I got tagged again, but I ain't playin no more after this!

Ok, ONLY because its A Woman on the Move (my sis) that tagged me, I decided to play again...this also provides me with the challenge of trying to see if there are 8 other things, that I haven't previously stated.

So I am not going to tag anyone else, Imma just list my eight and be done...

1. i have to hold something at night when I am sleeping, pillow-teddy bear, SOMETHING or I can't sleep, period! I know a grown woman needs to sleep curled up to something, but hey it is what it is...

2. i don't fry food! Not that I don't think that i can't, but i just don't like the mess that all that oil and crap makes...and the thing is i have a little deepfriar and still don't fry! BUT I promised to "perfect" my skills while he is away so I can make him a nice "home cooked-soul" meal when he gets back...

3. speaking of food, my worse meal to make, by far, BREAKFAST! yep I suck at cooking breakfast, boiled eggs and Eggo's are about as far as i go...well, not really i have gotten better than i used to be, bless his heart my high school boyfriend, tried to eat my breakfast, but most of it ended up in the trash, and who could blame him it was terrible!

4. i am enrolled in an online course (one of the best) to receive my certificate in program management, been enrolled since last summer, and ain't started YET! trifling I know, but hey...

5. i have the beginnings of road rage...simply put, do the speed limit, plus 10 (at least) or get out the way!

6. i am extremely independent...i mean extremely to a flaw at times, when i will need help and i won't ask for it, but i am getting better at it, this being single, living the urban/suburban life is hard at times!

7. i am about to look into gettin a graduate certificate in public health (see # 4) but i really need to take both courses so that I can ensure my progression at work and in my future professional pursuits!

8. i have been through quite a lot in my past relationship, so i wasn't really expecting that this whole love thing would happen like it did, not that i didn't or don't believe in love, i totally do, but with EVERYTHING that we've been through, i didn't know if it was "so" for he and i...but things have a way of working themselves out...i just believe you grow in love, and sometimes you don't even see it coming...i believe you grow to love someone, not "fall" you know, and we've grown...ok simply put, love is in my air, in my life...

Hey

what it do people!
i just want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to all of my blog family for all of your love and support!!!!


Words can't fully express how your support, kept me this past week...


my uncle is stable, we are just keeping it all in prayer...GOD can make anything happen...

Daddy had his rough spots, but he's doing...that's my man, all day everyday, first and true love to my heart!

other than that...let's see, its a lot of birthday time going...Rik turned the big 3 0, and so her surprise party was Saturday night-my godson's birthday party was on Sunday, they are now 2 whole years OLD! Too much fun!!!!

i am off to Chi-town this afternoon to attend a multi-culturalism workshop, excited about that fo sho...i'll be back tomorrow though!

The BirthSDay is this Friday and me and the ladies are going to cut it up for sure...i can't wait...i know we are doing something, what i don't know and don't care...just ready to shake my tail feather HA!

oh, and he is coming in LATE Saturday night, leaves back out Tuesday morning, but the fact is...I GET TO SEE HIM & CELEBRATE! yea....

life is life, but its ok...i have bonded with my father, my mother, my friends, and him on totally different levels these past 7 or so days and its been hard, but at the end of it all, its been a growth experience in deed....

oh, and my MOMMY will be home Wednesday!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!

so again, THANK YOU...

.....

LORD just keep me!

is what i keep saying to myself...

i can't believe the call i got Saturday morning...my mother actually said to me "only a miracle from GOD baby" that's what she said...my uncle lays on life support in intensive care in Chicago...

my mother is gone to take my grandmother to see him, not an easy feet being that she had to fly to Alabama and now has to drive her to Chicago...

my father is home "alone" (my brother will be checking on him) until my mother returns...

she packed her Black suit, "just in case"

its so unbelievable how things work themselves sometimes...how life turns out sometimes

i couldn't hold the phone when she said those words, i immediately hung up the phone, and called him, he was there, he was right there despite the fact that he was told that he has to leave on the 28th, well now TOMORROW...but you were there and i appreciate that...my friend...

life sometimes comes at you, and its coming at me...on ALL levels, but i just said we CHOSE how we feel, we MAKE our own happiness, sometimes circumstances surround you that can hinder that...but even in the midst of it all, we chose to keep pressing forward

so i will remain faithful and i know that GOD makes NO mistakes...

and even though things are totally all up in the air (it amazing how ONE thing, ONE night, ONE moment can change it all)

but for now imma take a moment, and just sit and watch and sit and pray and sit and meditate on the power of our LORD...

