Tuesday, March 19, 2013

to be loved...

remember when i used to count down the months when we first got married?
yea well I totally forgot about hitting 5 months, seems he did too
i googled "how long are you considered a newlywed"
and i got a lot of difference answers
one year and one day
two years and two days
until you have kids (that would mean a lot of folks aren't ever newlyweds, including us)
until you stop have fun together
until you decide

so that doesn't really give me any "real" answer

i'll go with the two years, i think that's what tradition has right?

so it was sad we missed that day, but life happens and it doesn't mean we aren't excited to be married it just means we ARE married

but in about 2 1/2 weeks it'll be our sixth month mark and i think i'll want to do something special, i don't know what yet, but i am hoping to do something even if its just dinner and NOTHING else

one thing i have learned in these short months is that being married and loving someone as THEY need to be loved is the most difficult thing you could ever do
we all have our own love languages and many times the language of a husband and wife is different. a wife may need gifts and the husband acts of service. and if the wife is constantly giving her husband gifts but isn't washing his clothes and cooking for him, she could buy him the world and he still won't feel loved.
so loving someone how they need it means loving outside of what you want and giving them what they want which is TOTALLY unnatural

so for example
i have to make my husband talk to me because words of affirmation make me feel loved but if you met him and you met me you'd be like how the world, because i talk (my nickname as a child was chatter box) and he does NOT! literally the man doesn't he's always been quiet and i have always NOT been...ha! another example is he loves acts of service like me cooking, and i dont' like to cook and don't ask me to cook breakfast other than eggo's i can't help you! but my dinner is slamming so to make him smile i'll cook for him and to make me happy once a week he'll talk to me LOL literally (i made a funny, did you laugh i hope so)

i think many young people don't make it like our parents did because we always feel like divorce is an option or even if we don't we don't know how NOT to sweat the small stuff we ALWAYS want what we want when we want it all the time AND we expect things to be perfect and always happy and easy

well honey LOVE ain't easy
it's work!
it's a job a full time 24/7, 365 job that isn't about you!
it goes
your spouse
your child if you have any
and then YOU

yes you spouse comes before your child and they come before you because loving someone means putting them first, to not be selfish and think about what you want or need all the time, but what they want and need and how they feel and what they dream
that doesn't mean you neglect yourself but you work to fulfill them and guess what if the other person feels the same way both parties are fulfilled
let me say that again, if BOTH parties feels the same way, both parties are fulfilled! BAM

in theory wonderful concept, in practice a lot of darn work!

but to be loved is to experience one of the most precious gifts ever


blkbutterfly82 said...

I'd just like to say that I really appreciate your posts about marriage. they give me hope! lol...

T.a.c.D said...

I'm glad to hear that! sometimes i wonder if i talk to much about the same thing, but it's my current situation you know...so I am glad you appreciate it :) I appreciate you coming by and commenting