feelin quit rAdomneSS

yea so pretty much i don't have patience...i know seems like i have it for other people or with a lot of aspects in my life but in certain aspects i really don't have the patience...

NOW patience is proving fruital and worth while, even at my job where five months ago i wouldn't have though i was doing well but now i see that i am and its evident and all of that...but other areas i am not patient...which causes me to be frustrated and in that frustration i tend to shut down....do i opertate just as me or as us, what the hell is this back and forth, future no future, take time, move at my own pace....ugggggggggggg its so friggin frustrating to just be patient or to just wait and see and then when i say what i am feeling i get looked at like i have about five heads which truly does suck!

you know what else bits-the friggin CW network...i still can't believe that they just up and canceled Girlfriends and are now moving The Game and Everybody Hates Chris to Friday nights next fall (didn't know that did you) well they are...and in order for the Game to stay on the air they had to take a lot of cuts just to keep the hot show going...i guess its not just the CW i don't like i just don't like that there aren't any shows with people of color as the main characters anymore...no more Cosby Show, A Different World, Fresh Prince of Bel Air...George Lopez show...Girlfriends, All of Us, Martin...Steve Harvey Show, Bernie Mac Show, In living Color...

those were CLASSICS you hear me! but i don't see us on tv like that anymore and it makes me sad...sure we have some supporting roles but nothing just miniorities as the main characters...

let's see...oh yea today is my Friday and i won't be in this camp until Tuesday of next week...HELLO!

i am moving closer and closer to making a HUGE purchase in the fall...so stay tuned for that...

you know what makes me really sad is the fact that i pass the same homeless individuals everyday...and when i have it extra to give i do, but with the way that things are going and as much as gas costs and to get back and forth to work via the Metro...i am literally one paycheck away myself...like seriously i am so blessed but it makes me sad that even in my blessings i can't help others like i would really like to

5 Kiamsha seniors graduating this year and 4 of them have been there for all 4 years of high school...like this is my group...i KNOW imma cry like a thosand tears at their end of the year program its going to be really hard its even harder for me because i haven't been there that much because of work this year..even though the proving myself hear is paying off it hurt me in other aspects of my life especially with the youth and that sucks and makes me wonder was it worth it...but i gotta make a name for myself right...

that leads me to this conflict that i have internally...like i want a phd, (still not telling you my topic) but then again i might not mind getting a jd/msw...i don't really care about working for a 6 figure salary i really mainly want to work to make a difference, and we all know that working to make a difference normally pays the bills doesn't make you rich...i just want to teach, empower, encourage folks...which by the way i seem to be good at doing...encouraging others, BUT i don't seem to be that good at encouraging myself...go figure right...i guess i am cool in my current job but at the same time, i know i want more, but i just don't know how to go about getting more..

i don't know people...i guess that's why i am can honestly say i am feeling quit rAdomneSS right now...

have a GREAT weekend...

peace & love