as soon as

you get yourself together something comes along to test if you are really as far along as you thought

so based on the the last post its a known fact that the years i am IN a relationship i don't blog as much, hence this year

well here i am just going through my life and being in love and all that GREAT stuff and BAM
here comes the ex, we'll call him G, trying to contact me

so i get a FB message this morning (it was sent last night) stating that he has been looking for me for a while and that he decided to go back through his messages in FB and saw me there and sent my message...the reason for him wanting to talk to me is that he wanted to apologize for the way that he carried things (i do tend to get carried at the end of relationships) and that it wasn't me it was him, he was bugging it was him

so of course i appreciated it and thanked him

now here comes the kicker, he wants to see me

and honestly, i want to see him too...why, for no other reason than hell i still look GREAT ok well good and for my ego purposes i would like to see what he has to say

i in NO way want to be with this man again, EVER
he put me in a box, he was the guy that made me feel like as soon as i wasn't in his box anymore he wouldn't care about me anymore...furthermore, i have someone that really LOVES me

ok because let me be real about some thannnnnngggggssssss:
i am not a size 6, add some numbers to that...
i am not the sweetest person, i can be but please believe
i can be rather mean
i can be loud
i can be moody
i can be emotional
i can be sensitive
i can be strong
but i can also be weak
i am loving
but i am also stern
i can come off as cold and not interested at times
or sometimes i can be WAYYYY Y to needy of attention and affection

but the man that i have now, he GETS me, and he deals with me, even when i honestly do NOT even feel like dealing with myself...despite my up and down ways...

he loves me
he isn't perfect
he isn't tall
or have a lot of the superficial things that a lot of women may find attractive

but he loves me
he gets on my nerves and i KNOW get on his

but he loves me

and furthermore he wants to be married and have kids

so as much as i would like to see G just to hear what he had to say, and so he could see just how over his butt i am, it serves NO purpose in the larger scheme of things

i know it would bother my him, not because he doesn't trust me (we have talked about it, i have no secrets) even though any man would be a little like why do you need to see him, his thing is if i jump up and see him it makes it come off like dude has room- space and he doesn't

soooooooo

the current and FUTURE man in my life...matters more than my personal ego and so today i make the big girl decision to put him and US first