"pain may endure for one night, but joy comes early in the morning"

remain faithful people....

Peace

making it

you know as i get older, and i am inspried by Jus to day this, somethings i have learned and as Oprah would say "there are somethings that i KNOW for SURE" and one of those things is this:

you gotta make your own happiness!

now that right there is REAL talk as he would say (swears he makes up everything, including HELLO! I mean HELLO been saying that since the fall and actually stole it from KC...HA! but what was I saying...)

back to the real point of this post, you know there has been a lot going on in my life, and by my life I mean my direct life as well as those who are around me, lately and it just causes me to pause and sit back and reflect you know...and the one thing that continues to come up to ME is the fact that, YOU can't control anyone but YOU!

let me say that again

YOU can NOT control anyone but YOU....

what do i mean,

if someone is a jackbutt guess what, that's their issue NOT yours
if someone is selfish, guess what, that's their issue NOT yours....
i mean i can go and on...but the main point is this, people are going to be people, you can be having the best day OR it can be your day, you know like your birthday or something, and if people want to be nasty and crazy and all of that, that's exactly what they'll going to do, but why let that affect you?

now, of course this is totally easier said then done, but its something that i think people should be honestly conscious of...you can't rely totally on others to make you happy, you have to rely on yourself...relying on others will set you up for disappointment, feel me?

why? because we all have certain expectations, and if you are leaning or depending on people to make YOU smile, then you might not be smiling that often...

it goes along with my point of we all chose our attitudes and how we WANT to feel...you make your own happiness...

you can not give any ONE person or THING that much control over YOU that they can keep you from being happy because of THEIR attitude or outlook on life, on love, or on you....

sometimes in life you just have to sit back and take "stock" so to speak on your life, your loved ones, and your friends...and once you do that, then you figure out what's real and true and what isn't...and then you meet people where they are...

some people you just party with
some people you'll always be there for but you know they won't be there for you
some people are like blood, and always will be family
some people you'll always be there for and they will be there for you sometimes
some people you'll talk to daily and others you'll talk to every now and then...
some people you'll always be there for and you know they'll always be there for you...unconditionally

so you just learn who and what is in your life and YOU limit their access based on what role they fill, based on who they are...and you understand that its really OK, you don't love them any less they are who they are just like you are who you are...

and you go back to looking at the ONE person that really determines what makes or breaks you, and that is YOU!

So I say as we continue to transition into the second half of the year, we take stock, take inventory and make our own way, make our own happiness...

LiVe, LaUgH and LoVe

plans?

i have plans this weekend, but NOT the type of plans you are thinking about, i mean like little plans to just hang out and do to much of nothing...

tonight, i'll get off of work and going to the store to pick up a couple of items, i'll then go in the house and begin to wash clothes and then guess what, i'll sit my little butt down and do absolutely NOTHING!

my BF wants to go to the mall so it MIGHT hit one up with her, but other than that...i have not plans, but to just be in the house...

saturday, imma get up, clean (this might start tonight, because like some of the things I need to pick up totally go with my bathroom, so like i'll clean that tonight) and wash...then i'll go to the movies to see Transformers by MYSELF! sometimes you just need some "me" time and that's what i plan on getting...after that, i'll go get a mani/pedi and go see my folks...then i'll hit up the grocery store on my way in...

sunday, it'll be me and him...just us chilling doing absolutely NOTHING watching tv and relaxing...that will be GREAT...

so this weekend will be one with things to do, but no pressure, no agenda's or schedules to keep, just me doing what I want when I want...and that will be GREAT to do...

my body is tired...my mind is too

a lot has happened on the job this week, found out that he will not only miss my birthday, but he'll be in Jamaica for 45 days on a work assignment (i know i wish i could "work" in Jamaica for 45 days...) but you know such is life...it'll go by fast and i think we'll bond on another level...so it'll work itself out for the best...

anyways, i just think that im in for a weekend of doing mostly what i like to do best, and that's relax, spend time with my # 1 person-ME (i really have come to cherish my alone time, i really enjoy knowing me), and those who are closest to me...

have a GREAT weekend....

