MJ Monday....

so if i had to pick between Michael Jackson and Prince anyone that knows me, KNOWS that i would PICK PRINCE hands down...

HOWEVER I will always give Mr. Jackson his props

from singing & pinning Ben a song about his love for his RAT to heartbreak hotel to the most recent butterflies...the man is a genuis and can dance his butt OFF

so enjoy your MJ Monday

he was getting it LIVE with heartbreak hotel



this one right here was one of the BEST moves for him, you saw some sex appeal and he looked "normal" (even for him) in this video not to mention he was dancing his butt off...
keep it in the closet Mike...




you can see him twark it in SCREAM here with his sister

the man is BAD indeed

totally rAndomneSS

been a minute since i just brain dumped today seems like a good day

people have been trying my patience all friggin week...all friggin week...
but its cool...still enjoying life and loving life at the same time

here is the thing, i think have said this here before, but i'll say it again, people will NOT always agree with me, or understand why it is that i do what i do...all i ask is that you respect it...and if you can't, then that's not my issue...i will not apologize for what i feel or why i do what i do...because i don't do things out of spite or to hurt people, i don't do things to be disrespected and i won't stand for disrespect...its all love but like i said i gotta love me first...so if i step aside, cancel something or whatever the case maybe its because I personally do NOT have to deal with bullshit...yea i normally don't curse on here...but seriously recent events have been just that bullshit...

i saw something this morning that really made me said...there was a clearly mentally chanllenged man on the train and he was randomly talking to people...no one was there with him he was all alone, and it bothered me to the core because all i could think about was my aunt and how someone could easily hurt or take advantage of him...and that bothered me...

they were having the annaul "food 2 feed" drive downtown today...did you know that $1 to the Capital Area Food Bank could feed a person 3 meals...so me and a couple other people at my job wrote checks and made a donation...my co-worker went down and was actually ON the radio...CLASSIC...luvs her!

my line sister that i told you all about a while ago...is getting married YEP he proposed this past weekend! i knew it was coming but its awesome to know its really here....dress #6 for me! i told her imma be like the lady from 27 dresses..she told me i didn't have to be in it...GIRL BYE i wouldn't miss it for the world!!! she knows that...it makes me smile from ear to ear to think about the love those two share...he is a really GREAT guy and she is a really GREAT woman...they are ready and its going to be awesome...

i have a new nickname for my dad...its because he eats sweets all the time...for the most part i am still very happy...i don't do shady folks or dig shady stuff...but again its all cool and its all love...ya know!

one more day until the week...woooohooooo

one of my favorite songs, and truly one of my favorite videos! its really powerful...

The light...

"there are times, when you need someone i will be by your side"

you ever had a song, that when you hear it you smile from ear to ear, and NOT because you are experiencing something in particular AT that particular moment in time...BUT you know that you WILL experience it and you KNOW you will smile from ear to ear

that's how i feel when i hear the light...like i know that bond is coming...the way he talks about the woman that he loves in this song, is the way that i know that the man that loves me will feel about me...and that makes me smile...

but here is the catch: i am not now, nor any time soon think that i'll be dating anyone seriously...or rather i can't "see" that part...but i am not worried...

you ever get to a point in life when you realize that things are only as BIG or small as you make them and the thing is that you understand that having FAITH keeps you from worrying so much over any of it all...

here is the deal, i am absolutely, utterly, abundantly HAPPY...and nothing about my life in particular has changed...same job, same home, same money situation, same truck, same everything...

BUT different attitude...

my attitude and view about the world and more importantly about ME and my life has been shifting a lot lately and its really been for the better and for the positive...so i see the light for myself...

i must say i had a FAB U LOUS weekend...Friday i went to Park with the bestest and met up with the fellas...some homies i have known for years but haven't necessarily "kicked it with" in a while...it was cool and refreshing...

Saturday i helped with a re pass for my Aunt's aunt...it was a lot of work and i was on my feet all day but my Aunt W would do anything for me and my family and she and my mom have been the best of friends for years so it was my responsibility so i did what i had to do...i took my nephew the Miles to see Madagascar 2...i think me and the other adults enjoyed it more than the kids...a lot of adult comedy and it was indeed funny...

sunday was the highlight of the week...me, the bestest and my cusin went to church...and man was it a blessing on my life! it was truly an experience that was/is always needed but it really confirmed a lot of what i was feeling...stepping out and into another level of thinking, living and loving..

i can feel the shift in me and in my spirit who i am...and its awesome!

and you know what else here is something that is really like wow: i forgive him...

