cranky

yep
i am in a pissy mood

like a really pissy mood and it wasn't until just now that i realized why

i am yet again on my working out and losing weight thing...so that means i haven't had any starch since Monday, no rice, no bread, no muffins, no croissants, potatoes, NOTHING

NOTHING I FREAKING LOVE TO EAT

nope instead its freaking oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch and spinach and mushrooms with baked turkey wings for dinner

i don't mind the dinner so much nor do i mind the salad for lunch THAT much

but freaking every single day

and nope don't go trying to help by sending me recipes and other crap that could work because although i can and will cook i prefer to cook on Sunday and have stuff for the rest of the week because i am also working out again which means that my body aches and my knees hurt and my hair is a mess because i sweat in my head

so i just don't want to be bothered

i don't want to be at work

i don't want to talk to people

i just want to eat this nasty food, do my job, go home, take Golden out, work out, eat dinner and go to bed and then wake up to do the same CRAP all over again

i don't eat those frozen meals because they have too much sodium which leads to headaches and other health issues

then you can't have or indulge in the "sauce" either...ugggggggggggg

so i am opting to try to keep it fresh and light with the whole eating thing

i have lost 2 pounds those far

woptifreakinladedadido

see i told you i was in a mood and i realized i get like this every single time that i start eating better and working out its like my body is in shock and can't stand this mess

it really would prefer to be FAT AND HAPPY

yes big people are happy its others around us that make us feel like we have a disease because we aren't walking around feeling crazy because we are big

then because others feel the need to express their thoughts on how we need a personal trainer or should only have one starch a day or WHATEVER their opinions are you begin to feel bad so what do you do, you eat MORE of the things you shouldn't do because food makes you happy then what happens you can't fit clothe so you go shopping WHY because you had the food that made you happy so now you need the new clothes to make you happy and look better and the cycle just keeps going and going and going

LOOK i get it being a certain weight and out of shape is not healthy...but there are plenty of "fat skinny" people too out here, meaning they aren't healthy they don't exercise or eat right but they don't gain weight...

hey blame it on the metabolism, thyroid whatever

we are all different either love me for me or leave me the freak alone

ok
now that i have ranted on

i am trying to lose weight because although i have always been "thick" this having a gut and back fat thing doesn't work well or bold well for me or to me...so eating better, exercising, going to try this whole life style thing again...

you would think that in the summer i'd be more prone to do these things but actually its just to dag on hot, i love this time through the spring i do my best this time of year the air is crisp, the energy is high and i can get into my own groove

but for now and maybe for a week or so until i get over this initial hump i will be cranky in a mood

thus i will place myself on time out and sit in the corner ALONE i'll let you know when I feel like coming out