So last night I got a voice message/call from a male friend of mines (and YES people I DO mean friend, as in home boy) and he was really in "need" of talking to me...
So I gave him a return call because it sounded like he really needed to talk...
So he goes into this story about how he met this young lady and was (remember I said was) interested in, but she "dropped" some information on him that basically changed things.
Well becasue she liked him so very much, she felt that he needed to know something extremely personal about her. To make a long story short, she was in a long relationship with a guy, who was unfaithful, and he left her with something, an STD.
Now off the break, she is getting cool points and much respect from me, because I could only imagine, how that must feel, to feel betrayed by the one you loved, to feel dirty, like noone will ever want to be with you, you HAVE to tell them that, because you don't want to take that choice from them like someone took it from you...
those are the thoughts that are going through my head when I think about her and how she is feeling
He continues....
Its not just any STD that she has, she has Herpes....
Now at this point I am speechless because i am like, Aw man...that's deep, that's a virus, that even if dormit can be transmitted....
So I ask him, ok an...what are you going to do?
He was like: what do you mean what am I going, she and I can only be friends, she is a really cool girl but at this point in my life I am looking for someone that I can be with for the rest of my life. And that someone doesn't have that...
At this point I am totally taken off by his response.
I mean if she is as GREAT as he says, why can't they work through it...man that only validates what she was probably thinking and feeling...maybe that's why she told him off the break, I can understand if you only JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS...
But then I can understand him too...I mean could I be with a dude that had Herpes...I mean that would be putting my own health at risk...but aren't we doing that anyways, I mean not everyone is as honest as she was...she cared enough about him to put herself out there about the situation...but he wants to be with a "pure woman" what does that mean?
I have no real answers for this situation, but it was really bothering me...and I am looking forward to your views and input...
Peace
8 comments:
This is a hard one. Although sex is not the cornerstone of a relationship, it is a very important part of the whole experience of intimacy. I applaud the young lady on her honesty and being forthright about her situation. If I were in the guy's shoes, I'd probably end up walking away as well.
I don't consider myself superficial, but the risk of contracting herpes from her would scare me. I know that I desire to explore everything with my mate and her having herpes would place serious limitations on what we could do intimately. It would only be fair to her to tell her the truth about how I felt.
What happens when I contract herpes from her and we break-up? Then I would be trying to go into a new relationship scarred by the same thing that plagues her now.
It's a sad situation all around due to the fact of how she obtained it and that your male friend probably really likes her a lot.
@gmo-and I feel like you feel...its like a hard way to go...but I truly respect her for telling him, that takes a LOT of strength, and she must really care about him to be that honest...because you KNOW most times its going to be "ok, we will always be friends"...
its just mess up...
That's why we have GOT to talk to people, take time to court, and get to know folks before we hop into bed with them, and protect ourselves (although in this situation, a condom or not, she was going to catch it) it just pisses me off though because she wasn't asked but PUT into a situation becasue he boyfriend wanted to cheat on her...
HE took HER choice...and that's what messes me up about it...and now SHE has to live with this for the REST of her life...jacked up...
but I do know of a young lady that I used to work with that had both Herpes and HPV and she just got married last October...so I DO know that there are some men out there willing to work with you...
I don't know its always something...
This is a tough one indeed. Yes, I give her points as well for coming clean, but at the same time, that is some serious information to receive. Like g. mo said, sex isn't the end all be all, but it is very important. Your friend might be worried & have that on his mind 24-7. Maybe being just friends is the best so he won't end up hurting her down the line.
@paula-I definitely can respect his stance on the situation and would much rather him be honest with himself and her so that in the end neither one of them gets hurt...so I feel you both!
just wanted to read other people's comments on this one instead of putting my opinion out there. good stuff...
I commend her for her honesty and on the other hand if he tells her this she might be the type who wont' tell anyone else because of how he puts it to her...hopefully he will still be her friend even if they can't work on something more cause that can harm a persons mental if not put correctly
@honey-I think that he handled it OK...I don't know if he really handled it the way he could have...he SAYS that he was extremely firm in them remaining friends...but he also said that he KNOWS he could never be with her...like i said this is a hard one to call...
hmmm....,
Kudos to her for been simply honest, that, and trust are some of the things that could make relationships work.
To the issue, it depends on what the guy wants a relationship for. If 'tis for companionship, great, 'cos the intimacy part is the risk or sacrifice they'll have to take and find a way around (one can always find ways around stuffs). But, if 'tis solely for the intimacies then, the word is caution.
To the lady, I doff my hat for her honesty.
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