...started from the bottom

now we here
i actually like that song by Aubrey
i didn't by the explicit version though
my voice is harder than his and i don't believe his cursing
does that sound right?
O just was shaking his head when i said that but its the truth

i started off doing all kinds of black history month pics on my instagram but that didn't last
not because i don't have a great love for all thing black (BLACK POWER) i don't think people were reading them
ehhh

HUGE change at work

i am now working overnight
not really feeling that
HOWEVER
the 10% or so increase that i'll get from working overnight and Sunday night will take care of the 10% loss we will suffer from the CONGRESS not creating a balanced budget

its hilarious to me how they are calling it Obamasequester really people and people believe that
how about both sides are just being rediculous

back to this working nights, it was either do that OR let them once again DROP me wherever they decided and that's not an option, i need to put myself where i want to be put, so i'll do this for a little while and then move on

time to pull things together to hopefully get promoted at some point this year and this time, it'll take a package

marriage life is cool
its work
but it has great moments
and being a mom is cool
being parents is work
you have to work together and agree on how things should be done and that doesn't always happen, so backing each other up eve when you don't agree with the other person is so important.

oh
i have two weddings that i am doing April and July and i am excited and nervous
its THE most important day in someone's life so i need to pay great attention to detail and ensure that everything is a perfect as possible
there were things about my day i didn't like and it was because she didnt' listen to me fully or ask me about something the day of
so i want to have a plan, A, B & C for my clients!

totally excited about 2013 so let's see if we can get this business legalized and on ready to take over the world

621: the meaning or marriage

that is the title of the book that i am currently reading
(along with ASSATA for my black history month read)
but this book is taking over my life

this is the summary of the book:
“A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery…” - Ephesians 5:31-32

Modern culture would have you believe that everyone has a soul-mate; that romance is the most important part of a successful marriage; that marriage does not mean til death do us part, but merely for as long as my needs are being met; and that when serious differences arise, divorce is the best solution.  
According to the bible, all of these modern-day assumptions miss what marriage is all about..... draws a profound portrait of marriage from the pages of Scripture that neither idealizes nor rejects the institution but points us back to the relationship between God and man. The result is a vision for marriage that is refreshingly frank and unsentimental, yet hopeful and beautiful. This book is for anyone from singles, to couples considering marriage, to those who have been married recently or for a long time

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!
i won't say what i thought was right or wrong about the statement because i couldn't figure it out really
i just know it is an in your face this is what the TRUTH is and this is reality

i have recently said that marriage is both a beautiful thing and a lot of hard work
and that simple statement rings and remains true
as well as my statement that those who don't think so are either lying or delusional

here is the other thing
when you are in a marriage and you are working if you don't know Jehovah Jirah
you will definitely feel alone and lost

people tell you the first year of marriage is hard, but no one tell you just HOW HARD it is
i have known this man for the past 13/14 years and until you MARRY someone you have no idea
you think but you don't know
and the reality is you still are getting to know them until the end
people change
have expectations
have needs
have dreams
have issues

and if you aren't grounded in the WORD i can honestly see why someone would NOT make it past 90 days, 6 months, or the first year
realistically
once you say I do and come back from your honeymoon all living hell can break lose with real world responsibilities and the pressure of marital expectations

the WORD is what is going to keep you past day 1 to day 18,250 (that's 50 years of marriage)

here's to working at it and making it work
not because you HAVE to
but because you WANT to

random

so i don't know if anyone else cares
but beyonce sung over her own voice and seems to me that she went ham at the end so who really CARES
wasn't like she was singing over J huds voice or Mary's she sung along with her voice so jump across the river and move on
secondly
and i know many others haven't thought about it but another thing about beyonce
that GQ spread she did, and this is my blog and MY opinion, to me isn't much better than those spreads in KING or Maxium
they were bootie shots and that's that
nothing more to them but that
again my opinion and blog and i can say what i want

i keep watching think like a man
i remember when the book came out and i was single and my mother thought something was wrong with me, she was trying not to say that, but that's how she felt
anyways
she got me the book
i will saying that he brings up some things that work well for the single woman but then again what can a man whose been divorced what twice tell me
a man who also wore a hair piece until he finally let it go

i have facebooked before about my disdain for trinidad james but that man really makes my skin crawl
he is wearing a leopard blouse and holding a puppy in the middle of the projects! i can't

what is with rap today anyways
it just isn't motivating
nothing is dope
remember a beat would come on and the room would literally stand still
remember that feeling when the songs beat hit the floor and would make it rumble and you knew every single word of the rap song
EVERY SINGLE WORD

well very few songs are like that
remember ready to die
man that was a classic
i knew every single song
or water bed hev

