I am ready for the new year....

2010!

yes in deedy people i am sooooo ready for the new year...

i thought that i was going to have this deep reflective post...

but i don't...

all i know is that i am happy, i am very happy

i just got the news that i qualify for my mortgage loan! What better news to start off the new year with than the fact that by myself i qualify for the loan and the lender that i am working with is on her business she told me she didn't want to lock in my rate today because holidays and the end of the week are the worse times to do so, so we are going to lock it in the beginning of next week...see that's what i am talking about someone who is going to look out for me...that's why i am a TRUE proponent of referrals...she is a friend of one of my colleagues

i just bought a new rug and some throw pillows for my living room and got a lot of stuff hug up so now the house actually looks like a home and not just a place to live...best of all the house doesn't look like my parents house it looks like MY house!

rock on

i am also at peace with being single...i have had two interesting conversations the last two days back to back with wonderful women at my job and both of them said to me that my time is coming because of where i am at in my life and in my spirit that my true time is coming and just keep doing what i am doing and getting myself together

so that's what i am going to be doing

i have a goal of losing 30lbs before my 30th birthday

i really want to focus and do well with my new position and taking that seriously and doing well...

and spiritually making sure that i keep my focus where it needs to be and living my life right

amazingly i have survived all of these different changes some good some bad

my homeboy said to me

"so 2009 was like a Mary J album for you huh...seems like you came out the other end stronger"

and i think i'll end it with that...i think 2010 will be like new Mary

snow day

this past weekend the DMV got hit with major snow...

so i made it a point to unpack the rest of my things (i only have 2 boxes left and i will be fixing up the second bedroom in the spring)

i really enjoyed it i felt accomplished like ok i really got some things done that i really needed to get done so that i can keep moving forward with my life...

i even cooked both saturday and sunday...sunday i threw down i had smothered chicken breasts, yellow rice, spinach and some biscuts!

the girl can cook i just have to be motivated to do so...

my brother had my cooking for the first time, and i definitely believe that he was in shock that my food was so good...in his mind i really think he thinks i am still 16...its cool though we are both learning each other so it is what it is...point is now he knows i can burn and burn good!

i had been doing really well with feeling good and feeling excited but now that the holiday is on friday i feel so blah...i know that once this first year being without my parental units is over that next year it will be better...i also know that i was anticipating not being single so that's a bit of a bummer but it is what it is...

i am going to go and get my eyebrows and hair done today in the hopes that i will feel much better about myself...because right now i am just blah

not heavy but just a little sad...not as sad as i was on thanksgiving though...

anyways...enough about that stuff...

some people i know now have lists for 2010...i don't have any lists of things that i want to do, but i know that i want to live my BEST life in 2010 so that's what i am going to do...

i am going to eat right, exercise, work hard and play just as hard!

i definitely just want to be the best TC i can be...

i think i am going to take some time to reflect over the next week or so and really get myself aligned for the new year...

i have plenty of love and plenty of people around me that are doing well and doing positive and for the most part, that's what i tend to focus on...

but Christmas will definitely be a little different without the early morning hug from my mom & dad...

Happy Holidays folks!

Random thoughts

day by day things get better...

i am cool

still tired though i don't know why i don't have any energy but i don't and i am tired i think i have a sinus infection but i'll be alright...

you know what shows i am loving right now, "say yes to the dress" "the cake boss" "amazing wedding cakes" and this other show where the guy takes the wedding and changes it all around in like 3 weeks but i can't think of the name...TLC rocks!

when i was sick with the flu i stayed at home and watched nothing but TLC and WEtv for the Golden Girls...i don't care what anyone says the golden girls are CLASSIC!

I finally went back to Kiamsha on Monday there are like at least HALF of the group new students and i love it, new young people to get to know new challenges new chances to help a young person make a change for the better in there life...

yes, slowly i am getting my mojo back...

i had a random conversation with a guy in Target this past weekend...i was looking for a CD and he helped me find it, he introduced himself and even told me I "look cute today"...he was nice, handsome, tall, the whole nine...NOTHING came of it and nothing needed to other than me being reassured that there are some nice gentlemen out here...and that in and of itself made me smile

i am not ready to date, talk to anyone, none of that kind of thing...i am just going to keep concentrating on me and getting my life right

i am going to spend the holiday with one of my closets friends/lil big sis who is coming up from Houston and then i am going to spend the day itself with my brothers and my sister-in-law and her sisters and my nephews that will be nice...i really enjoy them but haven't gone to see them in a minute (well the one brother lives with me) so we'll be loud and funny and get into it and then be loud and funny again...it will be a good holiday

thanksgiving was rough, first holiday without the parental units and i missed them some kind of aweful so getting away will be good! i'll still miss them though

whoever said adulthood was the bomb LIED it sucks and it can kick rocks! it has its moments but the real world can kick your butt at times, and its like you can't have it ALL at once...either you have the career but no life, money but your are paranoid, love jacked up job...like why can't we just have it all? am i wrong because i want it all? because i feel like i deserve it all?

