I'd rather be with you...

You every just get that feeling, "I can't stand you, but I'd rather be with you...."
like when you are getting to know someone...like really getting to know someone, no cut cards, no BS, just straight shots, no chassers...

Thats how I have been feeling, getting to know someone is tuff, but what makes it tuffer is when you are getting to know someone and you realize certain things about yourself and so you get to see your flaws even more in the forefront, stuff you KNOW is there but you really have to face it because you want things to work, so you have to face YOUR OWN stuff...

Well that's whats up with me, facing my own stuff to work through stuff and come to an understanding...Man its rough

I have come to understand that I am a lot like my Dad, I like to nit pick about the "small stuff" and for what...its just that small, but I ALWAYS got to have something to say...and for what...I ALWAYS got to have the last word...and for what...

So TC moves into yet another level of understanding about herself and life for the better of course...because the place of peace, peace of mind is the frame of life that I am determined to live in...

I continue to smile at my growth, I continue to smile about our progression...and I realize that I would rather be with myself, steady evolving, and I am grateful for you wanting to be along for the ride....

So I , We move forward and make it happen...

Did we say WEs got talent?!

So here lately there has been a lot of talent coming out of DC...and I am loving it...
If you haven't already heard it...
J. Holiday-Be with Me




Then we can't forget my man...the dude that took that DC Soul and brought it back to the forefront...
Raheem DeVaughn
Imma take it back to the orignial for that dude....
Guess who loves you more



I so wish he would have done a video for Believe...that is THE jam!


But you know this song YOU....great dedication to the ladies....

Finally there is this other cat out Tabi Bonney and his song YOU/Put me in the Pocket...
dude is aiight....




This dude itsn't the greatest...but his music is what I am really feeling...then I like the video with the area youth doing the "beat your feet" dance....


I don't know the new dude J. Holiday is what sparked this post...I just feel like there is a lot of talent in the DC Metro area and we need to start putting it out there...

Peace

Love for While...

I really really LOVE this song...its such a nice chill song...and it really talks about something simple and sweet...enjoy

Trapped in my thoughts....

This is actually the title of a fellow blogger's blog....but its honestly how I am feeling right now...

so many times, we take our mental capacity and abilities totally for granted...
so many times we take our parents for granted, and we you see that both are slipping away at the same time...you feel well, trapped in your thoughts, because there is nothing that you can physically do...

Let me explain....

My Dad is like one of the toughest, strongest, craziest, coolest, cats I know...
If you know him in the streets, his name was red bone
If you know him from work, just call him Clarke
If you are my mother you call him Jimmy...
But to me, he is and will always be, My DADDY...and I his little girl...

As you know I have 5 older brothers, and then there is me...little old me...the ONE who despite my physical makeup, acts and thinks like my Dad the most...well not really all of us act like him in our own way...but me, I got his common sense, his straight give it to you raw talk, his sense of humor, his honesty, his love for good shoes and hats...my mother used to say "you act so much like your father it makes me sick" and of course he would say "you act just like your mother..."

Me and my Dad, man that's my homie...we are so tight, that I promised him that when I lost my virginity, BEFORE I would talk to him about it, and after I would tell him if it was worth it...well I kept my promise...and he was right it wasn't worth it...

That's just the type of relationship we have...so when I went to the house on Sunday to check on him, and he looks up at me from his bed and says

"who are you?.....(after a minute of silence)oh, hey T"
he broke my heart...my father didn't know me....

It all started on Thursday when my mother came home from work...he kept asking her about 3 pills, and she had no idea whatsoever what he was talking about.
By Friday it had gotten worse, and on Saturday, he was up and about to leave out of the house to go and look for my brother...which doesn't seem so bad, except it was 30 degrees outside and he was going out in shorts...my mother was totally afraid to leave him alone...he was seeing stuff...he saw me walking up the sidewalk in front of the house and of course I wasn't there...he kept saying people were doing stuff to the house, he didn't know that it was the weekend and wanted to know why my mother was at home...

My father was totally and utterly out of it, delusional...we came to the conclusion that he had a slight stroke or small seizure...but of course he would NOT go to the hospital...his doctor said to bring him on Tuesday so he is going today...or so we thought...he says he doesn't feel good, which is why i told him he needs to go....

