politics

i tend to NOT want to discuss politics and the like to much on my blog...i find that i much rather use this as a forum for my release...

HOWEVER, i have come acros SEVERAL blog posts that have been EXTREMELY enlightening and informative...so i wanted to just link em up so that you can go and look for yourselves...

i think that at this time in our lives, in this country, its time to take a stand...i for one have been hollerin to anyone who will listen to me for the past couple of years that the revolution will not be televised...meaning or basically stating that its time for us as a people of African descent to reclaim ourselves, our lives, our communities-our humanity and take a stand for the improvement... (yea its time for TC to get her PhD in history/african american studies) its time for me to make and take a stand and do something for my community (other than Kiamsha blog to follow)

with all that being said

check these out:

eighter from decatur
a picture says a million words
racism in my feminism...you don't say?

all of these posts are really informative and thought provoking so i urge you to check them out...

it has gotten me to think deeper about a lot of issues, one being, am i a woman or black first...and i don't think that i can separate the two...i am a black woman, my race and my gender go hand and hand in this modern society...but like Oprah said, "don't play me small"

peace people

music i am feeling

first up is a chick from across the pond with our favoritie "extra" artist....

Estelle-American Boy!




this song just rocks...i love her funky style...once i decide to go back to the perm, a fresh cut such as this is FIRST up...HA!

second is Ashanti's new single-the way that i love you....




now i am NOT an Ashanti fan at all, but she is singing her little heart out in this song...and i am feeling it...its like when she first came out all over again....

silence

for the last past couple of days i have been living in silence
i get up and turn nothing on
i ride in the total silence
i just live in silence...

for some reason the silence gives me an over arching peace, peace of mind...which is much needed...

i know that i will keep living like this for a while because it helps me quit my mind, and helps me listen to my heart...

its like i am trying to find myself again...one of my mentors said to me, "you are the realest of all my girls, and i don't like the feeling that you are becoming fake, you have to maintain your realness...."

she said this to me a couple of weeks ago but i have been processing that statement for a while...like wow...what seems fake...maybe because i don't talk to people as much anymore and i have found myself just being serious all the time...that's not me i like to enjoy life and enjoy just being down right silly...laughing, joking, smiling, talking trash...its amazing how outside forces can take such a toll on you and your spirit....

there are a lot of negative forces pulling on me right now, and i gotta shake it all off...

so i'll keep living in silence for a minute...so if i don't talk to you or email you...know its nothing but love...

i just have to be still and be silent....

rAdomneSS

so i bought a journal over the weekend-i haven't had a journal in YEARS like kept a journal on a regular basis...but basically with so much going on, so many different things happening at one time i determined that it would be good for me to start plotting down my intimate thoughts
i am actually finding that its quit helpful for me to just get stuff of my chest and out of my head so to speak....

yea so i have a lot of things coming through the pipeline...a lot of things that i am not necessarily happy about or liking so its pretty much up to me to make some changes...but basically all of these things will take time...so right now my patience is being test to like the UMPTH degree

but patience is a virtue....

you know who gets me, my mother...no matter how far off reach or how far i go off the deep end, or no matter how emotional or even irrational i can sometimes be, she gets me...and she accepts me for who i am no matter what...but i guess that's a mother's love...

i have figured out what i want my GREATEST accomplishment to me...my family! yep, i know i'll give back to the community, eventually i'll do trainings and workshops and information sessions...i'll do well in a career and all of that...but my greatest accomplishment in life, that i want is my family...you see because your family keeps you grounded, your family is your root...your family, husband and kids are those who mean the most in life...at least that's how i feel right now...but here is the kicker...i might not ever get to fulfill that accomplishment...

its like the conversation that i had this weekend...we are all so focused on making a "name" for ourselves, that we push and push and push in a career path and then we "make it" and guess what we end up alone...all alone not having anyone to share our lives with because we have been so totally focused on just having a career...

i was also asked this weekend "do you have enough patience to deal with someone who has their own business and could be gone for weeks at a time????"

wow...major question in deed...here is the thing, you can be married to someone and see them everyday and there is no bond or relationship, you can be married and have a long distance marriage and the bond is tighter than anything!

so that's the thing...it all depends on what each party is willing to put into the relationship. i am willing to be patient and understanding, but what are YOU willing to put into the relationship to sustain that bond, to continue to foster that growth between the two of us...

again, patience is the key because clearly i don't think that either one of us fully understands all that it will take to maintain a relationship across distances, time, and hectic schedules...

