google me baby???

DUDE

so i just read an article about facebook and some computernerdwarms in the UK going on there and scrapping it...basically to prove a point that your information isn't safe on the interweb, especially if you leave your stuff public

now mind you i am no longer on facebook for various reasons, both personal and professional...but the article got me to thinking about what would come up if i googled myself...

so of course me being the nosey rosey person i am...

i did

and up pops up all these links...

i am still on linkdin since its more for professional purposes but i had myself as public that was changed IMMEDIATELY and i went back and checked and it said profile not available

a facebook link did come up (granted my name is pretty common there are a lot of TC's out there, there was one in fact that graduated the year before me at the same high school...so i get it) that one of course wasn't me...

then there was another sitie www.123people.com

you enter the person's name and city and state and then BAM here's the information...it even had my parents and my brother that i grew up with listed on the page WITH their ages and the places i have lived...the thing that tripped me out was that if you paid like $40 you could get all my information addresses etc, for $1 you could get my DOB and address like basics...but if you paid $60 you could run my credit and get any criminal information!

WTHECK is really hood son!

so my privacy is only worth $60! Are you serious?! I am going to buy it and see what the heck is included in this so called report...

i realize that its unreasonable for NONE of your information to come up but dude that's WAY to much...

i don't know people you might want to google yourself and see what comes up...better be educated and armed then not

hypocrisy???

So when did or does trying to live your life a certain type of way make you a hypocrite...
no one is perfect, everyone doesn't walk and no one will ever be able to walk or be perfect that's not what its about...but because i am taking steps like being determined to be abstinent (not just for the obvious biblical reasons, but let's just say for commonsense reasons...did you NOT get the latest STD and AIDS stats for this area...naw son i am good)

but because i said i want a husband whose head is Christ and i want to be the best wife i can be, but admittedly i will have to have pre-martial counseling to deal with the whole "submission" issue that right there says i know i have work to do...

but my view because i take a strong stance is full of hypocrisy...we do enough stuff daily not even thinking about it that is wrong, why purposely do something that isn't right...

this kept me up last night...praying because this isn't how a conversation with someone should be going on day 3...my mentor said it wouldn't be easy

i ended it with this:

I'm trying my best to be better & to do better every single day, and every single day I fail at it in some way shape or form, but I still try. That doesn't make me better than anyone else or worse, it makes me trying, falling short but still willing to try again tomorrow. I want someone that's going to help me be better, someone i can look to and help guide me, we guide and support each other, to be better in this life, that's it. That's the house I live in

7 days...

until i turn 30...
wow another decade around the corner
i am honestly REALLY looking forward to it..
i am at peace and i am content and happy...
life is good...
my parents come into town this weekend for 2 weeks...i am sure that after a week or so they will be ready to go and i will too...they are like the funniest people on the planet like seriously they need a reality show...

back to the point...
i never thought that i would be so ok with me and be so ok in my own skin as i am right now...
i am not 100% confident yet and i am still working on my list of things...but i am doing better with just being ok with who i am...

bible study is doing well and i am growing that relationship, the most important relationship...and i am understanding my responsibilities as a Christian more and more and really trying to apply certain concepts to my life...

its going to be constant repetition...

the house is good...next project this week is to fix the yard up before the folks come...i think when they see the house and they smile then i'll feel like goal accomplished...although i really am falling in love with my little piece of land...its cute...its colorful...its me...and the fact that i love it is all that matters...

yea me being ok with me is all that matters...

sangin

man these girls could sang! I wonder what happened to them...they were the first group put out by MJJ Music (that was Michael Jackson's label in the mid 90s)

i remember blasting their first CD in my room...

i miss the girl groups of the 90s....

you had to have talent you had to be able to sing i mean really SING!

what the freak happened to music...what happened to soul, stuff from the heart the ability to harmonize...what happened to hip hop...fly rhymes, social consciousness over a banging beat...today you got beats and NO substance...

i saw this video on VH1Soul the other day and got goose bumps...love this!

ok i have been up for 2 hour already cooked breakfast, cleaned about to hit the streets...too much to do too little time

oh i bought my 30th birthday gift for myself yesterday, the Motorola DROID...maybe some shoes and a dress next???? hmmmmm

we shall see

have a GREAT weekend people

oh ps why did GOLDEN have an attitude with me yesterday because she had to get a bath, she HATES (and yes that's a strong word but that's how she feels about them) bath time...she gets it once a week and that's when i wash her linens, yes she has linens...anyways...homedoggy, went in the room got on her bed and stayed there the rest of the evening...wouldn't be so strange if she wasn't normally my shadow...so yes dogs have feelings too...CLASSIC

and just because its a summer day and we could use good grooves

yes!!!!!

wow....i need to vent on this one

i now know why i have a freaking sinus infection

the dag on air filter is disgusting!

how in the HECK am I supposed to know that its supposed to be changed every 30, 60 or 90 days...come to find out that the one that's in there now is a 30 day filter!

