weekend recap

so i haven't really been doing much....seems like my weekends are full of travel or trying to rest up from travel or preparing to travel...well you get the picture...well this weekend i actually hung out a little bit...and it was fun

Friday

friday night i went to dinner with my lovely LSs...it was really nice, 6 of us out of the 14 went ot PF Changs in Columbia and we just ate, laughed and joked...it was a really nice time...i was tired but forced myself to go because i hadn't seen them in about a year since one of them got married...so there we were 3 married ladies, one pregnant lady and 2 ladies in a relationship...old women i tell you...but it was truly a ball!

Saturday

i got up because he was coming over to hang out before he left to go out of town for work (it seems like one of us is always going somewhere here lately) i also got a call from my god-son's mom and they stopped by to see us and ended up coming in the house to play...they loved him and he loved them...which is unusal for A because he doesn't take to many people but he took to him...we went to the mall hung out and then he left...i left out again not to long after him to see my little cousin/god-sister off to her JROTC ball and then off to dinner for my grandmother's 80th (yes 80th) birthday! me and my girl cousins took her to dinner...another nice night of laughing and joking and just having a good time


sunday
i just chilled...i chilled in the house and had a "me" day where i did absolutely NOTHING but relax...sit on my butt and do nothing...i did eventually cook dinner, but ordered in as well as i knew the dinner would be my lunch and dinner for the next couple of days...

here is the thing...i learned that going out and just chilling is so much fun to me(or verified rather)...i really had a nice time just sitting around talking and enjoying others and their company

in other news my bff ran her first marathon and did it in a little over 3 hours!!!! when it was a 10 hour event...whooo hooo...she rocks!

i also learned to just let certain stuff go, that doesn't mean it hasn't been put into my mental rolladex, BUT what it does mean is that imma just let it go and take my life one day at a time...i tend to have started to worry again, and i don't like that feeling...i am findin that taking stuff one day, one hour, heck even one moment at a time, keeps my sanity...

its monday and i am in a good place mentally and physically, not to drained either way...that's always a good thing...

how i am feeling right now

Storm-Jay Z

Brooklyn's bad boy back again
Feet hit the ground runnin' and my back's to the wind
Angels on my shoulders, head in the clouds
No, I'm not rappin',
I'm just thinkin' real loud
My karma's my armor, my charm and wit
Is like a lethal bomb,
I'm warm and sh*t
And I did bad for good
but when you're trapped in the 'hood
You do worse for less,
homie earth's a test
Only God can judge me
My heart ain't ugly
But the thoughts that I drop is heavy
Try budge me
Mama loved me, pop left me
Still the homies call me lucky lefty
I'm flashy and bentley
Deceptively smart
I make hustlin' heaven and pimpin' an art
Long as I know that I'm blessed'Cause
I'm loved in depth
I can walk through the water and not get wet
I'm that fresh

Small opportunities

Big opportunities come to those who make the most of the small opportunities. Small opportunities are present in each moment and in every situation.
Today is filled with small opportunities. In little bits of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is treasure waiting to be created.
Having a clear sense of purpose brings those small opportunities to light. Living with a strong commitment to move forward compels you to seize those opportunities and make the most of them.
Small steps, taken consistently, put you in position to take big steps. Save a few dollars a day, day after day, for example, and soon you have hundreds or thousands of dollars available to invest.
Honing your skills on the small things, by learning what works and what doesn't, will prepare you to successfully handle the big challenges and opportunities. Time is your friend when you make continuous use of it to grow stronger and more capable.
Everywhere you look, there are small ways for you to make a positive difference. String enough of them together, and absolutely anything is within your reach.
-- Ralph Marston

just wanted to start the week off with something positive...so many things can bring you to your knees...trust me i know...watching a parent just deteriorate in front of your eyes isn't the easy thing to do...but then again, you watch another parent spread their wings and enjoy life...life is funny that way i guess...you really don't see that until you are in it...but there is always a small opportunity in EVERYTHING we do to grow, to be stronger, to be better, to be full...full of life, full of the day, full or the spirit!

hold you head up high....positive thinking bring about positive changes...is what i will practice daily...

i only have a minute

i know i have been more M.I.A that usual but that's because i have been on travel with my job since sunday...i just touched down last night back in DC...

