the mind...

can take you to another level
both positive and negative
it can have you envision your future
and it can have you reliving painful pasts or making up things that don't exist

in the classic words of the ghetto boys
"my minds playing tricks on me"

maybe?
i don't know but i do know there is a difference between how you feel and what's real

for example
pregnancy
there are a few pregnant women in my new office
and they freak me OUT
not because i dont' think its a beautiful thing
because it is
they have a glow and the whole nine
they have the benefit of repeating the same outfit in a week because who is going to tell a pregnant lady she can't do that!
they wear flip flops in a very conservative environment

but that waddle
that pain in their faces
that belly dropping EVERY SINGLE DAY
it freaks me out

being broke freaks me out
there is something about the idea of not having enough money at any given moment for any given life tragedy that really freaks me out
not being able to take vacations
or go to see my parents
or put my son in private school
it all overwhelms me
and i say me because it was decided upon that i would take that responsibility to manage the finances of our household

yea i could do it for just me
making sure the money works for ALL THREE people a lot

the fact that people constantly want to know when we are going to "have a little girl" makes me roll my eyes like my momma would
ummm i'll have another baby when you can come take care of her and pay for her
like i don't know what goes on in folks MINDS
didn't i just have radiation?
smh
people

maybe it's just all a test though to see how much faith we really have because in order to maneuver through all the mind traps and questions of others you have to really have faith that things will 1 be alright 2 if they aren't alright will work out anyway 3 be better than expected

so you know its all a matter of just pushing forward every single day