LIFE just seems to keep getting in the way

one thing that i DO know, is that working with the Kiamsha youth this weekend over their workshop, is THAT is what i LOVE to do! i got caught up in working so hard for this 9-5 that i forgot about the kids that need me and that love me and that i love...

like i said i have a lot of stuff to think about, figure out and all of that...but definitely starting to write down my thoughts and allowing myself to feel and work through those feelings good and bad will help me...

for example, how i WANT to buy so many different pieces...so many different dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, bags...and i just don't have the money and the extra money i do have or come across needs to go to paying down my debts so that i can be debt free, because my parents are plotting for me to buy their house...not that i want their house, but it would be a good move for me financially but its still a major step and a step i am not sure that i want to take...

i think it all boils down to me being tired of feeling like i have to fend for myself, its like when can i just have a break...but i won't or don't get a break...and no matter what, i have been pushing and i'll just have to keep pushing forward that's life you know, that's just life...

i am fighting my way out of this funk...and i am going to keep fighting...i have no choice...i come from a line of fighters in its in my blood, its in my DNA my general makeup...

but despite all of this confusion and stress...i am blessed and forever GRATEFUL...i have a home, i have heat, i have food to eat, i have a truck to drive, i have gas in my vehicle...i have wonderful parents that love me...i have home gurls that are doing big things, one works for ESSENCE, one who is working a 9-5 and still performing shows, one is a GREAT teacher, one is getting married to the love of her life, another one is a Pharmacists and just bought a house, one is a single mother and climbing up the ranks in county government AND going back to school, another one had to start all over with her undergrad degree but she did it! sistahs going out there living, loving and giving...

he is out there doing his thing, taking over the family business working 10-12 hour days, flying all over the country and despite what he may think i am truly proud of him and i know he'll be successful...

we are just all busy fighting through life...fighting to make things happen...doing what we got to do to survive and hopefully through it all we'll find peace and happiness...

shake my pom pom

okay now why was in the house shaking my pom pom...i mean i was getting it...grown woman getting it...

missy is on the ONE you hear me!

weekend of silence

from time to time i always say i am going to do NOTHING and then i end up doing SOMETHING

well for once, my body is really trying to tell me, ask me, BEGGGGGG me to do nothing...

still sick, still been coming to work, only took one day off, its time for some R & R...

i may need to head to the store to get some more OJ and healthy snacks but at least for tonight, i'll be at home in my chair doing nothing...

this also comes at a time when i need to do some thinking some mental cleaning as you will...

so many thoughts so many things going on in my head

i do know that i totally have some things in the works for me...positive things at that...so that will be a benefit...for example i just opened up a special savings account with my bank that will yield me a dollar per checkcard purchase so i'll save without even really thinking about it...that's a benefit for me

so yea still moving forward trying my best to do the BIG gurl thang you know and that's not always easy...but my 3pm conference call looks like its not a go...therefore i am about to be OUT this camp!

have a GREAT weekend family...it is in fact Friday so time to just hang out and chill...enjoy

sick of being sick

so i have been battling this THANG since i don't know the 11th of the month...what's that two weeks + now...it seems like it just won't go away...and you know why it won't go away becuase my crazy behind keeps working and running around and doing stuff knowing full well i need to be at home in my bed...

well guess what world, i am going to sign off and get right! i can't take this anymore, i at least need a day to rest and get myself together...at least...

so i am going to take a chill pill...

no work, no email, no phone, no NOTHING...

i'll holla in a couple of days....