WTHECK

I don't know what maintenance is needed for a house what i am supposed to do i am in this thing by myself with NO guidance what so ever! NONE absolutely NONE

and then i call my brother who pretty much offers no support I have no freaking clue what i am doing i lived in an apartment they took care of all that stuff

uuuuuggggggggggg why do i feel like i am totally over my head with this whole independent home owner thing...

i've said it before and i'll say it again ADULTHOOD IS OVERRATED!

another....

day another mile stone...

today marks a year i have been in this house...

ironically it also marks the house looking pretty "new new" with all white crisp bright new windows!

love them, love the way the house feels coooooooolllll as a fan cat...

and i might add that i am pretty pleased with the fact that i did it all by myself as a big girl...walked around the house checked the work all that...not like i knew what i was looking for but i know what looks right and what doesn't but the workers were GREAT and i only had a few comments...

one of the windows was cracked but the replacement as already been ordered...

just another day in the life of being an adult...definitely overrated...

sweet ni's 30th birthday weekend was the weekend as well, she had a ball!

we partied and we just got back from a great meal

i could dwell on the difference between this time last year and this year, but what would be the point...i am alive, i am good, my family and friends are good...

so life is pretty darn good...

this about sums it up...

i have been saying for the past ummmm 9 months or so that if you can't love me and accept me at my worse, then you dag on for sure don't deserve me at my best...

Just saw this quote (blkbutterfly keeps a fly quote) and this is ME

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

ok so i'm not that selfish but at times i definitely can be...i am just going to be honest...this is me

mini mind dump

so on the radio this morning as i drove into work to waste $20 on parking because the lady i need to see at the wells fargo won't be there so that means i just drop the document off, so that means i could have rode the metro and then drove over and dropped it off...

*sigh*
i forgot a friend's birthday, her 30th at that was yesterday...
*sigh*

so back to my main point...

on the way into work this morning the radio show main topic was "should there be an expiration date on marriage"

surprisingly a lot of people agreed that there should be...

some sighted that at the very least on that date you should come together and re-group to determine if you are still on the same page and should move forward or not...
others were all for an expiration date is just that its done
NEXT

this is EXACTLY why i told my mother just this past sunday i may never get married and have children

(although if at 35 if it hasn't happened I will adopt why not give a child a loving home...side note: in my mid 20s i asked one of my guy friends that if we weren't won't both married or didn't have kids we should have a child together...his response: someone already asked-CLASSIC. i am glad that was his response because i look back on that now what the HECK was i thinking, don't get me wrong he's a GREAT dude, i hope we are friends until the end, but i didn't need and don't need to be making babies like that...)

back to the point (thanks for hanging in there by the way as i ramble) what's the point in getting married if you are going to go into it with the thought that it can be over if things don't go your way...or that person is at their worse i mean come on its MARRIAGE not a boyfriend/girlfriend thang...you take VOWS before friends and family but most importantly TO GOD

RE COT DAG ON DICULOUS

that people think such ways...

that's why i get super excited and siced when people i know get married or better yet WORK to at their marriages!

people grow and change all the time

my grandparents grew up together and where together from the time my madea was 16 until my grandfather died in 2003...

DUDE that 63 YEARS!

my parents will be together for 40 years this December...now neither of these marriages have been smooth sailing i am SURE OF THAT but they believed in marriage and they worked at it...

my madea told me once "i knew your grandfather all his life and still didn't know him...people change and grow until they die"

if people just got that through their heads we could make marriages work...

even though J Lo isn't probably the best example of marriages given her record, but in her recent "behind the music" she spoke of how Marc Anthony chose to be better to love her how she needed to be loved and she in turn wanted to be better to love him as well...

that's love!

that right there is what its about growing to be better for the person and not yourself...

ok so this post became a post on marriage...didn't intend that especially since i am not married nor have i ever been or even engaged but geesh like my momma n em always tell me i have always been smart enough to grow and learn through others...

oh i got another great 90 day review on my way to that promotion so we shall see what happens still working on improving though but at this point i have NO need or ambition to be "in charge" on the "center of attention" i just want to do my job and go home...

oh and i still love you...sucks for me right

cLASSIC

i knew

that i was going to have some issues with buying the "family house"

but this is getting rediculous...

how you going to call and ask can you SELL the deep freezer? but you call mommy and not me...

do you NOT understand that when someone buys a house they buy the appliances if its an all inclusive contract...unless they opt to take the stuff with them...they didn't its mines...

what is wrong with people...

then i am told "don't let buying the house go to your head"

again what world do you live in...

that's it, i am OUT of there, period the end...i can't do this...

i am going to stay my required year but i am OUT period the end...i will rent the house out and that will be that...

i can't do this, buying this house is seriously a major regret in my life

i don't even care either way....

about any of this trade stuff...but this right here is a MUST WATCH

you got me changing my expressions...i don't express!

ARE YOU SERIOUS! CLASSIC!

olu

.....i am diggin sub soul right now

i haven't been really motivated to blog

there are things running through my head...i am sitting her curled up on the couch listening to the vibes of olu and nothing can really come into my head that's of substance...

the recent verdict in oakland evokes a lot of thoughts and emotions...it makes me want to pick up my Alice Walker or Assata Shakur books or even Sistah Souljah

i have also been listening to love songs lately...i've always listened to love songs though...

