no meat

that's what i am on this week

no meat

period the end

i am not doing the raw food diet but I am going to go without any form of meat this week

you can get your protein from other things like beans and plus i already drink BOOST daily because i don't eat red meat or pork anymore...

so basically i will be going without poultry and seafood this week

i started yesterday and i am pretty much doing a liquid thing with beans a lot of veggies/salad and tofu...

NO sauce either (i know)

just left the gym, i pretty much have been going every single day i did rest yesterday because Saturday i moved my girl P and being that she was on the top floor let's just say that was my workout for the day...it was worth it though she is SO happy

you know i love seeing the people in my life happy

i spent tim with close friends and family this weekend and even snuck in an extra day off, TODAY...i needed it i was tired i didn't do much but i guess my body is just tired

i have noticed that since i have started working out i am not nearly as hungry as i used to be...it may also be because i have started getting my calcium levels together to combat my vitamin D deficiency...man that thing causes mad problems including weight gain...so that explains a lot huh since i am allergic to all things lactose

anyways its amazing to me that people even out this age don't think before the "speak" or should i say text...really dude..classic

good thing is that i learned a long time ago that words don't mean much anything anyways...because unless you are acting on it then it won't matter much to me

so with that being said your girl is surely about to be about it

2010 is coming to a close really quickly and i have really accomplished some things but in other areas i have been straight BS'ing and really when it came to myself mentally, physically and emotionally have been slipping and have just been going with the flow of life and things

i am way to old now to just be going with the flow so i am taking action and focusing on myself...it feels good too because i am focused man....

so i am going to stay focused and cleanse my system

NO MEAT

let's see how long i can do this for

NOTHING

why is it soooooo hard for me to find some cute shoes, booties or boots this season!

i had the same issue last season...

just like the season before booties became popular i saw some and went running around looking for some and people thought that i was absolutely crazy...

i want something cute for this comedy show...why because i have been CHALLENGED LOL

so now i am looking for something, plus i haven't had a reason to really get dressed up or anything for anything recently...and i am kinda looking forward to being cute and looking cute...
hey i am still a girl you know...LOL

i already have my workout plan set, some other little things set, including my hair and i will be making my mani/pedi appointment

i just found out we get out 2 hours early tomorrow...wooohoooo...what does that really mean for me? the GYM! for not 1 hour but maybe even 2...why not push myself i have nothing else to do or i could just take Golden for a really good walk and then hit the gym...that sounds like a plan, it will be a switch up in the routine...and gets her a good walk in...i think i shall repeat this for the rest of the week...she'll be happy for sure

that's what i realized, i like going and working out because otherwise i would just be sitting at home doing absolutely NOTHING and while that is one of my favorite past times, especially after weekends like the one i just had with the kiamsha youth...lov them kids but man i can't run off of 2-3 hours of sleep like i used to

side note: i really enjoy how honest the Kiamsha youth are this year...they are dealing with stuff i can't even imagine and it really makes me feel like we really need to start something with Middle school kids, because its like by the time they get to us at 14 so much has already taken place or happened, and it seems to be a lot of it has to do with sexuality...then you think about it and everything is so hyper sexed now...i can see how they would be confused and curious...but curiosity kills the kat...literally these days...i need to think about this...

i am not as cranky this time as i have been before when i start to eat right...maybe because i know that it needs to be done...plus i have figured out that when you spread the little things out and eat more often you aren't as hungry and cranky...and i also think that working out helps me not feel as hungry either

i can't wait to get my hair done on Friday...man oh man...i need it done oh so bad...i can't wait to sit in that chair and get it washed...i love girlie stuff like that...and then i will definitely be getting a mani/pedi this weekend...and maybe a movie...i have yet to see "for colored girls" i hear its a really good cry so i could always use one of those as well...a good cry AND of course i want to see harry potter! so maybe i'll do TWO movies this weekend on top of all the working out and cleaning i'll be doing the house is a mess...and golden needs a bath...so plenty of work and chilling to be done this weekend...i think i shall enjoy it

let me show you...

the way to go

man i love music!

what in the world would i be doing right now if it wasn't for the music thumping in my ears right now

if you read this blog even in passing its pretty obvious how important and how much i need music in my life

at one point this year i was going through a phase were all my blog titles were the names of songs, that incidentally were probably playing at the time that i decided to write the blog post

today is one of those days i definitely need music because i am exhausted...i should have just gotten up at 4:40am this morning when my brother came yelling up the steps to Golden who evidently went to the bathroom by his bathroom at some point during the night...she tends to do that to him, she doesn't do that to me though...

so i am going to the kevin hart show in philly next month, or should i say i am planning to attend, depends on how things go with homie, but the tickets have been purchased...

soooo i need an outfit, especially after the CHALLENGE that was put out there today...
"i will be flyer than you at the show lol"
really homie
all i said back was "i can show you betta than i can tell you"

don't play me play lotto...CLASSIC

today i shall be embarking on the new gym by my house so we shall see how that works, they have the $10 a month no commitment agreement there and i really only need it for days off and the weekends because i like the gym at my job and it forces me to go straight from work...but i also need the option for when i am off every other friday and the weekends because i do like working out and i do like how it feels once i am done

i feel like i have done something for myself and that's a good feeling...

