that's how i feel right about now...that i continue to surprise myself..
despite the week of HELL that i have experienced, i have not been broken...i refuse to allow someone to have that much control over my life or my spirit...
nor will i allow, friends, who basically are in this "i had a feeling..." type of mode and how by the way haven't said anything encouraging or understanding at all other than this fake attitude of well i knew something was up a long time ago, so sorry you just caught up attitude to get me down either...
becasue in short, i know who the real people who love me and care about me really are...times like these seem to always times like this that folks true colors come out...
BUT then again, you can NEVER expect just becasue your life has fallen apart that everyone else would care enough, because the reality is everyone has their issues, their own stuff that they are dealing with you know...so honestly even that type of stuff isn't bothering me it bothers me about as much as it took me to type that...
so i have taken control of my life, accepted my role in the situation and again am grateful that it happened they way that it did because now I KNOW and will never have a lingering feeling of what if or maybe i was wrong...
lesson learned for the uptenth time in life: ALWAYS LISTEN TO SELF and ALWAYS KNOW THAT THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS COME OUT
so i have been doing some self cleansing...got ride of everything he ever touched or layed on in my house...everyone had their own process but that is part of my cleansing process...
i went back to a perm, me fighting with my hair all the time was no longer working so i got a perm, a cut...went got a mani/pedi which included me definitely trying black out...and finally my mind has stopped running as much
i am definitely still hurt and angry but i definitely STILL believe that there are GOOD/GREAT men out here and love is still a possiblity...and i am releaved...things could have gotten much deeper than talking about marriage, kids and moving...got much deeper than being told i had an engagement ring and that we were definitely getting married next year...it was just a matter of timing...
deposits could have been put down, an engagement annouced, a dress bought...it could have been so much worse...more time invested...so again i am totally THANKFUL you know