Tag your it!

Thanks to honey-libra I've been tagged (since i went past and saw her blog first thing this am, and would have been like #5 to comment). I haven't done one of these in forever so here we go...

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. i secretly want to be bald...like seriously, i totally wish that i was brave enough to just go to the shop and just tell them "cut it all off already!" one day i promise, when i am older and really don't give a flying fart, imma do it!

2. i like watching hockey...other than football that's the ONLY sport that can keep my interest ON tv...I'll GO to a basketball game, and even want to go and see how baseball is...but watching on tv, forget it!

3. i don't wear makeup unless its a real special occasion, i am not one of those woman that goes to work all done up, can't stand it...sometimes i leave out the house without even having on lip gloss and most times when i do put it on, i look even lighter than i am...i can't apply makeup to save my life...but when its professionally done it looks good...

4. i can't eat anything dairy...NOTHING, no milk, no cheese, no nothing! So i order pizza with NO CHEESE! Yes i honestly order pizza with NO CHEESE...and if i go out, i am constantly asking what does this "sauce" have in it..
SIDE NOTE: best experience PS7 downtown...GREAT service, even so much that the manager brought out every portion of the meal and explained how they had changed it to be non-dairy

5. one of my favorite things to do is to go downtown and walk around the FDR Memorial area...something about that area that makes me feel so peaceful....i also like to do geeky stuff like go to museums and do tourist stuff...

6. i have a bad habit of staring about people...like that's all i do, he actually thinks i flirt because i stare at people...like i'll lock in on you and look you up and down, and up and down, and make a face....my BF said imma get beat up one day doing that...HA!

7. i am a serious greedy gus! i love to eat! i love good food! if you want to make me happy, feed me...HOWEVER, even though my momma is from Alabama and can cook her butt off, I can't...yep, as much as i love to eat, i can't cook most traditional "soul food" meals...i don't fry foods, none of that...now don't get me wrong i can bake and broil my butt off, but the art of frying and grilling....naw...

8. i don't have curtains up in my house or pictures hung or mirrors hung...now don't get me wrong the apartment is decorated nicely, HOWEVER, i have YET to hang stuff up...i have like 1 picture up and a couple of wall decorations, but that's it! i have bought pictures, mirrors, curtains, rods, all of that...just never hung the stuff up...i think the reason is that deep down inside, although its my first place, i don't want to make it so that that's it...so i keep it so its like ok, this is home, but its not HOME...let's keep reaching for better, let's not get to comfortable here...

ok so that's me...some stuff people may have known, some stuff you may not have....

i tag:
deja_i_am
c._.j
kc
it is what it is
danger
dc_speaks
ci
MikeSee

and if anyone else wants to do this PLEASE do so and let me know....
Hopefully you guys will participate!

weekend rewind

so the weekend didn't end up exactly as i expected but it was still cool...

Friday

took out the weave and relaxed

Saturday

got up went to the hair dressers was in there all morning, but the new look came out cute...

he got sick from some food, so NO Balitmore festival....

so I went to see the parents and from there I went home and chilled until it is what it is came over with lil mama...we hung out for a while and that was that...

Sunday

spent the morning with him...it was nice (we actually had been having some really deep connecting type conversations) so we talked and hung out and then I hooked up with my god-sons and their mother (she called and asked me to go with them to the splash park) and I did...i haven't spent as much time with them, so it was a good look for me to bond with them...

Last night i had a nightmare and it resulted in me waking in a panic and THUS having a panic attack...that turned into an astma attack...it was totally scary, I haven't had a panic attack in YEARS...but i prayed and got through it...

Today

just found out that he may be gone longer than initally anticipated...but its what 46 days...that's nothing...you go and do what you got to do and i'll continue to support you...that's how I honestly feel about it...

here is the another view of the look

yea i guess you can say I am gonna "party like a rock star-totally dude"

rAndomneSS (VII)

why am i constantly friggin tired- i was in the bed at 9:30 last night and woke up this morning my entire back was throbbing...

