Thursday, August 16, 2012

been a min...randomness

it's been almost two months since i've blogged
a lot has happened
some good
some bad
some indifferent
hospital stays tend to be bad, my stay was indifferent, you just don't get rest in the hospital
you need to come home to rest
the good was that it was cancer
the bad it's still graves
reality is that i am on heart medication and therefore have to learn to not stress

i find that laughable when planning a wedding and being under 60 days to Wday
i find that laughable when there is a 3 year old running around that needs love, care, and the very best, it's true the love and joy and heartbreak and pain are one in the same for a parent
i find that laughable when i work where i work and i do what i do
that means that i may need to consider a career change
which will mean that i will probably need to really re-up my resume

i need a job that will allow me to work from home on at least a day a week

i haven't sat in the dark on my bed with just me and the laptop lady and music in a while
and i am digging it

raheem devaughn is currently playing...his first two albums are still classic to me
with so much going on the dark with just the lil light
with all the health changes have come a lifestyle change
i don't eat red meat or pork, but not it seems that some seafoods are high in iodine and pretty much i don't need i am trying a lot of vegan options because i also don't eat anything containing lactose
with heart medication being added to the mix that means no more drinking no more cigars
not that i am a lush
but i do like my drank and my cigar
especially if i have a bad day...whelp that means i need to figure out how to deal with a bad day while watching my stress level

so i have found myself praying more and more...just talking and processing a lot in that quiet dwelling place
SN: weird to say that after talking about dranking

but the point is being raised in church and loving GOD doesn't mean that you fully or actively pursue a relationship with him...some years have been better than others some months, moments, but for the past month or so i have had no choice but to really dig deep, deeper than i have in a long time...not because i am sick but because i have to deal and you can't talk to people about what is going on with you
you can, but they got their own stuff, they have their own life, issues, whatever...
so i find myself in the house and when i get a quiet moment i take it...
that makes me feel better

i don't know...i am at peace but not really
way to much left to do
every day i try to do something else so that i can say ok that's done
it's just the little things you know


my bridal shower is coming up and i am excited about it
didn't think i would be
but the dress that one of my MOHs picked for me to wear has me excited
total 50s glam
it's going to be different and i am happy about that

i am now also a stan for the artist Daley...dude is dope...those who wait...

i need some more new good music something to help me soothe my soul
never take your health for granted something as simple as a heart that functions correctly
something like being able to walk without getting tired or short of breathe...

take your moments and take your place in this world

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