WHAT HAPPENED TO RAP!!!!

marriage is fun
and a lot of work
anyone that says its one without the other is either lying or in denial
you have to give and take
you have to try and try some more to communicate

my son has to have surgery on Tuesday
he has fluid in his ears and has to have tubes put in and have his adenoids scraped down
me being sick is one thing
HIM being sick another
that's a little 3 year old child that is helpless so for him to be put under and there is nothing that we can do for him but just wait
that's a feeling i wish on no one

i am home alone until Monday and it sucks
i am bored out of my mind
and nauseated like crazy and it pretty much sucks majorly!
and i can't be around people except for tomorrow for long periods of time and i have to be so many feet away
which is good since i have to go to work
which i am not looking forward to doing
but such is life

well that's enough randomnessofaminddumpfortonight

radiation

i am on my way to hopkins for my radiation treatment
i must go alone
the rays can hurt someone else
i am upset and emotional
such is life
being strong is overrated

i'll just treat it like any other appointment
sigh

inspired

the events of yesterday truly have me inspired!

if you don't know what happened, let m remind you

the FIRST African-American President of the United States was sworn into the office for the second and final time

i worked and it was a wonderful feeling being apart of HISTORY

when i got him my husband and son were watching the coverage and my black like boy, my 3 year old, was saying his name and looking on as if he looks like me and my daddy and my pop pop and my granddaddy j

you may ask how do i know that, i just do
my child is smart and very aware, he just told me yesterday as well i am babe because that's what his dad calls me

anyways
i am inspired
i remember getting my poli sci degree and MPA
and being so in tune to politics and social justice
and that is what i want to do again

i need to start PAYING ATTENTION
and i am motivated to do so

i am also motivated to get myself physically together
one of my goals for the year is to develop a healthy eating and physical activity regime
why?
because i just am really starting to believe and see that we as women get better with time!
look at the FLOTUS
her first ball she looked great, don't get me wrong
but last night beyond FLAWLESS just gorgeous!

and that comes with confidence and confidence comes with age and wisdom and the ability to just be true to you and not worry about what others think or say

i just want to look and feel good
return to my consciousness and just be happy
and that i will do!

i am inspired

not centered

i am not centered
everything around me seems to be out of my control

i have no time
i have no peace
i have no patience
i have no structure

i do have a lot of anger
i do have anxiety
i do have an attitude

there is no balance
i keep trying to get to it
but i am just ignoring what's out of place

things are totally out of place

i am annoyed
i am confused
i am tired

there is everything and nothing going on at the same time

i can't keep faking

i need help
i don't have help

it's easier helping others

i am sick
i can't claim it

i don't know what to do anymore

it's easier just to give up

.....

real life adult new world problems

here is the issue
I want to move
like NOW
not yesterday
but TODAY
or how about before i even bought that house

i bought the house because of familial obligations
as of the end of this month i will have lived in that house for 3 years and can i in fact move OUT of said house without owing our president any money

so i promptly, upon this realization, began looking for houses
some brand new
some not so brand new
i nice older home remodeled and move in ready would work well for me

then i realize nope that's not going to really work out

for various reason my husband said we need to wait to move
he said until next year
but with the laundry list of things that we need to go ahead and fix in the house to make it livable what's the point in just waiting a year

we should just fix these things and wait another couple of years
why because the list is as follows:
carpet cleaned
chimney fixed (much needed)
complete plumbing replacement
upgrade of the electrical system
crown modeling in the kitchen
bathroom exhausts installed
fix the siding
replace light fixtures
re quark the bathtub (is that how you spell/say it, the white stuff around the tub)
replace sub pump

in addition i'd like to repaint the house correctly and correctly organize the laundry room
replace the carpet and put up drywall in the addition

but first things first
the MUSTs on list must be dealt with first

this is about to cost a couple of Gs
THEN we need new furniture at least in our room
another couple of Gs

ALL for a house that i could take or leave
BUT I HAVE A FREAKING HOUSE!
that's the issue
i own a home
a small home but a home
an older home that wasn't taken care of initially
but a home none the less that has cared for up to 5 people at a time

so i need to just chalk it up and get these things done so that we can live comfortably
the good thing is if we have another baby its affordable
esp if D is going to be in private school
i just need to really take some time and down size in this house and get these things DONE

so i have made the appointments so that the estimates can begin
oh joy
oh bliss

by April this house WILL be in better shape and i will be happier living there!
here's to hoping