Thursday, January 11, 2007

Communication

So the message led to the conversation, which led to the realization that there had been a MAJOR mis-communication...

To often then not we speak on how COMMUNICATION is the key to any relationship...
But to often then not we don't practice good communication skills with one another. We just don't.

Since I started a new job this week (Yes the LORD is moving in the 07) I was greeted by a lovely crazy six-dimensional block on my desk that speaks on Communication.

It starts like this:

Guidelines for Productive Work Sessions-
In order to capitalize on our unique cultural perspectives and expertise, we seek to apply the following guidelines to our interactions:

1. Practice self-focus. Begin by talking about your own experience. It is helpful to make "I" statements when speaking about yourself and your experience, rather than saying "you," "we," or "one." When you intend to refer to others, be specific about who those others are -by name or group.

2.Try on each other's ideas, feelings, and ways of doing things for the purpose of greater understanding. Keep what you like and let go of the rest at the end of the work session.

3. It's OK to disagree. One of the necessary ingredients for differences to be expressed and valued is that people let go of the need to be, think, or act the same.

4. It's NOT OK to blame, shame, or attack ourselves or others because of our differences.

5. Notice both the process and content during work sessions. Content is what we say, while process is how and why we say or do something and how the group reacts. Notice who's active and who's not, who's comfortable and who's not, who's interested and who's not, and ask about it.

6. Confidentiality with regard to personal sharing is important. You can carry the work of the group, your own stories and perspectives, your own learning, and the public work from the group. Allow others to tell their own stories
.

So why do I put all of that up there...well because the same goes for ANY relationship, including one that is romantically based...

People must really understand the POWER in communicating freely, fairly, and honestly with one another...

Had my friend told me that I had offended him like I had, I would have immediately apologized and we could have kept it moving...HOWEVER, he did not do that...he chose to shut down, and NOT communicate his feelings...

See we BOTH have EXTREMELY strong personalities...and so we may bump heads from time to time, but Saturday night was more than a bump but rather an explosion of sorts, and He didn't communicate with me, instead he shut down and retreated back from me...well for me, that's NOT going to work...but then I learned something extremely interesting...he didn't realise that he COULD communicate his feelings with me...the thought never dawned on him that I would actually CARE about his thoughts and/or feeligns, that they would really make a differences IN MY thoughts and/or actionsor

So then I realized something even further...

Communication is something that takes time...

You have to take the time to learn each others communication stlyes/methods and be willing to talk/COMMUNICATE with one another to find some type of common communication style...and that ALL has to do with really getting to KNOW someone and accepting them for who they are...the GOOD and the BAD...

See Love is NOT about being someone's "perfect person" but about being with someone that helps you be the BEST person that you can be...the measure of compatibility is not the number of years spent together but how good you are for each other...

And do you KNOW how you KNOW this...

yep through getting to know someone, through what people:
COMMUNICATION...GOOD COMMUNICATION

He stated that the disagreement forced him to look at some things and grow up...and I didn't admit anything, but it forced me to RE-EVALUATE some things on my own as well...dag on it did I GROW some too....

I don't KNOW it all, and I don't NEED to KNOW IT ALL...and I too can mis-communicate things at times

Life is continually about growth and the interactions that happen daily between one event, totally affects another...the key is communicating your feelings to the other party involved and seeing if it is a workable situation or NOT...

so then you may ask, well is YOUR situation workable TC?

Possibly...at this point after a free association, so to speak, form of communication from both sides...I am actually STILL OPEN to the possibilities....

time will tell...Right now, its one day at a time, learning and growing...

it is what it is...and it will be what its meant to be...
Peace!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Communication seems like such a simple task....but it can be so hard sometimes! That's cool you are still open to the possibilities with your friend. Truthful statement......what is meant to be will be!

Anonymous said...

So very true. So many times we are afraid of telling someone about how we feel or how've they've made us feel. Bumps in the road could be just that bumps if folks took the time to communicate. Funny how it seems like folks would know to talk to one another yet it's soooo hard to do....KUDOS on this one!!!!!

It is what it is!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is some good information. I see you posting on Honey-Libra all the time but am just making my way over here! Nice blog! I'll be back.

T.C. said...

@paulad-yea I am open, we will see what happens...you know...and ain't it the truth...it will be what it will be...

@honey-exactly, and it could have been JUST a bump had we communicated earlier, but it became this THING...but its really important that we understand that we are ALL different people with different backgrouds and thus different forms of communicating...you know...and just be open to other forms

@pamalicious-Thanks for stopping past...Imma check you out too

Shai said...

I agree. The thing is even as someone is taught this or reads this their perceptions may get in the way.

From experience and having training classes about communicating, I have learned to be more open and observe what someone is saying. I also ask questions.

I do believe communication is as good as its willing participants.

I can say I have some who get trained and still refuse to try new ways to communicate.

I am human and still learning. I am catching myself.

Good post.

Anonymous said...

like u said...communication takes time...

Anonymous said...

I'm 100% with you on the idea that communication is key. I just said that to someone today who was making things a lot more difficult than they need to be. I appreciate people who just say what's on their mind so much more than people who hide their feelings or are afraid to open up. I know it's hard, but it's something that HAS to be done whether we like it or not. But in the end, everything always ends up working out. You may not get the result that you wanted, but at least the air is clear and you can move on from there with all the information. Communication is truly for the best.

T.C. said...

@shai-I think that we are ALL growing and catching ourselves...as we mature and begin to look at things differently we begin to communicate better...

@svw-it does take time...

@jac-I agree just keep it open and real with me...but the thing is people like to keep their walls up...so for me, I let my layers down one by one, as I give the other party gives...and hopefully as time goes on we will both pile our layers off...in the mean time in between time just take it one day at a time...and let what will be will be...

Anonymous said...

thank you for this post. it was very informative and you reiterated what we all need to practice in our daily lives. communication is an essential and key element in human interaction and without it our lives would be even more chaotic than it already is.

T.C. said...

@blu-Thank you! you are right its about that open, constant flow of positive communication!

Thotstimi said...

This's a fantastic piece.
What a great many relationships could have been saved, if only we realise the power of communication.
However, 'tis not only enough to communicate but, understand what's been said. Too often, one says A and the other interprets it as B.
An excellent piece.

T.C. said...

@thostimi-thank you very much...when dealing with someting...you are so right, communicating really takes listening and understanding the other persons point of view...