Its been rough on my mother, she won't leave his presence...my brother can't take seeing him like this, and me...Me I just pray and wonder...

he hasn't had an episode since Saturday night...but what does all of that mean...if he doesn't go and get tests ran, we will never know...

All I know is that my father is slipping away from me right before my eyes and I don't know what to do about it...but pray...

my heart is breaking, there is so much I need and want my father for...to give me away at my wedding, to hold my child's hand...just to hold my hand and sit and talk to me on the swing outside like we do...talk about nothing in particular...talk about life, love, and what its all about...
but my reality is...I don't know, I don't know...

I love you Daddy...with all my heart!
No matter what, me and you until the end...

Switched

So I have finally switched over to the new blogger...
One thing that I can definitely see that I will like is that I can make my words different font colors, so that will be crazy cool...
And you know I am sure there are other "benefits" to this BUT the main reason I wanted to change is because I wanted to do something different with the template, so I actually thought that there would be different template options on this thing...

NO TC there aren't any...

so I am back to square one with that...but hey i am digging the alternative options on here and I finally got a GMail account too...

In other unrelated news
I do have a lot that I want to talk to you all about, but I have a new project to do here at work, I think I am coming down with a sinus infection, and I HAVE to get my hair done again...like ASAP it looks a hot mess and you all KNOW how I get about my hair...if not go here

Well I will get at you guys this weekend sometime...

Song of the Week:

OK so I have been out of the loop or just away or just busy that I haven't been doing my "song of the week"...

This week I am going to take it back to something that is funky fresh...
Hip Hop & DC Go Go...

Man I love this joint...



Shake your thang people

Have a GREAT week!

Communication

So the message led to the conversation, which led to the realization that there had been a MAJOR mis-communication...

To often then not we speak on how COMMUNICATION is the key to any relationship...
But to often then not we don't practice good communication skills with one another. We just don't.

Since I started a new job this week (Yes the LORD is moving in the 07) I was greeted by a lovely crazy six-dimensional block on my desk that speaks on Communication.

It starts like this:

Guidelines for Productive Work Sessions-
In order to capitalize on our unique cultural perspectives and expertise, we seek to apply the following guidelines to our interactions:

1. Practice self-focus. Begin by talking about your own experience. It is helpful to make "I" statements when speaking about yourself and your experience, rather than saying "you," "we," or "one." When you intend to refer to others, be specific about who those others are -by name or group.

2.Try on each other's ideas, feelings, and ways of doing things for the purpose of greater understanding. Keep what you like and let go of the rest at the end of the work session.

3. It's OK to disagree. One of the necessary ingredients for differences to be expressed and valued is that people let go of the need to be, think, or act the same.

4. It's NOT OK to blame, shame, or attack ourselves or others because of our differences.

5. Notice both the process and content during work sessions. Content is what we say, while process is how and why we say or do something and how the group reacts. Notice who's active and who's not, who's comfortable and who's not, who's interested and who's not, and ask about it.

6. Confidentiality with regard to personal sharing is important. You can carry the work of the group, your own stories and perspectives, your own learning, and the public work from the group. Allow others to tell their own stories.

So why do I put all of that up there...well because the same goes for ANY relationship, including one that is romantically based...

People must really understand the POWER in communicating freely, fairly, and honestly with one another...

Had my friend told me that I had offended him like I had, I would have immediately apologized and we could have kept it moving...HOWEVER, he did not do that...he chose to shut down, and NOT communicate his feelings...

See we BOTH have EXTREMELY strong personalities...and so we may bump heads from time to time, but Saturday night was more than a bump but rather an explosion of sorts, and He didn't communicate with me, instead he shut down and retreated back from me...well for me, that's NOT going to work...but then I learned something extremely interesting...he didn't realise that he COULD communicate his feelings with me...the thought never dawned on him that I would actually CARE about his thoughts and/or feeligns, that they would really make a differences IN MY thoughts and/or actionsor

So then I realized something even further...

Communication is something that takes time...

You have to take the time to learn each others communication stlyes/methods and be willing to talk/COMMUNICATE with one another to find some type of common communication style...and that ALL has to do with really getting to KNOW someone and accepting them for who they are...the GOOD and the BAD...

See Love is NOT about being someone's "perfect person" but about being with someone that helps you be the BEST person that you can be...the measure of compatibility is not the number of years spent together but how good you are for each other...

