nap time

i am totally diggin the new template

its me its how i feel everything is swirling around bright colorful full of energy like art

but at the same time, there is a sense of peace to it

well that's how i feel...

we have had a busy morning....long walk this morning, i ran some errands than a trip to the vet then another walk and then we did some cleaning...well i did while she pretty much ran from the vac and did stuff she knew she had no business like jumping up on the couch...

i haven't starting sorting not one lick of clothes or a bag or a shoe and people are coming over this evening...

well i a definitely about to nap first...

real quick though

how about i thought about just how much i feel clean and clear in my skin and that was definitely a great feeling...

reallY???

so why do i come home to a house that smells like trash

NO worse than trash....

it smelled like DOG POO!

well let me back up...

we got home last night after running around and we hung outside for a little the whole nine

she didn't want to go in her crate but she did and although i don't think either one of us slept well being that it was a new situation for both of us

(side note she just dropped down to roll around on the rug)

so we got up this morning and went for a 20 min walk and she wee'd 3x and even poo'd so i am like ok good that means she is house broken and knows that she has to hold it

she already knows that the bedroom area is off limits she doesn't even test going in there and she doesn't do the kitchen

i let her walk around and chill while i got ready and then back in the crate she had to go

for the first time since i had gotten her she started barking!

my heart dropped to my feet and i immediately felt guilty....

once i got to work i told the three co-workers that own dogs what happened and they told me it was normaly and she just needed to get adjusted to the new enviroment and it would be ok

i asked my cousin to stop past and take her out because i had this bad bad bad did i say BAD feeling about her being alone for 11 hours out of the day alone...

and yep when i opened the door that BAD feeling smacked me slam in my face!

but here is the kicker i couldn't find it anywhere...of course upon further inspection of the crate she had taken the towel i gave her this morning with my scent to comfort her to cover it up - yea irony at its finest...

so once i got the stuff out the crate attempting get the poo outside the wind blows it on the front steps ( i know it just gets better and better)

she was avoiding me becasue she knew i was heated...but i was warned that there was going to be accidents and she needed to get on a schedule and she is in a new space so she nervous

so today was eventful....to say the least

be have been bonding this evening so i am hoping that she will become more comfortable and trusting with each other...

she isn't drinking anything and she only has eaten one milkbone

so tomorrow at 11 am i can't wait to get to the vet to get some insight for sho

so fresh, so clean

ain't nobody dope as me, im just so fresh so clean...i love when you stare at me im just so fresh so clean

BIG sistah so fresh so clean was my name back in the day...

CLASSIC

i have a new role

she's a little thing, just 3 1/2 and i am scared to death to pick her up today...

i hope that i have the confidence to take care of her the way that she needs to be taken care of

i already went on a frantic run to target last night in an attempt to prepare for her

i got the call out the blue last night at like 8:30 that she would be ready today to be picked up...

really???

i didn't even think i would get her

as much as i wanted her i didn't think i'd get her this was my 3rd attempt and so i didn't get my hopes up

i immediately texted my girl and was like what do i get, what should i do?

she gave me the list of necessities and then this morning i proceeded to set up her doctor's appointment for Friday and she is going to get done up Saturday morning...so i can drop her off for that and get me right and tight

now i have to think about insurance and what she will do during the day while i am at work...just stuff you know its crazy...will she adjust ok to her new environment, what to feed her she is still so little what is she allergic to what will she like and not like

my life is no longer my own i am now responsible for another living being and that's deep...i gotta get up and make sure she is taken care of first before i take care of myself or maybe i'll get me together first and then do her since she will still hopefully be still sleep

but then when i get off i need to make sure i go home and get her and stuff before i do anything else...

i have to make sure that i take a lot of time these next few weeks to really bond with her and get her used to my house rules and love on her

did i say i was scared out of my mind!

my co-worker asked me was i going through some sort of "mid life crisis" type of deal since i just got a new tattoo now a new baby and in the fall i am cutting all my hair off...

i was like nope just finally doing what i really want to do and enjoying myself for me who i am...

BIG lil sis said she is exactly what i need to love and to spoil...LOL

today at 6:30pm my life will completely be about someone other than me that i can't "take back"

so here it goes

all or nothing

me and Golden my cavachon!

i wish....

that i never met her at all...

remember that! Carl Thomas used to CRANK

what happened to music like that...why is it that every time i turn on the radio or the music video channel all i see is @ss and hear somebody singing about sexin you up or down...

how your skinny butt going to do anything? i mean really...

maybe its just me, but dag on can we get some soul, some funk, some spirit, songs about love...

oh that's right we got dudes like Slim thug and others talking about how black women can't love black men and need to lower our standards

CLEARLY I know plenty of sistahs who are MARRIED or in COMMITTED relationships with brothas and hold them down like there is no other

we don't have a problem treating a man like a king, holding him down, or none of that...however we arent going to let you lay on our couch and not contrbute...hell we would love to sit back and relax and let a man do what he can to take care of things...i am for one would have LOVED to not deal with interviewing window companies or worry about insulating the attic or my truck being washed or my yard being mowed and to have a partner...hell i'll cook, clean keep your draws clean all that...but i am black, i am high yella, but still black and i am not a size 2 or 6 and hair isn't all down my back...oh and i refuse to let you call me out my name oh and you at least gotta have goals, you could shuvle sh!t for a living as long as you are doing your best and love me and are faithful i am down...and you gotta believe in GOD but that's to much to ask...

