time after time....

by Cyndi Lauper is one of my FAVORITE songs EVER!

i love this song....lil Mo did a version of this song that rocks as well...i sing this song at the top of my lungs! the VERY top

erykah badu's new album drops tomorrow...it ROCKS i heard...

her new video seems to be causing some "controversy"

it has a "evolutionary/revolutionary" meaning...sure maybe she could have done it in another way...but then why be like the masses...do your thang Erykah...its not in the same vain as regular booty shaking vids...it is what it is...

some will get it, some won't...and truth be told none of REALLY know the total meaning behind it because she, the artist, will be the only person that gets it...but isn't that what most art does, cause a debate and is left up to the interpretation of those who chose to view it...because it is a choice if you watch the video or not...

i did her quote at the end though:

"They who play it safe are quick to assassinate what they don't understand. They move in packs, ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another"

People do hate on each other and we don't uplift we tear down and its really sad and we DEFINITELY don't take to those who don't look like the masses...those who don't fit societies idea of beauty or intellect or artistry...anyone loving or living outside the "box" is wrong...i get that

its just like the blog that i read today that stated that black women who are considered overweight will have a harder time dating...

or the many articles that say the more educated you are the harder it is for a person to find a mate

or those who don't fall into the preconceived notion of what "beauty" is

its definitely a harder road to travel when you aren't in the mold of what others think, feel or believe that you should be...

but life keeps moving forward you know...and i think that despite what others think, what anyone ever thinks you just have to be secure in who you are

i have a homeboy, who i saw this weekend and spent some time with...and the one thing that i realize about him is that he is who he is and he's ALWAYS been that way...this dude is built to play football but he's always been a theater geek but he's ALWAYS been ok with being that guy...

he never tried to be anything other then HIM and he makes NO apologies for who he is...either you like him and roll with him and respect him or you don't...he's smart, extremely smart, down to earth totally into music, one of the funniest people you'll ever meet...

he's just a cool dude...but not in terms of what society may "deem" to be cool...

he is who HE is and i was like wow...i love it!

and although i am ME and i dig myself...i don't think or i know rather that i don't dig myself as much as he digs himself (and not in an arrogant way, he's a VERY humble dude)...

so that's what i 'm striving for to just be me, either you like, love me for who i am...my revolutionary, outside of the box thinking, music loving, around the way loud, lady who can hang with the best or the worst of them, who loves kids and just wants to see everyone evolve to another level the next level in life...

an onion...full of a multitude of layers

i guess this is what reflection is all about...as i make that slow walk to the next decade of my life i am walking into my womanhood...

well alright

searching....

i love the Roy Ayers version of this song...
the original...

of course i LOVE the Erykah Badu live version as well...

speaking of which her album drops next week...

i ordered Monica's new CD and the new unreleased Jimmy Hendrix CD...i got my uncle one too he put me on to the Hendrix...he actually bummed around Europe after high school and was a "rock n roller"

i wish i would have been that brave to take some time and just explore the world before "adulthood" really kicked in...my father would've FLIPPED OUT had i tried to do something like that...but still the idea of gaining life knowledge and experiences man that would be awesome

i guess i'll just have to do it in my golden years becasue GOD didn't make this world as beautiful as it is for us not to explore as much of it as we can...

i wish my dad got that idea and really wanted to get to know the world like i do...that way him and my mom would go...

well i finally got them to go on another cruise! yay!

i might take my lil nephew with me because him is the bomb...he would love to go on a cruise...i told him when he turns 10 in 4 years he and i are going to Disney or on the Disney cruise and if his parents got the money they can come if not we'll holla...he was like OK...

he's the coolest dude on the planet

i love my new primary care dr...she's a young Black female and she takes her times she listens! i love it! i did have to get on a low dose bp pill but we are going to work to get off of this thing...i am going to stay focused on my lifestyle change...

you know i have noticed that music has been my titles here lately...i guess because i write these while normally listening to music!

now outkast's "hey ya" is on and i am shaking it like a polaroid picture at my desk...CLASSIC!

ok

i am

scared

so i have been hiding a little secret from the blog world

side note: i wonder sometimes if there is anyone out there in the blog world anymore...

my blood pressure has been extremely high i keep getting migrains and now i am having shortness of breath sooooooooooo

now i have to go back to the doctor's today to get the results of my blood work and the CT scan that was done on my brain...

CLEARLY i was trying to one avoid going and 2 avoid going today because i would have to take off of work...

but my aunt the MD told me that its best that i go...she wants me on meds but i am hoping i don't have to get on anything...we shall see what happens...

i am only 29!!!!!