Friday was all about the youth...Kiamsha Kiamsha Kiamsha....man being around young people really just really energizes me...it really makes me understand why i keep doing what i do...like my mentor said "you are those kids, you get those kids, you can get in there with those kids unlike a lot of others, that's what you are tc, that's what you are supposed to do..."

and she is RIGHT! no other way to say it...when you see young people get it, when you see that what you say and do DOES matter to them, when you see that you ARE making a difference it makes it worth it...at least for me...it makes it all worth it...

Since Sunday i have gone from DC to Austin, TX to Albuquerque, NM back to DC...only to be brought into a MAJOR meeting today that i wasn't particularly planning on being in, especially after having limited sleep for the past several days and traveling all over (which by the way being on a plan for more than 3 hours at a time just isn't right ESPECIALLY when you have a little restless boy sitting behind you...)

anywho for some reason i am feeling more energized about my life!

good news huh! yea it is...

certain things have become extremely clear that they are life lessons being learned but what is most important is that i am learning that when i step up and give my all things will fall into place...it always falls into place, even when you can't fully see it, it will fall into place...and that is what i am learning...i was in this place or have been in the faithful place for so long that when doubt and worry crept in i can honestly say that i didn't know how to handle it...that worry took me to a dark place that i was not used to anymore and it was scary...

that's not to say that the worry has fully gone away, but what has happened over the past week or so, even when bad things and thoughts were coming my way was let me know that i am living for the people for a greater cause for something and someone other than myself...and that in the greater scheme of things, i can't do it by myself and that if i just believe in my higher being in my GOD and in myself and gather that strength to just keep pushing forward things WILL come full circle...

okay so that be all for now...peace

politics

i tend to NOT want to discuss politics and the like to much on my blog...i find that i much rather use this as a forum for my release...

HOWEVER, i have come acros SEVERAL blog posts that have been EXTREMELY enlightening and informative...so i wanted to just link em up so that you can go and look for yourselves...

i think that at this time in our lives, in this country, its time to take a stand...i for one have been hollerin to anyone who will listen to me for the past couple of years that the revolution will not be televised...meaning or basically stating that its time for us as a people of African descent to reclaim ourselves, our lives, our communities-our humanity and take a stand for the improvement... (yea its time for TC to get her PhD in history/african american studies) its time for me to make and take a stand and do something for my community (other than Kiamsha blog to follow)

with all that being said

check these out:

eighter from decatur
a picture says a million words
racism in my feminism...you don't say?

all of these posts are really informative and thought provoking so i urge you to check them out...

it has gotten me to think deeper about a lot of issues, one being, am i a woman or black first...and i don't think that i can separate the two...i am a black woman, my race and my gender go hand and hand in this modern society...but like Oprah said, "don't play me small"

peace people

music i am feeling

first up is a chick from across the pond with our favoritie "extra" artist....

Estelle-American Boy!




this song just rocks...i love her funky style...once i decide to go back to the perm, a fresh cut such as this is FIRST up...HA!

second is Ashanti's new single-the way that i love you....




now i am NOT an Ashanti fan at all, but she is singing her little heart out in this song...and i am feeling it...its like when she first came out all over again....

silence

for the last past couple of days i have been living in silence
i get up and turn nothing on
i ride in the total silence
i just live in silence...

for some reason the silence gives me an over arching peace, peace of mind...which is much needed...

i know that i will keep living like this for a while because it helps me quit my mind, and helps me listen to my heart...

its like i am trying to find myself again...one of my mentors said to me, "you are the realest of all my girls, and i don't like the feeling that you are becoming fake, you have to maintain your realness...."

she said this to me a couple of weeks ago but i have been processing that statement for a while...like wow...what seems fake...maybe because i don't talk to people as much anymore and i have found myself just being serious all the time...that's not me i like to enjoy life and enjoy just being down right silly...laughing, joking, smiling, talking trash...its amazing how outside forces can take such a toll on you and your spirit....

