giving me life

...right now the blogs on my blog roll are giving me life this morning.
being at work by 6am takes a LOT out you
so it's cool to come in and read things that make you laugh, and think or get a little sad
it's just nice to have feelings this early in the morning!
it's easy to just you know be a robot this early

another thing giving me life is the fact that i have realized and stated that we ARE getting married in 2 1/2 weeks

it's hard to explain so i won't try other than to say
in the last ummmm 10 months we have experienced the hospitalization of a parent, the death of a family patriarch, my hospitalization, my major health issues, moving in together, raising a child together, and paying bills together

all REAL life things that normally happen over time to people have happened to us during the length of our engagement, most people can't stay married to one another while going through these things, let alone engaged (when you still have an out per se)

neither one of us left
neither one of us took an out

so we had a breakthrough in counseling on Tuesday night, that YES we are in fact getting married in 2 weeks

i didn't even realize that wasn't obvious
either we were or we weren't going to get married, there was no pushing back the date it either was going to be or it wasn't

i think people get into relationships, engagements, and even marriage with expectations
all these expectations

no matter how much you think you don't or won't have them, something creeps in

i personally, thought it was supposed to be the "happiest time in my life" and full of joy and butterflies and all smiles

but it hasn't been for us
i think we actually have been thrown into what most people experience the first year or living together AND what they experience when they first have a CHILD
when you lose a loved one
sick parents

so it wasn't like anything i thought an engagement "would be"

but it's been REAL and HEAVY

and it's shown me that we can get through a lot of things that most people can't even imagine making it through

i am excited that we have said that we are getting through it all
i am excited that at the end of the day we both still WANT to be married to one another

that is a wonderful feeling
in spite of EVERYTHING that life throws your way, when you STILL you want to be with someone and more importantly THEY STILL want to be with YOU...

well that's real life love