Geesh life!

oh but i am in the meantime taking the steps with my healthy eating and exercising and just general life style change

we shall see

let me know....

that's the jon b song i am listening to right now

this song ROCKS!

i haven't heard this in a minute...this is how i want a guy to feel about me...

i actually hung out with someone of the opposite sex over the weekend...

i know i was shocked as well...

i was in the midst of a "me day" that totally included going to SUPER wal to the mart! I love that place...its like 40 minutes from my house but totally worth the ride...its like everything IN ONE PLACE now only if Target would go super we'd be in BIDNESS!

it was cool to be around someone that was nice fun and a gentlemen...

here's the thing...and my homie E broke this down for me today...i am on a particular lane in my life or road so to speak

house
car paid off
career
family
friends
community engagement
finding a church

i got a lot material wise and i got a lot of love (even though my family can be special and i do mean SPECIAL at times) i have a LOT OF LOVE

BUT

i don't have someone to call my own and at this point in my life i am not interested in dating just to date or being with someone to just pass the time...i am not desperate so i don't want or need a "piece of man either" and i am in no need of a belly bumping buddy either...

i want a life partner someone i am going to build a relationship with...that's what i want...

and until that happens i'll be chilling i am not dating just to date plus i can hang out with myself or my family or friends for all that...geesh...

but i will say this i definitely enjoyed being treated like the lil lady i am :)

what can be higher than this...

you ever listen to that song by Ledisi???

that song is the PERFECT way to start off a day especially a Monday...its a GREAT reminder of where your TRUE love comes from and power peace comes from...

I am up and at em early on a Monday morning...been at work since 6:30...won't be off until 5:30 i should get a lot done today right???

let's surely hope so...

soooooo man my past post have been nothing short of just depressing right...Geesh...

but hey that's how i was feeling at the time and i make no apologies for that, if one thing is for sure i am who i am and i feel how i feel...

it tis what it tis...

my god-daughter was born on March 11th! She is perfect absolutely perfect

lil BIG sis did a GREAT job...

you know i love being around people that show me that there is always hope...GOD always seems to place folks around us to show us that there is always hope...

i was talking to a woman that's been in my life since i was like 14, she's 10 years older than me, that makes her 39 and she's 5 months pregnant! She got married i want to say like 18 months ago and she and i were talking and she was telling me how she never thought she would get married but she is married to the love of her life and she is soooo happy...

that made me smile inside out not only because i am happy for her but because again there is always a whisper of hope if you just take the time to open you eyes to see and your heart to listen...

i also went to see Kirby Lane this weekend and live soul music and spoken also puts me in good spirits...
and i hung out with my cuzzo, my homegurl J and saw my family from VA even for a brief moment...

so as i start this week off i start it off with a smile on my face and joy in my heart...

so i am finally seeing TC again

woohooooo bout time right!

waiting on you...till...

I've been up, I've been down

Been looking for some joy to come around

I been praying for some sunshine

Been looking for a love

That I could call mine

See I cried for so long

Now I'm ready for the tears to be gone

So , I'm calling you right now

Cause you said that I could make it

Lord anyhow

So I'm gonna wait (On you)

Cause I know that you're gonna bring

(Me through)

I know you're gonna make (Me strong)

Cause deliverance is coming and

(It won't be long)

The storm is gonna pass (Away)

I beleive it's gonna be

(A brighter day)

I can finally see ( The sun)

So I waiting on till

(Thy kingdom come)

This world could be cold

And I can feel the hurting

In my soul

But the pain it won't last long

Cause I know that you're gonna make me strong

Just take it from me

One day we're gonna be free

Weeping may endure for night

But the lord said it's gonna be alright

So I'm gonna wait (on you)

Cause I know that you're gonna bring

(me through)

I know you're gonna make (me strong)

Cause deliverance is coming and

(it won't be long)

The storms gonna pass (away)

I believe it's gonna be

( A brighter day)

I can finally see (the sun)

So I'm waiting on you till

(thy kingdom come)

Lyrics to Kingdom Come by Jill Scott and Kirk Franklin

this is currently my THEME song for the moment if i have to listen to this song every day all day to get me to feeling like i know i need to be feeling to get back to my source to me...

its a feeling that i can't even put into words to feel weak not strong which is what i am used to

to feeling like i haven't accomplished anything and i am not living in my purpose when folks around me are like i got it going on i can't see it though and that's what matter is that I see

I NEED TO SEE IT!

... i know this too shall pass