yep i forgive him...not for me, not for him, but for GOD...for my spirit...GOD doesn't want me walking around with anger and bitterness and that ain't even me...i think once i forgave myself that allowed me to be able to forgive him...i hold no bitterness, no anger, no love, no nothing...that's the thing...like nothing...i think the thing that even made me think about it was as i was journaling last night, i looked at the date and realized that it had been 4 months..and i was like wow i haven't even thought about you, and more importantly i hadn't even thought about what happened...and i took a deep breathe and felt the release...its a wonderful feeling...

so i see the light...i am glad that i have and continue to take the time out for me and to be selfish for me right now...its really the best thing to make sure i am right so when "the light" that GOD has for me comes my way i am ready... i am ready to be the light as well

An open letter

i guess the best way to start this letter off is by saying:

i forgive you!

yes you!

for all the times you let me down, when you said you were down to go somewhere or do something. for when you said you were ready to grow together and you really weren't...

for all the times you lied and hide the truth from me...told me one thing because it was easier not because it was REAL...

said you were IN love with me but you really weren't because you really didn't know me, who i was, what i felt, what my dreams were, who i had been, who i wanted to be

for manipulating my dreams of wanting to be a wife and mother and allowing me to settle for the things you KNEW you couldn't give because you didn't know who you were...

for looking real life and the real deal RIGHT IN THE FACE and turning a blind eye because subconsciously you knew i didn't want to be alone...

for allowing me to ignore my inner "self" and wisdom and just be DUMB

for all the times that you let me eat things i shouldn't, down myself and as i shouldn't...hurt myself emotionally when i shouldn't...

for letting me look in the mirror and let me not think i was pretty enough, strong enough, or worth enough

for allowing me to compare myself to other women...tall-short-light-brown-beautifully dark-smaller-not so smaller-thicker...and never feel good enough

for allowing me to always chase the BIG NICKLE wanting to be more than i was or better yet to be what i THOUGHT I SHOULD BE...

for crying over things i had no control over and never telling me to stop...

for ignoring and sometimes even denying my talents

for never giving me enough credit and at times being extremely hard on me

for keeping personal and family secrets bottled up for years because you worry so much about what others may think

for not allowing me to be me, because of what others may or may not think...not dressing, expressing, fully who i am based on the "worlds opinion"

for allowing me to blame myself when it wasn't ME or even sometimes YOU to blame just the circumstances for what it was...and not saying to me...its okay it just is...

for allowing me to fake the funk when it was just that funk

the list could go on and on...but i guess what i am trying to say is simply

i forgive YOU because you is really ME

because I MUST CHOSE ME

INSPIRING

I was going to try to blog about how i felt and my feelings of Joy, pride, excitement...but i think that my great-grandmother Emma Dallas said it best

“There is going to come a time that the bottom of the tub is gonna come to the top”

what she meant by that my grand mother explained was that we as a people-and not just black , white, brown, yellow, red or purple its all people all disenfranchised people, all people who are tired of being sick and tired-were going to rise up…and that we did…

am i totally convinced that the as my girl said "glass of racism is now half full" no not really...BUT for the first time since my freshman year of college I am definitely seeing that WE can come together…and that progress can be made… and that’s HUGE…I am at a place where I actually feel like what I studied and worked hard for, my future and my children’s future matters!

and it is totally because of Barak Obama his disposition, his character, his intelligence, his credentials, his identity, his graciousness, and his ability to connect with the masses and the majority.

i want to end with this:

please remember-it took us 8 years, EIGHT to get to this point...

President Obama can NOT get us out turmoil in a year or two...and I am glad he said that last night...its going to take time to turn this country around...so NO we can't party just yet we gotta work...and we gotta work TOGETHER!

monday murnin flash back

and did you see the hand puppets...CLASSIC!!!

tell me if you still care...WHAT! CLASSIC

let me put somethin in ya

yea my sentiments exactly...

that's what this dude had the nerve to say to me on Friday night..yes i decided to finally go out...
it was my homie KC's 25th birhtday party and you know i totally felt inclined to go...and i even bought a custome...

i went as a boxer and that's who i met a boxer...who seemed fine enough...we talked and went back and forth it was cool...then after i was like okay i'll talk to this dude...he then says "man you need to let me put something in you..." then eventually it comes out that this dude has not one, not two, not three but FOUR kids...

yea my sentiments exactly...

i did run into another dude that was nice enough...he is definitely cool...but four years younger...

and all of this after me and my homie ballonman had a conversation about me NOT giving up on men but definitely taking time out for myself..but not closing the door....that right there Mr. ballon man...is why i am just hanging out...with ME...LOL

life is still good...i am sure i am this is the beginning of many more stories to come...