there are a lot of negative forces pulling on me right now, and i gotta shake it all off...

so i'll keep living in silence for a minute...so if i don't talk to you or email you...know its nothing but love...

i just have to be still and be silent....

rAdomneSS

so i bought a journal over the weekend-i haven't had a journal in YEARS like kept a journal on a regular basis...but basically with so much going on, so many different things happening at one time i determined that it would be good for me to start plotting down my intimate thoughts
i am actually finding that its quit helpful for me to just get stuff of my chest and out of my head so to speak....

yea so i have a lot of things coming through the pipeline...a lot of things that i am not necessarily happy about or liking so its pretty much up to me to make some changes...but basically all of these things will take time...so right now my patience is being test to like the UMPTH degree

but patience is a virtue....

you know who gets me, my mother...no matter how far off reach or how far i go off the deep end, or no matter how emotional or even irrational i can sometimes be, she gets me...and she accepts me for who i am no matter what...but i guess that's a mother's love...

i have figured out what i want my GREATEST accomplishment to me...my family! yep, i know i'll give back to the community, eventually i'll do trainings and workshops and information sessions...i'll do well in a career and all of that...but my greatest accomplishment in life, that i want is my family...you see because your family keeps you grounded, your family is your root...your family, husband and kids are those who mean the most in life...at least that's how i feel right now...but here is the kicker...i might not ever get to fulfill that accomplishment...

its like the conversation that i had this weekend...we are all so focused on making a "name" for ourselves, that we push and push and push in a career path and then we "make it" and guess what we end up alone...all alone not having anyone to share our lives with because we have been so totally focused on just having a career...

i was also asked this weekend "do you have enough patience to deal with someone who has their own business and could be gone for weeks at a time????"

wow...major question in deed...here is the thing, you can be married to someone and see them everyday and there is no bond or relationship, you can be married and have a long distance marriage and the bond is tighter than anything!

so that's the thing...it all depends on what each party is willing to put into the relationship. i am willing to be patient and understanding, but what are YOU willing to put into the relationship to sustain that bond, to continue to foster that growth between the two of us...

again, patience is the key because clearly i don't think that either one of us fully understands all that it will take to maintain a relationship across distances, time, and hectic schedules...

LIFE just seems to keep getting in the way

one thing that i DO know, is that working with the Kiamsha youth this weekend over their workshop, is THAT is what i LOVE to do! i got caught up in working so hard for this 9-5 that i forgot about the kids that need me and that love me and that i love...

like i said i have a lot of stuff to think about, figure out and all of that...but definitely starting to write down my thoughts and allowing myself to feel and work through those feelings good and bad will help me...

for example, how i WANT to buy so many different pieces...so many different dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, bags...and i just don't have the money and the extra money i do have or come across needs to go to paying down my debts so that i can be debt free, because my parents are plotting for me to buy their house...not that i want their house, but it would be a good move for me financially but its still a major step and a step i am not sure that i want to take...

i think it all boils down to me being tired of feeling like i have to fend for myself, its like when can i just have a break...but i won't or don't get a break...and no matter what, i have been pushing and i'll just have to keep pushing forward that's life you know, that's just life...

i am fighting my way out of this funk...and i am going to keep fighting...i have no choice...i come from a line of fighters in its in my blood, its in my DNA my general makeup...

but despite all of this confusion and stress...i am blessed and forever GRATEFUL...i have a home, i have heat, i have food to eat, i have a truck to drive, i have gas in my vehicle...i have wonderful parents that love me...i have home gurls that are doing big things, one works for ESSENCE, one who is working a 9-5 and still performing shows, one is a GREAT teacher, one is getting married to the love of her life, another one is a Pharmacists and just bought a house, one is a single mother and climbing up the ranks in county government AND going back to school, another one had to start all over with her undergrad degree but she did it! sistahs going out there living, loving and giving...

he is out there doing his thing, taking over the family business working 10-12 hour days, flying all over the country and despite what he may think i am truly proud of him and i know he'll be successful...

we are just all busy fighting through life...fighting to make things happen...doing what we got to do to survive and hopefully through it all we'll find peace and happiness...