alright, alright, alright

i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired right now

i have an hour left at work and i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready to go

i have a suit on today that is literally falling off of me, i guess the weight loss is a reality...my co-workers have noticed...

so the kevin hart show was AWESOME like AWESOME like SO SO SO AWESOME

and i might add that i WON! yes your girl was FLYY and i am not basing it on the fact that i really literally was FLYY but based on his reaction to my outfit...

its always nice when you are getting dressed and you can tell that they weren't expecting what you have on...like this look like oh wow you are wearing that NICE...

plus if you add the fact that what HE wore, i picked out anyways than I still won...CLASSIC

when i say kevin hart is freaking HA LA RI OUS!

what...plus add some cheesecake factory for the after show dinner...

top notch night

not to say the weekend wasn't or didn't have its "moments of irritation" we definitely have to find the balance with each other i think when you are with anyone for what 2 and 1/2 days there are bound to be moments...

good thing is we vibe GREAT and work well as a team with the lil one...the bond that he and i have is there and we three vibe and work to get things done together well...

the issue i am having now though is getting to close...because if things don't work out i don't want to once again distance myself from the family, including this child...so now i find myself in a conundrum, although we have both decided that we will see where things go and allow things to flow...i still have to be mindful because it isn't just us, there is a child also involved...

all in all the weekend was good, not GREAT, but good and realistic

now to figure out what i shall be doing for the holidays

551

that's the number of this post


and since i don't have a title for it, it will do


wow i have written 551 posts that's mad crazy son...in my NYC voice


i have had a lot of blog topics come in and out of my mind the last view days and i wanted to blog but there has been so much going on that i just haven't had the time


if you are here in the DMV its OH SO COLD outside right now


like so cold i went and got a fofafur hat, you know one of those big hats people wear in places like Alaska! hahahaha


well if you saw a crazy lady with one on and a bubble coat this morning on the Metro that was me...actually there were a lot of people on the metro with similar hats but the older ladies had the fofamink ones on LOL


i am in a good place as the year ends, like emotionally i have my feelings (remember you guys i have come to NOT like having feelings at all)

living outside of yourself

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10

so this really pulls together how i have been feeling about love lately

see love is one of the most SELFLESS things you can ever do in this life because when you love someone, its totally NOT about you anymore

see loving someone else means that you love them as THEY need to be loved

am i still not making sense?

see we all have a love language:

words of affirmation

quality time

receiving gifts

acts of service

physical touch

we all have a way in which we need love to be expressed to us, and no two people are alike, most people have a primary and secondary language

me i NEED communication and time

so how i need to be loved and how you need to be loved are going to be different, sometimes the same, but may be different

so when you love someone, you go outside of yourself and you love them how THEY NEED to be loved and you don't do it because you feel like you'll get it back, because in reality you may not get it back, but because you love this person SO MUCH you are willing to go outside of yourself and just love on them how they need to be loved and you hope they love you enough to love you how YOU NEED to be loved

again, love is the most selfless thing you can ever do because when you truly love someone you love them how they need to be love for no other reason than you wanting to make them happy and making them happy makes you happy

i hope you followed that i know it was a little around and around in a circle type of deal but hey that's what's on my mind right now

decorations

so am i the ONLY person that could care less about holiday decorations?

i admit when i was a child this was the BEST time of year, not my fav, my bday has always been my FAVORITE...but the holidays from thanksgiving to Christmas definitely was THE next best thing and don't forget the time off from school

but now that i am a young adult (still will not claim that i am a straight up adult)

i could really CARE LESS about holiday decorations

i definitely believe if i had children i would be in the "spirit" of things

my co-worker was like "you have your decorations up?"

my response: "what decorations? i don't have any kids"

yep that's my excuse or reasoning

i mean what is the point in trying to decorate if you don't have a family

i mean the holidays are for family time and since i don't have a family i prefer to just act like its just any other time of the year...i definitely enjoyed thanksgiving this year and i am sure i will enjoy the day with extended family

but for now and definitely in the near future, i.e. next year, i don't foresee any decorations over here

p.s. i do NOT like holiday music...yea i know

December...

i don't know what to title this so just decided not to

i have a cold and this post nasal drip is KILLING me...like really its bothering me like crazy

and every now and then it gets really bad and the coughing begins

but my mind is running

i think a lot of people go through this at the end of the year

you start assessing, evaluating things to see what things you grew from and what things you would be just find leaving behind in 2010...

this was written to me last year:

Anonymous said...

You really have a lot going for you right now. I know it gets hard when your lonely but it's not your time to share your life with some one yet. In due time you will and he will be more than you ever wanted in a man. Concentrate on doing you now for thats where GOD wants you to be. With all of my Love, peace

and nothing has changed this year i am pretty much at the same place

so i really have to evaluate where i am and moving forward

so that's where i am right now

i am in the midst of assessing a lot of things and you know what a lot of my decisions would be a whole lot easier if it wasn't for my heart

the bible warns that the heart is a traitorous thing

and boy oh boy is it right

see because common sense and logic can play in all it wants but once the heart has its mind set on something you can get stuck

well i can't get stuck we have already been there when i have made it really clear that i can NOT fall back on my face when it comes to the L word

it just can't happen and i won't let it happen

I have been through WAY too much for me to have to deal with this type of foolishness at this point in my life at this age

so a lot of praying and soul searching has to be done on my part in terms of what it is what i want to do because leaving this behind in 2010 will be HUGE and it will mean turning away from a possible future

but that's the thing, possibilities are great when you have something to hope and have faith in but faith without works is dead and words are just that words they don't mean much without the effort

so December is going to be a huge month for me and it will definitely prove to be one that will set a course for 2011, for better or for worse

really random

so my NEW ipod nano screen is already CRACKED
really?
COME ON i just bought this thing like 3 weeks ago!
well that's why i paid for the insurance because it is going BACK
Thank you

so i realized something about myself

as a woman, when it comes to relationships, with the opposite sex
i need a few things (beyond you given, faithful, loyal, honest..)
i need STABILITY
yep, i need for you to be consistent
i need for there to be a routine

i am a routine type of person
i pretty much do the same thing day in and day out
including what i eat

it may seem pretty boring to most people, but i am definitely o k with being boring

of course we all like a little spice, surprise, something different every now and then
but i am a creature of habit and well it makes me feel safe and therefore SANE

see that's what is definitely MOST important in my life right now is peace and sanity

it makes me as a woman feel safe and secure

i don't like having room to wonder, to think, or ponder certain things

especially LOVE

it should just be and has to be a given

so if you aren't the most romantic...

if you aren't the most spontaneous

if we live in the most generic of love songs

as long as you are consistent and reliable (in the positive, because you can always be a consistently an ass as well)

i don't know am i crazy?

i know i can be but i think with this it isn't much to ask

on another note day 5 of NO MEAT and its not that hard, again because i am a creature of habit i just eat the same thing and keep it moving

working out daily and things seem to be really coming along

i am seeing the difference on the scale, not really in my shape just yet...it probably just water weight, but maybe not because this time i am working out with it so i am hoping that this will be sustainable weight loss

even if i cut up on the weekends a little bit, if i can make eating well during the week a habit and working out a habit, just apart of my daily routine then i think i may be able to get where i want to be or need to be rather for health reasons and i'll be able to hopefully stay there

in short i am finding and fighting my way to happiness

i think its definitely something that is a conscious effort to do every single day of your life
and i am choosing to be as happy as i can be

the things that i can't control i have to let go of and simply focus on the things that i can control and right now the only thing i can control is ME