Friday, February 20, 2009

we interrupt the peace for -rAndomneSS

i have been wanting to blog for a couple of days now but my schedule just hasn't allowed for it...

all i can say is in short: life is good
long of it: i have been waiting on a year like 2009 for a LONG time...

for the first time in my life i feel really DRIVEN all the way around...i have been given a GREAT opportunity and i am taking it and running with it...like everything is just falling into place, housing, money, my debt being eliminated PERIOD all of those external things check check check...

now i have turned my focus on making sure i am straight physically, mentally, emotionally...and that's really been my focus to really take for ME every single day to do something that is in my benefit and to enjoy myself...you know that's really what its all about

so in the spirit of taking care of myself i have realized a lot of things, and one of those things is that you can't be friends with everybody, especially those who want to be something more...so i made it known, we aren't meant to be, we aren't friends we aren't even cool...and honestly i tried because he was/is a good dude but its not for me...you know...i am pretty such i am all kinds of whatevers but i am dead serious...and here is the thing i wish a few people had been that honest with me...part of what it was when he started to try to "throw" materialistic things in my face, like "i'll just drop your stuff off at the rental office" every time i said something to get him to back off...and my response was you can take it and stick...dude materialistic stuff doesn't move me...

see what i have come to learn is there is a fine line between concern and crazy...seriously...people mask concern all the time as a means to control, or try to control what you are doing where you are going who you are with, all that...boi stop!!!

when someone isn't stable, isn't happy within themselves you have to SEE the RED FLAG and back away...been there done that not going down that road again...

but of course when you as a woman stand up for yourself you are a....again whatever...see because here is the lesson, control, verbal violence, all that leads to the physical, it never starts off as IN YOUR FACE it starts really small and in little statements in little things with what are you wearing that for, why are you going out that late-you know i don't want you out by yourself that late at night...before you know you you have changed your entire life to make someone ELSE happy and you are being controlled and you don't even know it...you do but you don't...its easy to just get caught up in the promises the lies and all of that...especially when YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT...and you can't even see you aren't even getting the basics of what you need...

here is something interesting...i am not focused on kids, marriage or any of that anymore...don't get me wrong when he comes my way i'll be happy and ready but that's the key word: READY i have to be ready for the great things that come into my life and that starts with me just being happy with me, making peace with me flaws and all and being like you know what...i love me period the end...

so again the long of it...i am making moves and i am not letting anyone stand in my way...so if you can't as beans would say..."get down or lay down" get out my way

4 comments:

Blu Jewel said...

Good for you T.C! I'm always pleased when a woman DOESNT focus on what she's "supposed" to be doing at a certain point in her life.

Focusing on self as in growth, maturity, understanding, security, etc is far more important than filling the status quo.

I think you're on an amazing journey and I'm happy to read about it.

Love to live; live to love!

PreciousGem-Refinement in Progress said...

You are always so encouraging. You are doing what's difficult for most people TAKING CONTROL! I like this. I've decided to really guard my heart to a lot of things as well.

T.C. said...

Blu-its a constant journey every time i think i "got it" i realize i don't, but its okay because at the end of the day...i am really at a peaceful happy place...i haven't been here before and so i am just embracing it...i am happy but the drama and unnecessary things of life, i don't go there and don't do it...period the end..

P-you know you are inpsiring to me...i know that's why i know i am blessed to totally be in your outer circle right now...one thing i have learned over the last 6 or 7 months or so is to do what's best for ME...not to settle not to worry about what someone may "think" about me...because as long as i am truthful and honest it is what it is...and the ONE PERSON i must always protect and love no matter what is ME because the reality is at the end of the day, right now at this point in my life, all i got is ME...we gonna make it sis!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

not get down or lay down..but on the real if we dont make ourselves happy cvant do such for another