And do you KNOW how you KNOW this...

yep through getting to know someone, through what people:
COMMUNICATION...GOOD COMMUNICATION

He stated that the disagreement forced him to look at some things and grow up...and I didn't admit anything, but it forced me to RE-EVALUATE some things on my own as well...dag on it did I GROW some too....

I don't KNOW it all, and I don't NEED to KNOW IT ALL...and I too can mis-communicate things at times

Life is continually about growth and the interactions that happen daily between one event, totally affects another...the key is communicating your feelings to the other party involved and seeing if it is a workable situation or NOT...

so then you may ask, well is YOUR situation workable TC?

Possibly...at this point after a free association, so to speak, form of communication from both sides...I am actually STILL OPEN to the possibilities....

time will tell...Right now, its one day at a time, learning and growing...

it is what it is...and it will be what its meant to be...
Peace!

The message...

As a follow up to the meeting....

I now have a message...a voice message...about how the person is handling how everything went down extremely hard and just wanted to know if I was ok...

Now the disagreement took place on Saturday, there was no communication until Sunday, and that was when he disclosed that he thought we were too much alike (mind you we are a lot a like, but totally different) and yesterday at lunch time I get a voice message...one sounding like he is full of disappointment and regret...

How do I respond? With a text message...it was extremely impersonal so once I got off work I left him a voice message of my own. I tried my best to remain as professional and unfeeling as possible...but I left it at that...

Has he called? NO
Will he call? I don't know...

What will I do? That seems to be the question of the hour....a couple of my girls say, see what he says and move on from there...a couple say just let it go...my mother says...see what he says...what do I say? I say it is what it is...meaning that it will work out how its supposed to work out when its supposed to work out...right now its nothing....so that's how I will carry it...

like I said before...I will be just fine, too many other blessings to NOT be fine...

The meeting

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself, man this is it...this might be what its really all about...well for me that's what happened...I met the guy, THE guy, or so I thought...time was in the way and I had to get to Miami and just sit back and enjoy myself with my peoples...we spent as much time as we could together, including Christmas...talking, laughing, joking...

It was all so surreal and good...pure foundation of a friendship, but there was just one catch...we are just alike...maybe too alike for his liking...maybe for me too...

It was a great moment though, but I can honestly say it, as in everything in my life, taught me a lesson....what that lesson is, I am not really sure yet, but one I know...

No, I know what the lesson was, that just because YOU are a GOOD person and he is a GOOD person, doesn't mean that it will work...sometimes it just doesn't...and that's really ok...another lesson I learned was to just let go...if someone wants to find fault or flaw in you, there is nothing that you can do about it...I mean if you honestly have some serious issues to look at then you do that...but if someone WANTS to find flaws then what can you do...

If someone wants to walk away from you, let them go...let them walk...its not going to be beneficial for you to beg them to stay...its just not meant to be...you know that saying some folks are for a reason, season or lifetime...

Well our meeting was definitely a reason, it let me know that I still have feelings, and I still believe in relationships and the possiblties of love...and that in itself makes meeting you worth while...

So Thank you for that...

Peace!

Man can we say....VACATION!!!

What it do people...
HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!!!

I hope that you had as wonderful of a New Year's as I had...man...did I have a ball...
Me, J.A.C., MikeSee, Danger, J.H., R.H., & K.W.....started off our 6 day vacation in South Beach Miami...



As soon as we jumped off the plane (after midnight on Saturday/Sunday) we rush to the hotel to meet up with J.H. and head to club bed to party with the fellas...MAN OH MAN...did we party...



Then Sunday we got up and went to the beach...NOW I am NOT a beach person, but Miami Beach in December at 80 degrees, it was just so peaceful...I must say that I truly enjoyed myself...I had such a rocky year, so to end it off with a day full of peace and reflection...man that was right on point...



That night we went back to the beach and brought in the New Year...then we walked Ocean Drive and ended up partying yet again until about 6am...We hadn't even gotten on the 5 day cruise yet, and we was already partied out...OFF THE HOOK!!!!

Once on the ship we partied some more and ate, and ate, and partied somemore....by Thursday, I was done...I got up and ate breakfast and went back to bed only in time to catch the end of the lunch shift...I was just chilling...feel me....

But man oh man did we party....and it was all love, jokes, fun, just good times...I know it was a GREAT way to start off the NEW YEAR...

I am sure JAC, MikeSee, and Danger will write something....so check them out too...