Tuesday, August 30, 2011

single...rAdomneSS

i blog more when i am single

that's just the honest truth

if you look at the side bar and the numbers from the past years...the years with the most blog posts are from when i am single

things seem so much more stressful when you are single, you feel like you have more of the world on your shoulders when you are single, you don't feel like you matter as much when you are single...

ironically, i am also my most driven when single, like i am trying to prove my importance to those who are around me...waving..hey look at me i have something to contribute to the world to society

when i am in a relationship i tend to focus on that and whatever else i have going on, like work or school and i put myself on the back burner

funny thing is i am sitting here and i just noticed it looking at the side myself like when i am with someone i don't blog as much

another funny thing is that when i am with someone i tend to have as much to say as single but its more so relationship stuff

so either i am blogging about wanting to be in one or not blogging because i am in one but don't want to talk about it "in public"

crazy times in deed i think because that's ridiculous to me

why does everything have to be about love and life and not just about life, why as a woman can't i just focus and find the balance of being a woman why must it always be around a man or wanting a man? i know why, i even know why biblically (thanks to Mrs. C) but still its frustrating to say the least

i need to figure some things out about myself...i am sitting here tired as ever because i haven't really slept since Friday night, i am exhausted about to pass out at my desk and the one thing that i find time to blog about is the fact that i blog more when i am single than when i am not

GEESH LADY

i come off about as deep as a tic

alas at least i can admit it

maybe my insightful BOLD days are over

maybe i am meant to be a mom and a wife and just boring or is it a wife and a mom and boring

but i don't want to be boring i want to live my life and enjoy it

WHY is the finding the balance SO hard

maybe i don't need to find anything but happiness that's all i need is to be happy and as you can from the previous post a sista is none to happy to not have power and not being able to sleep in my bed, having to put my dog up in a kennel for 7 days because i don't know where i'll be or any of that other CRAP that is currently goings on in my life due to the power outage
then age a LD relationship to the mix, work, school, life, allergies

yea

uggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

ok back to the post

so i am going to find the time to tap into myself and my innermost feelings and be ok with it if i am single or not because at the end of the day, i came into this world alone and i'll go out alone, hopefully i won't spend any more time on earth alone, but i should never see myself as alone anyways

2 comments:

GemisMyName said...

We are made to love and be in relationship with God and people. So when we don't have it we want it and when we do have it (and it's good) we are consumed by it. That is the beauty of love and of being a woman. Relish in it, don't fight it.

T.C. said...

you always know what to say :)