YES you still do get on my nerves, as I am more than sure that i get on yours...and I wonder sometimes to since you seem to always ask me "how do you put up with me?" hell if I know...but truth be told, with your crazy ways and all, i actually really like you (ok yes its more than like)

hell truth be told you make me smile, inside out...through the good, the bad, and the ugly...

YES i can't wait to go out tomorrow and to actually cook on Sunday...

Bible study tonight! YES! I can't wait seems like forever...so this will be good for me...just what i need some filling up of the soul...

i can't wait to take this weave out! tomorrow i WILL be at the salon BEFORE 9am...mohawk here I come..YES i am getting a mohawk and it shall be FAB-U-LOUS...

why did i feel the need to tell you last night, "babe, you know i am taking my weave out right?" and to my surprise you were like "ok...." i don't know i guess because i KNOW that you actually like the weave, so i was a little nervous...

geesh why does being a girl suck, always wanna make sure you are too cute...

and i will be too cute tomorrow when we go to the Caribbean Festival in baltimore...that will be cute...

going to Chicago on the 30th for work, me and the ED, excited about that, i am doing well being asked to represent the company and thangs...

my daddy said he wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to tell my mother because "she has enough on her right now" well i told her anyways...she needs to know what is wrong with him...parents man! sometimes i feel like i am his...

my mother is the GREATEST! strongest woman i know, my best friend...my everything, i lover her dearly, and bet nobody say anything bad about my momma, OR it will be ON...

my brother, *shaking my head* never mind

i miss my Li...she needs to come back to visit or i guess i need to take a trip to Houston...but i miss my Li...the older sister i never had, my sister from another mother...

ok, ok, my birthday is in what 3 weeks now...i know i won't be at work, but what shall i do...

maybe a nice peaceful day, a me day...it is MY national holiday...we shall see...

Harry Potter is out...you KNOW i gots to go and see that...next week after work sometime, still need to see Transformers...maybe we'll do that on Sunday...

oh how i can't wait to be in the hair salon tomorrow morning, nothing like it...just me and the ladies talking trash, being loud and gettin fly!

i am still coming to the A, just couldn't do it after convention, but deep, jus, and ci, i WILL be there in August when my line sisters baby is born! So watch out there now...

ok i think i have mind dumped enough...got a meeting

oh and i have offically started my diet plan...yea me...

Have a GREAT weekend and stay up people...

Peace

Inspired...

you know in life a lot of time, things are just coming at you

people on your job getting on you nerves OR you may not have a job OR you may have a degree and can't find a job that meets your qualifications...your kids, you man/woman ain't coming home at night OR simply you aren't getting along OR they may not be meeting what you feel you truly NEED out of the relationship...bills might be past due, you might only have $122 to last you until the 22nd (payday)...the news might just get you down...HELL life, can just get to you...but never forget to stop trying! NEVER stop trying

no matter what people, just keep trying...

Life is a Beautiful Struggle

you know what (fellas this is for the ladies)

i just wish my friggin cycle would start already....all of this ovulation and the like is for the BIRDS! now come on dag on it and get it over with...

my back hurts, my stomach hurts, my friggin side is cramping...

i think imma have to take my butt back to the doctor's and get another pill or something...

here's the deal, I HAVE to be on something because i need to have my hormones regulated...HOWEVER this friggin pill, which is supposed to be higher in dose than the last one i had but seems to be doing nothing for my physical issues that come with being a woman, ME, this time of the month...

i must say however that i am not as emotional as i was LAST month...so that's a plus, but geesh...now don't get me wrong there is still PLENTY that is going on, but last month i was hella sensitive you know...

anyways...

so in short my cycle is getting on my last friggin nerves...

i just needed to get that out...

I think....

I think to much...

a lot of times I can't get my mind to shut the hell up, and most times I really need it to, so I can hear GOD speaking to me...I mean really

For example I was off of work from Tuesday at 2pm until this morning, and I am just as tired as I was when I left Tuesday at 2!


Why I didn't really sleep...my mind was running all the time, well until last night-but we'll get to that part....

I don't know I just think an aweful lot about a lot to things that mostly I can't control...