ah yes patience...lessons learned...growing up....growing as a person...LIFE

so can 2009 by the way...although i have progressed tremendously over the past year in terms of my professional life/career and financially, personally a lot of my relationships have either suffered or ended or simply folks moved away or moved on...and that sucks majorly...

but like the TD Jakes message stated "if people want to walk out of your life let them walk"
TRUE statement i mean how real can you get that's as real as you can get because why pray or beg or plead for someone to stay around in your life if that's not what they want to do...

i think the following quote sums it all up best and its what i am feeling like these days...i am not perfect but i know that and i am willing to look in the mirror face my flaws and keep moving forward and try my best to be my best in all aspects...and the person for me will be for me...

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." ~Juno

music

one thing still remains the same for me and that is MUSIC (and fashion but i won't go there right now)

music is and will always be the ONE thing that can keep my focused and give me peace...

so here are some old and new tracks that make me smile a little bit in my heart or simply make me get up and dance




Shake your thang

Try sleeping with a broke heart

been a while

since i posted something

i think i haven't posted anything because i haven't really been motivated i was really trying to get through the first few months in class and then get through working before i did anything

one of my homegirls sent my an email during my time of trials and told me that sometimes she can't even fully get through my blogs because they can be so depressing...well dag on

but the reality is that the past 6 months have been pressing and trying to say the least but i have learned a grown a lot during that period of my life

i look back on how much i have grown as a person and i can say wow i have grown i definitely believe in myself and in GOD more than ever because I can see how he works in everyday life

i think that's the key to faith or belief is when you can sit back and see everything for what it really is and know that in the end everything will be ok..

i still have my moments when i really miss my parents and him as well...but i know that they are better off being down south and i also take comfort in knowing that the person that is for me will be for me...i still think about him a lot and think about the times we share and i'll crack a little smile to myself when i think about how he made me feel but i also know that i'll feel even more when "he" comes for me

in the meantime i have come to understand that the person that i need to concentrate on is me...i know it doesn't take years or even a year for you to KNOW that person is for you...one of my girls is engaged and she started dating her husband to be at the same time me and he start dating...it definitely doesn't mean that i will be all mid-30s and still single but even if i am, you know i'll be ok...

i am in a good place financially, i have a home i have a lot going for me i love my new position there is a lot of room for growth and the ability to learn and i have so many people around me that love me and want to see me do well and that ROCKS like i can't even describe how awesome it is to know that no matter what people around you really love you and want to see you do well...

one thing that i am learning too is that only YOU can make you happy...we say it all the time but we really have to believe it and understand just how much our attitude affects our altitude

initally i was extremely hurt and upset by things not working out but as time goes on i realize that i appreciate him walking away if he wasn't ready for a long term committment then there wasn't any point in wasting time especially when at this point in my life wasting time isn't something that i want to do...i want someone to know like i know and want to work on it...relationships are hard work and i don't think that many of us really realize just how hard it can be or just how much you have to give of yourself...i can honestly say that being alone for so long as i have been and depending on just me kept me closed off from allowing myself to open and ready so maybe i too wasn't as ready for love as i thought...another lesson learned another thing to learn from in 2009

many times we are the ones that get in our own way focusing on the negative things that are happening in our lives instead of being focused on the blessings

like for example i got a text from a friend of mines her and her husband are looking to adopt a family that has been affected by the recession and it hit me, i am not one of those people. in a time when people are losing jobs and trying to find jobs and making ends meet, i am actually ahead of game just got a new job and about to be a home owner i mean i have a lot going on for me...like it just hit me like dag girl do you know just how blessed i am and i am!

do i have moments of lonliness and thoughts of things but i am in a good place right now and that's a blessing

i also know that 2009 has been rough for me but its been a rough year for a lot of people, but i know that the blessings are coming becasue sometimes you got hit the bottom in order to appreciate the top

2010 is going to be a good year because my attitude will reflect such...

my heart and soul are coming back stronger and better than ever