the stats

...what is it?

marriage

for who, all those people that they keep doing these studies on...and it has more to do with money than spiritual reasons

so i sat and talked with two couples this weekend

both couples together for about 10 years, both couples have kids, both couples live in ONE home

and he is just as involved with his kids and she is...they are in love and WANT to be married...so then the question becomes, well why don't they just get married...

the answer: they can't afford it

a lot of young women live in homes where they receive assistance, he works, she works, but still with child care costs, etc, they can't afford to be married and lose the assistance

so what does that mean, well that means in society eyes they children belong to a single parent home, regardless that there are both parents are raising their kids and not just sitting in the house doing nothing but truly contributing to their families

further more these men are IN love with their women and are committed to them

I say all of that to say, the judgement that society and we can place on people can sometimes be overwhelming so before we assume that these studies or what we think (not know) is correct we should have conversations first

DISCLAIMER: this is not a religious debate blog, i personally prefer to be married and let it all work itself out, HOWEVER, i am also financially dependant and everyone is not afforded that opportunity...FURTHERMORE, both couples know the biblical stance, this is a post strictly about the financial aspects facing a lot of couples

sense of humor

that's what HE the man that really and truly RUNS the world

HE has a sense of humor

the very next night, after a rant, i am sitting here and i can't even imagine myself without him

he's in the ER

i am 2 hours away from him TWO

its definitely something that could be MAJOR...

he's waiting to have a scan done...

he's got an IV in his arm

i am TWO hours away...

i can't get to him RIGHT NOW

i can't move

i can't imagine life without him

i was just complaining about adulthood and NOT being ready and now i am more ready that i have ever been

i take it back...i take it all back

this is real life

P just said this: True Love = loving in spite of not because of...

adutlhood

let me first start by saying that word right there^^^up there
the title of this blog...

OVERRATED

ok so what you are saying to me is that i have to get up everyday, EVERYSINGLEDAY and go to the SAME place and do the SAME thing with the SAME people

and even if i do get another job, i will once again do the SAME THING and that the ONLY time you get to do what you truly LOVE means you won't make the money you NEED to make because of the BILLS you have mad because of that well paying job you got thinking it would be a career

OVERRATED

then you fall in love and you are supposed to get married and have a kid or two (because the economy and daycare costs and add that my mommanem done moved down souffs you can't have three) means you have to deal with not just your hubby, your kid(s) but they family too, and as much as folks say or want to think that we got the BEST family in the world, we all seem to fall short of the Huxtables, some WAYYYYY shorter than others...THEN you gotta love these people unconditionally (you know the dude you married and that baby you wanted so bad) EVEN when they plucking you ever lasting nerve that's left OR when you just want to be left the HELL alone...they still there...always still RIGHT THERE for 40-50 years...

maybe not as overrated but definitely NOT WHAT THEY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE

then you gotta pay these things called BILLS (and until you get married you gotta do that ALONE) and you are still broke...regardless it seems like something ALWAYS comes up, its not whatif, its WHEN...you get taxed out the youknowwhat...(can we say double digits already this year, so my salary is NOTHING) so that makes you WANT to get married or have a "livein" because let's see two is better than ONE esp when it comes to the monies...

Hey i said it...you might not want to but...at least that's how IFEELRIGHTNOW

did i say by now at this age my grandmanem think my eggs are about to dry up and run away...and all your friends that are younger keep saying they need to be married and have kids BY my age...and all i keep think about is how i am STILL NOT READY for a kid (another kid, i have a kid, but only part time because he lives with his dad and i haven't adopted him as of yet) and when i do have a kid that's my TWO so he needs to be 1 out of diaper AND out of daycare before i even THINK about another kid becuase he is about to cost $992 a MONTH for school ALONE...one kid, one of my co-workers pays OVER $1700 a MONTH for her ONE child...then let's add the diapers, the clothes, the shoes, the time, the energy, the drama with your mommanem telling you what THEY want you to do...yea...i need another FO (as in 4) years before i am in the house and where i want to be financially before i even THINK about having anotherbaby

so right now with dollars and cents....another kid right now OVERRATED

because the reality is we (me and the he) are going to see the WTT concert in AC this weekend, and I can't get a new fit (as in outfit) i can barely get my huurrr and nails did (as in make a hair appointment and get a mani/pani) and FORGET staying overnight who will have the energy, who can we find to babysit OVERNIGHT and who got the money for the hotel!

yea so even with seeing or having that light of sunshine at the end of the tunnel of a week of work at a place that is nothing more than a job (because let's face it a career is something you LOVE doing day in and day out, ie work for yourself doing what you want to do) and pay the rest of my mid month bills i am still dreading the drive, the cost, and the look

so by the way did i tell you that some times (not all) but A LOTof times

ADULTHOOD IS OVERRATED

need

i need to blog

i really need to blog

there is a lot going on with me but i don't know where to begin

hopefully i'll be able to have some time this weekend to do a MAJOR brain dumb...