"love is life and life is FREE"

people tend to give up on love easily...i definitely know that i have, i'll suffer in silence before i let down all my guard admittedly something that i need to work on....

i was recently told that i should let someone "dust off my cobwebs"

really???

where does that even make since as a woman to have sex with someone just to have sex?

who still does that? i've never done that, but with the obvious as the HIV rate in this area let alone other STDs, what woman knowly sleeps with someone who she knows is not into having a relationship or children...

if that's something that i want to have one day, why would i waste time with someone i know doesn't...

*shrugs*

people don't get it and sometimes i think that they don't want to...plus its different when you're married i think you forget what its like to date or not...maybe not...

on another note i have been watching "the city" today

the owner of People's Republic...I LUV that lady...that's me in 20 years...she is really heartfelt and she really cares about her people but she takes absolutely NOTHING from NO ONE...and she speaks her mind....I really wish more people would be more honest like her...

i really like the whole "urban" professional thing but watching this type of constant always going and going, just watching it makes tired...LOL...

admittedly i am pretty boring and i like it...although i like to do stuff with friends like cookouts, dinners out, a show or two or three or just chill and go for walks...i am not a "scene" person...maybe now and then...but on the regular nah its a little overrated...

but next weekend i'll be on the scene for ni's 30th birthday bash and please believe its going to be CRAZY

i thought i wanted to have a HUGE party or something but i am cool...i'll be cool being cool..

i got my 3rd tattoo on monday..i like its location...its on the inner part of my right upper arm...does that make sense?

its a symbol for wisdom and a sun...i love it!

all of my art is black though i have nothing with color...i want something big on my back to represent my parents but that might be a bit much and i haven't had a "vision" of what i want it to be so until or unless i get that and become passionate about it i won't i mean its a permanent so i has to be something i want to look at for the rest of my life ya dig

i really don't have much to say

life is cool

i'm chillin and that's it

oh why does anyone really care where a self proclaimed King landed anyways...or better yet what would make a grown multi million/billion dollar owner write such a letter...i don't get it...he gave you 7 years to build a team around him to win a championship...clearly he gets that winning a championship is what being in the pros is all about...so why be mad? YES he could have gone about it in a different manner and his approach could have been better for the "fans" but let that man live...

we give professional athletes, etc WAY to much attention and credit...when will we care this much about the teacher of the year or the new activist that is out there doing grass roots to enlighten our people...

maybe not, not so much huh...well at least his "press conference" raised 2.5 milli for the boys and girls club that i dig...the rest of the hype not so much...

that's enough brain dumpin for one day right

peace

500

this will make the 500th post i have written since i started the blog journey in

June of 2006

4 years ago...

i have grown a LOT and amongst the growth i have experienced the greatest lesson that i have learned is that growth is the one thing that constant in this life and it NEVER stops...sometimes i have repeated already what was thought to be lessons learned. said things, been in situations, relationships and the like, that one would have thought i wouldn't do again, but alas sometimes it takes a lesson to learned a couple of times before its really learned

oh if real life were that easy...

when i hit 100, i wrote out a 100 maybe not so known things about myself...well i won't do that today, but i'll do a montage of things

here are 5 things i don't like about myself:

1. i can be WAY to sensitive at times about things and i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve

2. i am definitely my own worse jude and tormentor i can be extremely hard on myself

3. i give way to many people way to much credit and influence and need to learn to continue to trust myself

4. i tend to give and give and give and not let people give or do for me

5. i can be terribly insecure about not just the physical but everything

here are 5 things i LOVE about myself:

1. i don't conform or fit any ONE particular category of a person, place or thing...

2. i love my heart...i really do care a lot about people and want the best for them

3. that i love with all that i am when i do love no matter what

4. i enjoy myself, just me alone...i really can spend time with myself and be ok...i am a good loner

5. that i enjoy learning not just about history and life but about myself

here are 5 things i am working on about myself:

1. patience...i definitely need to learn patience

2. being organized...i am pretty good at keeping a schedule but organizing paper work and keep my clothes organized is a chore

3. growing more and more fearless

4. being secure in myself and my being, having confidence all the way through, not letting others opinions affect me

5. not taking things so personally...people are just that people, innately flawed, we all are...

its definitely been a ride and i think i am going to continue to keep it going its a good thing when you can look back at yourself and be honest about the good, the bad and the ugly, brush your shoulders off and keep moving forward so that you can have the best possible life and live the best possible life you know how to...

regardless of life's ups and downs, i am definitely in a good place in my life.

i have an inner PEACE and a quite JOY and that's a beautiful feeling

i saw this quote the other day and it just stood out and spoke to me as something to continue to keep by my side (such as courage) credit to blkbutterfly

"I don’t have to be a symbol to anybody; I don’t have to be a first to anybody. I don’t have to be an imitation of a white woman that Hollywood sort of hoped I’d become. I’m me, and I’m like nobody else.” - Lena Horne

this is ME, i am unlike any of my friends or family i am ME and its ok being ME

its really OK