been a while

since i posted something

i think i haven't posted anything because i haven't really been motivated i was really trying to get through the first few months in class and then get through working before i did anything

one of my homegirls sent my an email during my time of trials and told me that sometimes she can't even fully get through my blogs because they can be so depressing...well dag on

but the reality is that the past 6 months have been pressing and trying to say the least but i have learned a grown a lot during that period of my life

i look back on how much i have grown as a person and i can say wow i have grown i definitely believe in myself and in GOD more than ever because I can see how he works in everyday life

i think that's the key to faith or belief is when you can sit back and see everything for what it really is and know that in the end everything will be ok..

i still have my moments when i really miss my parents and him as well...but i know that they are better off being down south and i also take comfort in knowing that the person that is for me will be for me...i still think about him a lot and think about the times we share and i'll crack a little smile to myself when i think about how he made me feel but i also know that i'll feel even more when "he" comes for me

in the meantime i have come to understand that the person that i need to concentrate on is me...i know it doesn't take years or even a year for you to KNOW that person is for you...one of my girls is engaged and she started dating her husband to be at the same time me and he start dating...it definitely doesn't mean that i will be all mid-30s and still single but even if i am, you know i'll be ok...

i am in a good place financially, i have a home i have a lot going for me i love my new position there is a lot of room for growth and the ability to learn and i have so many people around me that love me and want to see me do well and that ROCKS like i can't even describe how awesome it is to know that no matter what people around you really love you and want to see you do well...

one thing that i am learning too is that only YOU can make you happy...we say it all the time but we really have to believe it and understand just how much our attitude affects our altitude

initally i was extremely hurt and upset by things not working out but as time goes on i realize that i appreciate him walking away if he wasn't ready for a long term committment then there wasn't any point in wasting time especially when at this point in my life wasting time isn't something that i want to do...i want someone to know like i know and want to work on it...relationships are hard work and i don't think that many of us really realize just how hard it can be or just how much you have to give of yourself...i can honestly say that being alone for so long as i have been and depending on just me kept me closed off from allowing myself to open and ready so maybe i too wasn't as ready for love as i thought...another lesson learned another thing to learn from in 2009

many times we are the ones that get in our own way focusing on the negative things that are happening in our lives instead of being focused on the blessings

like for example i got a text from a friend of mines her and her husband are looking to adopt a family that has been affected by the recession and it hit me, i am not one of those people. in a time when people are losing jobs and trying to find jobs and making ends meet, i am actually ahead of game just got a new job and about to be a home owner i mean i have a lot going on for me...like it just hit me like dag girl do you know just how blessed i am and i am!

do i have moments of lonliness and thoughts of things but i am in a good place right now and that's a blessing

i also know that 2009 has been rough for me but its been a rough year for a lot of people, but i know that the blessings are coming becasue sometimes you got hit the bottom in order to appreciate the top

2010 is going to be a good year because my attitude will reflect such...

my heart and soul are coming back stronger and better than ever