Cleva...Erykah Badu

This is how I look without makeup
And with no bra my ninny's sag down low
My hair ain't never hung down to my shoulders
And it might not grow
Ya' never know

But I'm clever when I bust a rhyme
I'm cleva always on ya' mind
She's cleva and I really wanna grow
But why come you're the last to know?

I got a little pot in my belly
So now a days my figure ain't so fly
My dress ain't cost nothin' but seven dollars
But I made it fly
And I'll tell ya why

But I'm clever when I bust a rhyme
I'm cleva always on ya' mind
She's cleva and I really wanna grow
But why come I'm the last to know?

Alright, alright, alrightAlright,
alright, alrightAlright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright
yeahAlright with me

Said that I'm alright with me
Said that I'm alright with me
Said that I'm alright with me
Said that I'm alright with me
Said that I'm alright with me


Sometimes you just have to say to yourself, you know what I am alright with me...
because if you don't, who will...
everything is life is about a lesson...never lose the lesson...
learn from it and keep going...and in the end, make sure...
You are alright with who YOU are...at the end of the day as long as you can say that...nothing is lost or in vain...

Time

As quickly as things begin
they end...

As fast as things come in,
They can go right back out...

things can change at the drop of a hat...
but we can't be afraid of change or letting go...

another lesson learned
another battle fought
another reason to reflect
another moment to figure out and say to yourself:
I'm alright with me...

when you know who you are and what you stand for...
you can let things go...

So let go...
Let it be...
again because
I'm alright with me...

remember sometimes good people, aren't good together...
remember complex people aren't good together either...

it is what it is...

Just breathe and let go...

what I wouldn't give...

~to see him, or talk to him, or just look at him one last time

~to just go back to bed right now...man I am so tired, when you experience a death its totally a draining experience, especially when its a young person...still in high school, senior year...I am so not looking forward to the funeral on Saturday, that is going to be ONE OF THE MOST emotional events of my life...

~to take lunch right now, for some reason my stomach is on over time, and I am already hungry at 11:30 its just going to have to calm down until I go out and get something around 12:30/1:00pm...

~to just be in your arms right now...man have we had our ups and downs, but i guess that comes from us being so much a like, and yet so different all at one time...but I wouldn't trade all the head bumps for anything, it just seems to make an even stronger foundation for the relationship...these last two weeks have proven that much...so much stuff has just been coming left and right at us individually, all at once, but we still manage to hold it down for each other! You were the first person I was able to break down to, right there, to lift me back up...and although you get on my last nerve, I am beginning to feel like you complete the circle...we shall see

~to make sense of a mother giving up her rights to her children...and just walking away....as a woman I just can't understand it...but more importantly then that...

~to take those 3 little boys in my arms and let them know that EVERY thing is going to be alright...how do you explain, to a 5, 4, & 3 year old that their mother just couldn't handle being a mother anymore...that she had to go, and that although it may not make total and complete sense right now, in the long run its for the best...but I know in my heart it will hurt them for some time to come...

~again, to go back to bed...my body, my mind, my spirit is just tired...

~some of my mother's fried chicken...she knew I was going around the way last night to help out with stuff, but she didn't know that I had agreed to baby sit for someone AND that I would be out with my god-sister for hours, so I couldn't even get any of her fried chicken wings...that is a tragedy...

~to just hang out with my girls, hopefully next weekend...man two of my closest homies are moving OUT OF STATE this month...and I don't know what Imma do...I KNOW we will ALWAYS be in each others lives, BUT they are physically moving that's HUGE to me...one to Texas and another to South Carolina...this is so HUGE...man

~to be able to just hang out with my Dad, go out and just laugh and joke like we used to. You don't really "get" how important your parent's health really is until you watch them fade away right before your eyes...that's still my man though...we can still talk trash with the best of 'em...but man, to see him like that, don't take your parents/loved ones for granted people...you never know

but you know despite it all, I am blessed...its just one of those brief sessons in life...

I know that GOD doesn't put things on us that we can't handle...there is a life lesson in EVERY thing that we go through...and although you might not see it then and there, at the time...it will come to you...

so keep your head up folks...stay strong....stay positive...

17

....that's how old you were when they decided to take your life.
violently, by the bullet of a gun
you were bold and strong, a dare devil some may even say
You were, are, and always will be that beautiful little boy that I grew up with...or that grew up under me...

We remember your life, your smile, your strength, your courage....
we remember you....
So know that we love you...
We will always love you

It just doesn't move me...

So let me start off by saying I am NOT bitter and I am NOT mad...

I honestly am just one of the few females that could HONESTLY give a flying fart in space about Valentine's Day...

Why you may be wondering...well beyond the obvious that its really a commercially exploited day that really does more for the card/candy/gift companies that true love...I just have come to feel and honestly believe that this ONE day is totally overrated...

Don't get me wrong I used to be a total V-Day female...wanted it all...but I have learned a lesson in love and life, that basically you should show someone that you love them 365 days a year 24 hours a day 7 days a week...love shouldn't be bottled up or over done just ONE day a year...
ONE day to make me feel special and for you to feel special...

Naw...No thanks...

I learned this lesson about 3 years ago...

Me and the BF at the time where going through hella issues/problems and basically he wanted me to come up top to see him because he had this HUGE Valentine's Day planned for us...Now this particular Valentine's Day was on a Saturday, so I was like well why don't I come up for the entire weekend, on Friday...I was promptly told NO and to come up on Saturday, actual Valentine's Day...so I being me, placed this in the back of my mind and kept it moving..

