Friday, August 13, 2010

mind dumpin

so my folks leave on sunday...yes they have plucked my ever lastin nerves...but i will truly miss them!

it won't be another whole year before i see them though, i'll be heading down to see all their renovations in november and then again in march for the family cruise and i am hoping that their 2 week summer stay will become a yearly event...

they both look really good...i just really love my folks...i really really do

i am a little blahza today...no particular reason...just am...

maybe because people are funny, especially females...no matter how old you get people are just that funny...i just have to remember not to be funny myself ya dig...its funny i say that at 30 or is it sad?

started reading "ain't i a woman" by bell hooks...it examines black feminism...definitely a question i have wrestled with for years...am i black or a woman first? and why do i have to choose? i think its cool to know someone else has had these same thoughts or issues or ponderings

is it just me or does anyone else's ipod seem to play the same stuff constantly...i mean its like over 2400 songs on this thing but i feel like it plays all the same stuff on shuffle..

ok here we go...some byb "i can change" in my ears...let blast it so my co-workers can think i am even more crazy then they already think i am...

i have gotten my focus back...dude i was OFF for a min...like not focused at work or at home just blah

and even though i am mad tired right now, i have been on it this week...i don't know what snapped me back into action but i am glad that i did..now if i can snap back into action with this weight loss...i haven't gone back up but geesh i needs to go DOWN...

oh here is the other thing i realize...i am still a work in progress when it comes to other peoples opinions or things...i don't like for people to not "get me" or if someone, like my dad, has something to say, it cuts like a knife...like he told me i was "fat" yep just like that i was "fat" i had gained weight...so for the past two weeks i have been extremely self conscious especially when i went out for my birthday...i don't like any of the pictures i am way to wide...sad isn't it..

well if you don't like what you see in the mirror its up to you to change it right?

i want to crawl under my desk and take a nap...like right now!

oh you know another thing that bothers me, terribly...beggars...

this may sound harsh to some, but this is the place i should be able to speak my mind right...now don't get me wrong homelessness is a major cause that i have and it bothers me that so many people in the "wealthiest" country on this here what we call earth are homeless...but i do NOT like be harassed or looked at like i have no soul every 5 steps i take because i don't give you change every day...i can't get food, go to CVS, or just walk to and from work without being asked at least 5 times for spare change, etc...and if you offer to buy food, etc...you get cursed out
i'll buy street cents from the homeless vendors and i tend to give extra at least once a week to the 8 people that are on my block...yes there are that many...

its a bit much to handle daily...i know i am blessed and i don't complain about my job, my house, my truck none of that because i am blessed and i am only but a few checks or a breakdown away from possibly being there myself...so i try to show compassion as much as i possibly can, but dude...come on...its a lot daily, hourly its a bit much...

that's just me you can tell me i am crazy or mean, won't be the first time i've heard it...

back to work...

have a great weekend i am off to new jeru for a bridal shower tomorrow...

2 comments:

blkbutterfly said...

We read Ain't a Woman as a required reading in college and I really enjoyed it. Hmmm... I may need to revisit it.

sometimes my iPod will surprise me with the songs it plays while on shuffle. typically, though, that's not the case.

i'm the same way when it comes to people's opinions, particularly if they are unsolicited. it also doesn't help that i remember everything, big or small.

i haven't lived in a city w/ aggressive beggars in a while. (Here in Austin, if you tell one "no," they'll apologize for bothering you and tell you to have a good day!) that being said, it is annoying when you they won't leave you alone. however, i also take into account that many homeless also suffer from mental illness, so they are oftentimes not acting in their right minds.

T.C. said...

you are right mental illness is the cause of a high percentage of homelessness...and i too try to keep that in mind, but day in and day out it can definitely start to take its tool on you...i've been cursed out or yelled out for nothing, not because they were begging and got ignored but just because of an episode at the time...and i *shurg* and keep moving..

idk today it was just really overwhelming every few steps someone asking for something and then you getting the side eye because you don't have it...i purposely don't carry cash but on few occasions so that i am being honest when i say i have no money...its getting to be a bit much and something needs to be done to ensure that they have the proper services (that's really part of my issue) how are we in the nation's capital and there is such a large population of homeless individuals!? it doesn't even make sense to me