Monday, November 17, 2008

The light...

"there are times, when you need someone i will be by your side"

you ever had a song, that when you hear it you smile from ear to ear, and NOT because you are experiencing something in particular AT that particular moment in time...BUT you know that you WILL experience it and you KNOW you will smile from ear to ear

that's how i feel when i hear the light...like i know that bond is coming...the way he talks about the woman that he loves in this song, is the way that i know that the man that loves me will feel about me...and that makes me smile...

but here is the catch: i am not now, nor any time soon think that i'll be dating anyone seriously...or rather i can't "see" that part...but i am not worried...

you ever get to a point in life when you realize that things are only as BIG or small as you make them and the thing is that you understand that having FAITH keeps you from worrying so much over any of it all...

here is the deal, i am absolutely, utterly, abundantly HAPPY...and nothing about my life in particular has changed...same job, same home, same money situation, same truck, same everything...

BUT different attitude...

my attitude and view about the world and more importantly about ME and my life has been shifting a lot lately and its really been for the better and for the positive...so i see the light for myself...

i must say i had a FAB U LOUS weekend...Friday i went to Park with the bestest and met up with the fellas...some homies i have known for years but haven't necessarily "kicked it with" in a while...it was cool and refreshing...

Saturday i helped with a re pass for my Aunt's aunt...it was a lot of work and i was on my feet all day but my Aunt W would do anything for me and my family and she and my mom have been the best of friends for years so it was my responsibility so i did what i had to do...i took my nephew the Miles to see Madagascar 2...i think me and the other adults enjoyed it more than the kids...a lot of adult comedy and it was indeed funny...

sunday was the highlight of the week...me, the bestest and my cusin went to church...and man was it a blessing on my life! it was truly an experience that was/is always needed but it really confirmed a lot of what i was feeling...stepping out and into another level of thinking, living and loving..

i can feel the shift in me and in my spirit who i am...and its awesome!

and you know what else here is something that is really like wow: i forgive him...

yep i forgive him...not for me, not for him, but for GOD...for my spirit...GOD doesn't want me walking around with anger and bitterness and that ain't even me...i think once i forgave myself that allowed me to be able to forgive him...i hold no bitterness, no anger, no love, no nothing...that's the thing...like nothing...i think the thing that even made me think about it was as i was journaling last night, i looked at the date and realized that it had been 4 months..and i was like wow i haven't even thought about you, and more importantly i hadn't even thought about what happened...and i took a deep breathe and felt the release...its a wonderful feeling...

so i see the light...i am glad that i have and continue to take the time out for me and to be selfish for me right now...its really the best thing to make sure i am right so when "the light" that GOD has for me comes my way i am ready... i am ready to be the light as well

3 comments:

Da'Twan said...

Ok I read all your blogs in like 2,5 seconds lol Once i started reading them I couldn't stop. Lately I have been just been going through alot of BS and i felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulder. It's been hell trying to move farword and everytime that I try I feel bad for even trying. I could sit here and write a 4-page letter lol but I just want to tell you I feel you I completly feel you and your blog has put things in perspective for me. I got so emotional reading the first two and afterwords I felt like a huge burden was lifting off my chest. thank you

T.C. said...

@da'twan: that right there isn't why i blog, i love the release for me...but that right there is also a reason, because i definitely hope that what i say helps others as well...so i am glad that it helped! just keep moving forward and pressing on, no matter what...don't let it get to you, keep fighting!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u know i understand where u coming from and we cannot help others ubntil we help outselves