I am a day dreamer and wishing is something I do best...but its not helpful, so lately I have been trying to be a realist...

This weekend, was pretty much uneventful, cookout on the 4th, birthday get together on the 6th, a long conversation on the 7th and some good seafood last night at a dinner party...

but last night i was finally able to get some rest, a lot that has been bothering, I had cried about earlier in the day, and I mean I cried...

but as the tears began to dry up I had a moment of clarity

one of those moments that makes everything come together, one of those moments when you realize that sometimes it really isn't about you and has nothing to do with YOU, sometimes you just have to step aside, pray about it and let GOD and time do their thang....

so I feel jac today, I feel jus today...I feel blu today...

I feel all of my sistah's out here searching for that ONE thing that has your heart longing....

it maybe a job, it maybe more money, it maybe a relationship, it maybe to fix a broken heart, it maybe just getting away from the drama...

whatever it maybe, just stay focused, stay faithful and stay fighting for that inner peace...

I am finally working my way back to that inner peace...all my life i have had to work for and fight for what I wanted, and right now all I want is peace and so Imma get mines!

With the guidence and grace of GOD I know Imma get mines...I may not can see all that I want in front of my face, but a change is gonna come (as the old folk say) and when it does, Imma be ready...until then Imma go and sit and be silent and let GOD move....

Psalms 37:7
Hebrews 11:1

Stay up my people! Stay up!

rAndomneSS (VI)

The brain....can be a very interesting thingi took a test and my brain is blue

just like the heart, sometimes you can't help how you feel, sometimes you can't help what you think?
pish posh...

I think its all a choice, ya feel me?

Everything in this life is a choice
including love and who you love and how you love...

everything in life is a choice, so you know we need to stop and be real about that...
we choose if we are going to have a good day or a bad day-a good attitude or be pissy
happy or sad, that's all our choice you feel me..


so today i have to make a choice, I am tired, coming off a National Convention I am rather tired, starting to feel a little sick, but hey my work week is ONLY two days...

the sun is shining, its not to hot not to cold....supposed to be like this all week...that's a bet...that means i'll be actually out on the 4th at the cookouts and thangs

e's mix is crancking

"i gotta love jones for your body and skin tone.....valentine's cards and birthday wishes, please....we above all that romance crap to show love...you're all i need to get by"

so Convention was good...it went extremely well, so all the hard work wasn't for nothing...that's what's up...

definitely time for a new look, hair that is...i want to get a press and curl, but being that i am on a mission to lose about 10 pounds before my birthday which is August 3rd, I don't know if that'll be a good look for me...but paying for another weave or braids doesn't make sense, since I'll be getting my hair done FOR my birthday

why does hair matter so much?

i don't know i guess since i have ALWAYS had my hair done, via Ma...its just a habit

plus you can't be walking around looking all crazy...

yea you are on my LIST and not the list you would want to be on, but its cool...im totally not going to stress about it, with all things I take it to the LORD in prayer because LAWD knows I can't let you or anyone else drive me crazy, came to far for that mess...not worth it, especially since I KNOW I am worth so much more and dserve the very best...and I can work with you, cause LAWD knows I am NOT perfect and I too have flaws, but geezie peezie...WTH...

anyways....not that deep, life goes on...

i don't think people realize how draining they can truly be, but then again, when you are a spoiled brat, you tend NOT to care that you are draining...HA!

so yea like i only work today and tomorrow, how sweet is that! I actually need to do some actual work, ok ok, i'll do it tomorrow...

"I'd rather be with you...you know deep down inside I love you...we gonna make this time, you're the only one i really love, im coming at you with both hands tied behind my back, imma stick my love in your eye, you can see me cumin..." HA! Bootsie Collins was OFF the HOOK

i am definitely going to bestbuy today to get Chrisette Michelle's CD...she is totally AWESOME!
"one day we'll make love, passion unheard of, i'll be your woman, if I had my way...we will see heaven...we won't stop ever...if I had my way...."

.....WHAT you get it!

I mean really we don't have good music anymore...but this right here, that's that REAL right there.....

Ok so why am I listening to Al B Sure...you know what...that's what Imma end with...

"oooohhhhh this love is so..."