The date: We started out at McCromick & Schmick's in downtown Philly, from there we went to a Black Play and from there to a nice bed & breakfast...the next morning we went shopping for music and clothes and came to an actual understand that we would buy each other what we wanted to see the other in, instead of complaining all the time...so I bought him a button down shirt and he bought me the first pair of S. Carter's (you know the ones that looked like the Gucci shoes)

So it was GREAT! I had fallen in love all over again...we was going to make it...I got a nice card with a letter all of that...roses...man it was on point...

And you know what...the VERY NEXT WEEK it went right back to the same ol same ol...can't find him, he isn't answering the phone...just drama...

As a matter a fact, when I learned that he was cheating on me, remember the NO about coming up on Friday, well come to find out...that the Friday before Valentine's Day he was with HER....
LMBO....its freaking hilarious to me NOW, back then not so much

Lesson Learned

So that was a true lesson learned about love and life for ME...its not about ONE day, its about you and that someone else being totally 100% in it to win it together...
ALL YEAR AROUND
Now that's not to say that if that "special someone" wants to celebrate Valentine's with me, I won't because more than likely I will...but if he doesn't then it won't bother me none the same.

As long as we are in it to win it EVERY DAY...and its about love, respect and understanding...
2/14 doesn't really matter to me


Its like that Method Man and Mary J song...
All I need: Meth was right on point to me...

I'm your Mister, you my Mrs.
with hugs and kisses Valentine cards and birthday wishes?
Please
Be on another level of planning, of understanding
the bond between man and woman, and child The highest elevation,
cuz we above All that romance crap, just show your love

That's what I am talking about...showing love is much deeper than a holiday, and its much deeper than just doing something for one day...its showing and giving love on a regular basis...
If you need more of an idea of what I am talking about...

check out JAC's explanation of REAL LOVE...

Peace ya'll be safe, stay sane...and know that Jehovah GOD is LOVE and if you got him...everything else is just that, everything else....

The truth....

So last night I got a voice message/call from a male friend of mines (and YES people I DO mean friend, as in home boy) and he was really in "need" of talking to me...

So I gave him a return call because it sounded like he really needed to talk...

So he goes into this story about how he met this young lady and was (remember I said was) interested in, but she "dropped" some information on him that basically changed things.

Well becasue she liked him so very much, she felt that he needed to know something extremely personal about her. To make a long story short, she was in a long relationship with a guy, who was unfaithful, and he left her with something, an STD.

Now off the break, she is getting cool points and much respect from me, because I could only imagine, how that must feel, to feel betrayed by the one you loved, to feel dirty, like noone will ever want to be with you, you HAVE to tell them that, because you don't want to take that choice from them like someone took it from you...

those are the thoughts that are going through my head when I think about her and how she is feeling

He continues....

Its not just any STD that she has, she has Herpes....

Now at this point I am speechless because i am like, Aw man...that's deep, that's a virus, that even if dormit can be transmitted....

So I ask him, ok an...what are you going to do?

He was like: what do you mean what am I going, she and I can only be friends, she is a really cool girl but at this point in my life I am looking for someone that I can be with for the rest of my life. And that someone doesn't have that...

At this point I am totally taken off by his response.

I mean if she is as GREAT as he says, why can't they work through it...man that only validates what she was probably thinking and feeling...maybe that's why she told him off the break, I can understand if you only JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS...

But then I can understand him too...I mean could I be with a dude that had Herpes...I mean that would be putting my own health at risk...but aren't we doing that anyways, I mean not everyone is as honest as she was...she cared enough about him to put herself out there about the situation...but he wants to be with a "pure woman" what does that mean?

I have no real answers for this situation, but it was really bothering me...and I am looking forward to your views and input...

Peace

Song of the Week:

Ok so here is the REAL deal, I am NOT I repeat I am NOT a P. Diddy fan...

BUT this is that JAM, when I say its that JAM...

I absolutely love love love this song....

He so does this whole rock thang in this video...

and you already KNOW that I love love love K. Coles....you feel me...





Now wasn't that the JAM....soooo
Last Night is the Song of the Week

Can't forget about you....

So how siced am I that this video is out...I love this song...its straight DOPE to me...CLASSIC even....




Ok Ok so now that you have watched the video, what did you think...doesn't she look GREAT! The only thing that I would have liked better was if her lipstick was a brighter red...but her look is CLASSIC...I am so going for that look the classic look and vintage...I love it...this and "Still Dreaming" are my favorite songs from the album...

So I had to hit you all with the latest...still sick...but had to hit you with the new music

Being sick sucks...

So I haven't been around folks, and its definitely for a reason, I have been out with the almight FLU...and let me tell you folks, this FLU this season ain't no joike...

When I say chill, fever, upchucking and some more EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE since late Sunday night....

I woke up Sunday feeling weak and achy all over but I didn't pay it any mind, but then Monday when I woke up and stuff was just, well lets just say I knew then I was sick....come MOnsay evening it was clear it was the FLU...

So that's where I have been people...out with the FLU...imagine a grown 26 year old independant single woman, sick as a dog...I mean really whatever weight I gained on the cruise and vacation has been let go, I KNOW I have lost at least 5 pounds, even if all it is, is water weight....

It also helps that no one else at my job can afford to get sick, heck I couldn't afford to get sick...so they understand...

So I am still feeling like crap but I am going to be getting back to the real world, little by little this weekend...this week its just been me, the over sized chair in the living room, crackers, ginger ale, movies, videos and the soaps....

So I will check everyone out and catch up with you...

Peace
ps...thanks for your concerns people