BOY BYE get outta here

dudes like that get on my every lasting...but please believe there are more dudes like that out here than not...

and heres the reality with my career, my salary and me owning my own home its going to be even harder and not because i said so but because a dude will think i think i am all that...

again i'd personally like to relax and not have to think about this stuff all the day of my life have a partner in this life

I WOULD LOVE TO TRUST A MAN TO LEAD ME

but that's the issue...if you ain't got sense enough to lead yourself then how in the HELL can you expect me to let go and let you lead...

yes something the sistahs gotta work on but stop counting us completely out because we are driven and have had to be such...because we don't have the luxury of sitting around and waiting or laying on our backs to make it happen...

....oh yea this blog didn't even start off about this...

i am actually watching the Hip Hop Honors and how dope this joint is....

the music is hawt its dope how each area of the south has their own specific sound...

one day i hope that DC (DMV) will get out just due with our unique style and our deeply rooted ways of political think

anyways just found out i am getting my dog!!! wooohooooooo

guess what her name is: Golden

Hallejuah

.....but you care don't really care for music do you....it goes like this the 4th the 5th...

your faith was strong but you needed proof...

this song is one of my all times favs

my mind is running many a different ways right now...two people i love are going through it...but this blog is about me and not about talking about people's issues that don't directly affect me..

it makes me sad that i can't personally "fix it"

but what i can do is keep referring them to the Bible...

that's what i was reminded of in my Bible Study today that its not about what any of us personally thinks its about HIS will...building a relationship with HIM gaining knowledge that leads to wisdom and understanding and eventually peace...

it was an awesome session and it really helped me get myself back on track about focusing on what i need to focus on so that HE and i can connect and STAY connected...

i tend to think i have peace now, but in reality do i?

that was one of the questions that i asked today...i also was reminded that faith without works is dead...so that means you can't just have faith you gotta put in the work and that means learning and loving with all that you have...

dukey stick

ah now that the bridge is on this side of the boarder...why ya'll come ova here with us, walk the water.....we got this thing that full of tricks....we want to play for you we sing for you we want your hips to groove....

i got this magic....most of it will make you spread you wings....we want your mind to grow....

George Duke

CLASSIC

you can't even find that type of musicianship anymore

the horns

the bass

all of it is MUSIC

so here lately since its HAWT as who know what outside people have been acting a pure D fool out here in the DMV

makes me think of this song

you know badu said it best when she said "is it cold in your summer and hotter in the fall"

folks is out looking, scouting or just out to show what they working with

although the dude walking to the gas station in a hospital robe and slippers yesterday to get some cigs was an unusual moment...

i mean really homie

dude the more you get to know people the more i don't like people

that's not nice but some folks are just plain old mean and i don't have to fool with you...

i caught myself today with this dude sarcastic at work...dude puh leeze don't make me go on you...

but life is all good...i have thought about tweeting ONLY because i see such randomness all day long that makes me really want to comment on stuff...

ehhh i am so in revolt of modern technology, yet i still blog...hahahah

hey that's me always going against the trend

i am so cool with it....cool as a fan cat

get live.....

....cause you never knew live like this...get it out the bed its a beautiful day, put the tape in the tape deck and press play....

all my peoples got to stick together....

never, never, never....everybody getting down to this...

have you ever listened to the strange fruit project?

the fact that they named themselves after Billie Holiday's song "strange fruit" gave them dope points off the break...but the music itself is pretty dope

it took me going 1206 miles away to do a couple things i have been meaning to do

1. i finally got my "courage" tattoo on my left wrist...i didn't get "wisdom" on my right a. it was to damn painful and b. courage is what i need to keep on my left at all times...many people won't get it but for me its a daily reminder to always be courageous no matter what comes my way, i didn't get a symbol its actually spelled out and i LOVE IT

2. i finally saw "the hangover" CLASSIC movie indeed

3. i finally saw episodes of the boondocks...he holds no cut cards for anyone and i dig it

4. of course last but definitely not least i finally saw my precious little god daughter...she melted my heart she's so chill she doesn't fuss or cry to much or nothing unless she is hungry or tired other than that she is laughing and moving her mouth like she is talking and i know she really has something to say you can see it in her eyes and i love it

i had a good time doing much of nothing it was straight chill time mostly shopping, eating, chilling, get up do it again the next day...glad i know lil big sis well enough to know to pack as many chill outfits as cute outfits...

chilling HARD was exactly what i needed being around folks that i know love me AWAY from home was much needed DMV break fo sho...i got plenty of vitamin D from the TX sun and just had a great time...it was what your girl needed to keep her attitude positive and moving forward i hadn't been on a plane since august of last year...as much as i hate it the checking in the boarding the cramped seats the waiting for your luggage...i missed getting away...i went from going to a new city every 30 to 45 days to going NO WHERE for like 9 months...yea not good...

only thing is i never knew i could miss someone so little someone that can't even talk yet so fast...it won't be another 9 months before i get on a plane that's for sure...

it was good to be around a young black family, lil big sis, big d and baby d...they love each other unconditionally...they accept each other the good the bad and the ugly...they are extremely affectionate and in tune as a family...they aren't "perfect" but they are perfect in their imperfections....and the best part is they loved on me just as much as well...it was good for my spirit and my soul to be around such love and joy...

i told lil big sis, dude you living the "ameriKan dream" her response will stay with me forever

"i am not living the ameriKan dream i don't know who made that up, i don't have a white picket fence, i don't even want one, i am living my dream, making my rules, who says we have to do it 'their way'"

to which i said..."well alright"

i feel good...things are falling into place with regard to renovations for this house and its honestly pretty good...

and another lesson learned....

i HAVE THE COURAGE TO MAKE MY OWN RULES!

i AM MY OWN ameriKan DREAM

i DREAM

i LIVE

i LOVE

i AM

WILL BE

ME