i am going through another phase

i wish i could show myself the friggin way right now

for the most part i am cool though, but really i don't have a problem telling people how i am feeling lately and i keep it moving...

i guess you just get tired of people thinking its one way and they have no clue at all who you are, none what so ever...

ok i am loud, i have a strong personality, i laugh, i joke, whatever...

but i am still sensitive and i still have feelings and you can't just say what you want and think it doesn't bother me...further more, i am not the butt of anyone's jokes...but its cool keep thinking what you want to think and thinking you know

you know what they say about folks who assume...

right...

exactly...

i am like an onion, i have many layers to me...some i am still figuring out so how do you think you have me figured out?

again its cool

i know who knows me and they don't judge, front or fake, they love me flaws and all and allow me to grow and help me to grow...that's all i need really

and i think that's what i have to do, i have to stop allowing people and their so called "opinions" affect me

i wish i could also show him the way...but i can't and i won't actually for that matter
its up to him to figure it out, all out...
i won't say i need for my life to be a movie, or a novel, but i would love for it to be a GREAT love song...

yep a love song...like the moon by eric roberson
or beautiful by musiq
or the truth by india or love of my life by Erykah or the way by Jill... or even we r one by Maze
i want the song or SONGS to come on and feel them in my soul not because that's what i want but because that's what i HAVE

but i as of right now its just always will by tweet because regardless you always will and i know that...but i want more than that..is that so wrong? to want more than this

patience

uggg i have no patience...i wish i could fast forward sometimes and see my life in like 5 years just see how it ends up

not knowing is what bothers me the most...but is it that i don't know, because i really do...

but i have to have faith right...that's the point of life-believing and having faith in that which we can't see or know right now

the reality is i live in my little house with my little dog and a not so little brother in my basement...all the other stuff isn't my reality and i know me i live for a good love song a good love story so i can't even get myself wrapped up in the "woulda shoulda couldas" of life

nope

i must live and continue to live in my reality and hopefully one day i'll have my love song, someone will love me enough to want to play out our own love song until the end

just one of them days...

when i am angry inside and i want to be all alone...

yep that's how i am feeling today

blown
angry
in pain
PMS'in
bloated

ugggggggggggg

times like this i don't even like myself

i had been feeling good because i have gotten back into a gym routine...here's what i have figured out though, i can't go home...period the end!

i have to pack a gym bag and go from work straight there and THEN go home because once home i won't feel like doing anything...

the metro is right there by the gym and i don't have to transfer

so let's just say i went from a high at the beginning of the week to this LOW

i don't like it i don't like all these friggin hormonal things that are happening with my body but more over i do not like all these emotional thoughts nor do i like this feeling of being drained like completely wiped out!

it sucks and i don't like it

there is a lot going on in my head and my heart right now that i am not liking or getting and its just going to take time to work through all these things

right now i just want to be quiet

i even cancelled my hair appointment for today because i am not feeling well and don't want to be bothered i don't even think i will be making it all day at work...as a matter a fact i KNOW that i won't make it all day at work today...

i just can't i want to be at home with my dog on my couch sleep....

i guess its just one of those days

i'd rather be by myself...

nothing else needs to be said!

sweet home Alabama

that's what i was supposed to had been singing tomorrow night

but NOPE i am not going

i am tired, drained and i am not feeling well

i want to see my parents though and if i could just box them two up and take them away with just me and them for a couple of days i would do just that

another part of me not going is Golden

seems my brother needs surgery and he won't be home this weekend, he was my sitter

i could have someone come and take her out twice a day but that's pretty mean to keep her locked up by herself all that time

i could also put her in a kennel, that's going to cost me a whole lot of money and i don't want my dog in no kennel PERIOD

yes call me crazy but i love my dog and i don't want anyone "taking care" of my dog

my mother is like i don't think its meant for you to come so just cancel everything out

i am sitting here at work trying my best to stay awake and trying to stay focused

do you know i went to bed last night at 9pm?! i was KNOCKED out like seriously...

who goes to bed that early anymore? i don't know people i am just tired

maybe me and the boo boo can go to the beach, she would like that...i might just go down to Chesapeake beach that's what 30 minutes from my house and we just walk around and enjoy some me time

you ever WANT to get away but you just don't have the energy to get away...
well that's how i am feeling right now...

I NEED A VACATION but i just don't have the energy to even take one!

silence

that's where i want to be

i want to sit in the corner in silence in a dark room by myself

that's it and that's all

i don't want to reflect

i don't want to talk

i don't want to care or be forced to care or to smile or anything that resembles an emotion

i just want to be silence

i wanted to write it all out, journal it all out

but then i couldn't

everyone, well not everyone, but people close to me, want to know what's wrong, are you ok? are you mad? what's wrong?

'ehhh' i don't know and right now i don't care

i just want to be silent

i don't even want to think

maybe that's why i have been so "on it" this week at work because working hard makes me not think about anything other than work

so if you don't hear from me, i am cool, i just prefer silence inside of myself and not the noise of the world or my thoughts for that matter