Friday, May 03, 2013


i am sure i have journaled here about this topic of health and weight before
but yesterday's doctor visit just had me so upset i was on the verge of spitting absolute nails

so 43 is the number of LBs i have gained since last August when i was diagnosed with graves disease (Hyperthyroid condition)
i gained the weight because i was subsequently i was put on heart medication as well as other medication, went through RAI treatment and then more medication all to KILL the thyroid gland (which still isn't fully deaded yet) BUT while going through all of this
i have had a reaction to the initial medication, the initial RAI results showed my gland was slow to die, put back on another medication, which my body started rejecting as well and all in an attempt again to KILL the thyroid which then makes you HYPO the opposite of HYPER and thus the weight gain however, it's still a small dose and the thyroid is still NOT deaded yet

i can't exercise for long period of times because of my heart
i can't be outside for long periods of time to even walk because of the heart medication

BUT here's the thing
i still tried as i might to watch what i ate and things to no avail

however, yesterday, finally i was able to be placed on a medication to replace the thyroid harmon!
this is big because you have to really reduce the function of the thyroid gland to replace it, and replacing it is with a drug that acts like the thyroid finally will give me some relief AND allow my metabolism to come back because being HYPO i have NONE, hence the rapid weight gain

so we got all of that right, ok...

so then the dr whose care i have only been under since August to assume i merely gained back the weight i initially lost was uninformed, ridiculous and insensitive to boot.
to then follow it up with well count your calories and know you'll have to fight your weight
was just plain unprofessional
in the manor in which he said it

especially after acknowledging that i one made the right call to take myself off of a med because i could tell i was becoming hypo the weight gain was to rapid and i have actually been more active than i have when i was working nights
and then to just be flip about it almost had me flip out, ESP after i just said to you I am the heaviest i have EVER been in my life and this is a concern of mine

the reality is I am not comfortable in my own skin
people don't get that
especially people who don't have health issues and just think oh well it must be something she is doing
well you have graves and have your life turned upside down and be on how many pills daily and see how you feel with your heart coming out of your chest every single day
even people that love you and support you only get it but so much

i have never been smaller than a size 6 my freshman year of collage and i looked pretty mehhhh when i was
i like curves
i don't like feeling LARGE and that's how i feel
it's uncomfortable

i am a memeber of weight watchers already but I will use them as i should
i am cutting out the carbs and sugars as well (which i don't eat as much of but clearly i can't have any)
and regardless of how i feel i will start trying to walk at least 30 mins daily on the treadmill, even when my body hurts and i am tired because that's how i feel every single day

see going from hyper to hypo to hyper to hypo all in less than a year as taken its toll on my mind, body and spirit

i have my wedding day i am so happy i felt and looked amazing on that day
that was GOD because the week after everything fell apart health wise and its been a downward spiral ever since

part of the reason i decided to remain with this practice and not Hopkins was because of the doctor and his care, but after his attitude yesterday and the last few weeks, I think i need to find another specialist and one who can also help me understand proper weight management and not just assume i am another minority woman who has no concept of what to eat, eats what she wants and does take care

for the record:
i don't eat friend foods, pork, beef or dairy!
i don't eat cookies and cakes all the time
i eat fish, chicken, turkey
NOT McDonald's or wendy's or chik-a-fila
i don't drink soda (other than ginger ale because i stay sick all day long) or sweet tea (it actually makes my nerves bad because of the graves)
i drink nothing but smart water or fiji because its best for me with graves spring water isn't god for you
i need extra electrolytes

i take more than 10,000 steps per day

i could go on and on and on

i guess i needed to get this off of my chest because the reality is, it's hurtful for people to assume that you WANT to look and feel this way and you GOT here because you are lazy and/or you eat what you want
you aren't trying to "keep it tight" for your man
you are just another lazy fat black woman

when people question my weight, family/friends/collegues (because people are that bold) and medical professionals included, that's what you are saying to me

so i share this because you NEVER know why someone is the size or weight that they are
you NEVER know what condition or medication they are on to deal with their issues
you can't SEE everything
nor will someone SHARE everything

this has been an emerging condition for the past 5 years of my life turns out

so next time
just a thought