making the most of life?

i know that if she were to go tomorrow she's been all over the world
she's loved
she's lived
she's mentored
she's poured back into those in her life

i think she's getting tired
she's in a lot of pain
she has no husband to take care of her
no kids to come and stay with her
she does have plenty of friends
and she is full
not empty for sure
but still...
it makes me understand just how much of a blessing just sharing life with someone is

she's still coming to our wedding
i told her well get a room at the hotel so you can come to the ceremony and then go upstairs and rest and come back down

and no matter how much pain or discomfort she feels right now
she said she wouldn't miss it for the world

that's love
not luv
love

so i will make time to spend with her
to check on her
to give her hugs
with what little time we have left together

i enjoy her and i became who i am because of her

there are so many people who have influenced my life

made me the woman i am today

and i am definitely still a work in progress

8 days to go and i am still working to make sure i am centered and ready for this next phase

giving me life

...right now the blogs on my blog roll are giving me life this morning.
being at work by 6am takes a LOT out you
so it's cool to come in and read things that make you laugh, and think or get a little sad
it's just nice to have feelings this early in the morning!
it's easy to just you know be a robot this early

another thing giving me life is the fact that i have realized and stated that we ARE getting married in 2 1/2 weeks

it's hard to explain so i won't try other than to say
in the last ummmm 10 months we have experienced the hospitalization of a parent, the death of a family patriarch, my hospitalization, my major health issues, moving in together, raising a child together, and paying bills together

all REAL life things that normally happen over time to people have happened to us during the length of our engagement, most people can't stay married to one another while going through these things, let alone engaged (when you still have an out per se)

neither one of us left
neither one of us took an out

so we had a breakthrough in counseling on Tuesday night, that YES we are in fact getting married in 2 weeks

i didn't even realize that wasn't obvious
either we were or we weren't going to get married, there was no pushing back the date it either was going to be or it wasn't

i think people get into relationships, engagements, and even marriage with expectations
all these expectations

no matter how much you think you don't or won't have them, something creeps in

i personally, thought it was supposed to be the "happiest time in my life" and full of joy and butterflies and all smiles

but it hasn't been for us
i think we actually have been thrown into what most people experience the first year or living together AND what they experience when they first have a CHILD
when you lose a loved one
sick parents

so it wasn't like anything i thought an engagement "would be"

but it's been REAL and HEAVY

and it's shown me that we can get through a lot of things that most people can't even imagine making it through

i am excited that we have said that we are getting through it all
i am excited that at the end of the day we both still WANT to be married to one another

that is a wonderful feeling
in spite of EVERYTHING that life throws your way, when you STILL you want to be with someone and more importantly THEY STILL want to be with YOU...

well that's real life love