hopefully i'll want to

until laters

love ballad

that's what is rocking in my ears right now

i love this song...it fits so much of my life...

its been a crazy 3 weeks, full of a lot of hurt and disappointment for those around me

my homie lost his girlfriend in a fatal accident on 95, she had just turned 29 the weekend before and that next friday/saturday morning she was gone...

what do you say to someone who just lost the person he finally thought was "the person" and just like that they are gone...

she was 29

i think we as people sometimes focus on things and the perfect plan of what we "think" our life should be and a lot of times its too late to say what you wanted to say, to do what you wanted to do based on what we think is right

he loved her, he didn't tell her...because it was "too soon" and now she is gone and he'll never get the chance to tell her

it makes you think and reflect

i have a wedding date and i am not even engaged yet...i have a plan for when we'll get married, have a child, the whole nine...its not my plan alone, he's made his plans extremely clear as well

but what the last 3 weeks have taught me more than anything, is that life and time are precious and short and at any given time the person you thought was "the" person could be gone

i try to tell him that she came to teach him to love and that she doesn't want him to never love again, and in time she'll bring someone to him that will help him to go for it and not wait and the women that come around that aren't for him, she set the bar so high, he'll know that they aren't for him and he'll move on

but those words fall on deaf ears

all he think about is her

my him says he can relate and he's been without me before and wouldn't know how to handle it so i guess that's why things are different this time

you should always let people know how you feel while they are here because at the end of the day, it makes no sense to give them flowers when they are gone and you couldn't while they were here...

love open, love hard, love free

mind racing

there is a lot on my mind

the entire situation with the life and death of troy davis has my mind running

let's not mistake it, he was a criminal, however to what extent is the question, this was a death penalty case
and i can't ignore that this was the 4th time he was up for execution, his execution was stayed 3 previous times, the last in 2008, so many questions come to mind:

*why weren't his lawyers able to prove his innocence, discredit the eye witnesses, work with the innocence project earlier? i know why witnesses are just coming forward, statue of limitations has expired for them to perjure themselves
*what was it about the defense that wasn't able to legally tell the system, hold up and wait?
No, i 'll go beyond that,
*why throughout those 3 stays was NOTHING done legally to convince the state that a retrial was needed or at least make the sentence that of life until it was absolutely clear, and if it never became clear, and he was there but didn't do it, whatever, have him serve life?
*was his class/socio economic status the issue, he just couldn't afford good/effective counsel? *again why weren't we made aware earlier, or excuse me, why didn't we (including myself) look earlier for this?
*Could we have found a way to raise funds for effective counsel?

and after the event or during, why was there such an excessive police presence? (i am so glad that the crowd was peaceful and presented no reason for them to act)

it takes me back to my college days, i thought i was going to save the world i mean totally be a lawyer and work in civil rights and take my knowledge and my compassion and change the world

now i sit a desk day in and day out and ummmmmm and i am not doing what i thought i would be doing with my life at this time

don't get my wrong i guess because of my position i am doing something, but i am not doing what i wanted to do all my life but what i need to do as an adult

i know that all of our ideas, values, and reality changes our dreams and sometimes as Gem said yesterday we gotta do what we have to do, we have to work, grow, push and move forward to survive and prosper

we need to teach our young people, and even our peers, the local, state, and federal laws, get people to understand the separation of powers, checks and balances...

we need to reach our young people and help them to understand to NOT become apart or "victim" of the justice system

furthermore, we, our generation needs to finally stand up and make a difference
we should just stop getting involved at the 12th hour, and next week stop talking about
participate in jury duty
read up on those you are voting on

new

that's the feeling i have for him right now

its new

its fresh

its a feeling that is truly grateful

out of nowhere on Sunday afternoon, i became violently ill...i mean can we say upchuckin to the tenth degree

he was ever so present, getting crackers and ginger ale, getting meds, for the last two days, he's done everything he can...

ironically enough i thought we weren't going to make it

zuri did a wonderful blog today on relationships and communication, and what it all boils down to is the communication between a man and a woman
a man and a woman i might add that were raised in two different states, grew up with two different types of parents and families and that although there are similarities are different just in that...then ADD the whole men are from mars, women are from Venus thing and

BAM

you got some issues

but here's what i am learning sometimes we can make those issues MUCH larger than they need to be

and despite the communication issues we have and will continue to face

i finally have someone to take care of me when i am sick

like really, wholehearted, take care of me not complain not fuss about missing part of the game for running to the store, or for me asking 50 million times for a new glass of ginger ale because it went flat...none of that bothered him...he just did it

its a new thing for me and i must admit

i don't just like it, i love it!