Sunday, August 29, 2010
i realize that i am very content right now...
and although that's a good thing, i recognize that it really isn't
you see one day i want to be a wife and a mother, but i absolutely have no interest or drive to be in anyone's relationship and i don't know if i will any time soon...that's scary because it takes what 6 months to year or two of dating to get to a point of marriage and then another 2 or 3 being married before i would be ready for kids...
and the reality is i may end up being in this same space at 35 and its just me and Golden..
you know i sat and watched Marley and Me this weekend (well a couple of times, the first time she heard the puppy crying and she went to the tv to see what was wrong and then she heard him bark and she was looking for the dog, she is so smart...)
well back to the point when Marley died in the end i was balling, crying my eyes OUT...and she was laying on my lap and i know she was like "mum ok what is wrong with you, i am sleep" lol
she is so important to me
and i would be happy just me and her and no drama and not having to deal with anything or anyone...but that's not living and that's not loving...love is all about the other person and going outside of yourself
i guess i always feel like i love and don't receive it back...i DO know that i have grow a lot and can see myself flaws and all and when it IS finally that time i'll hopefully be more prepared for the hopefully FINAL round...that's all i got left in me