checking my fresh

or not so fresh attitude

man as you get older you have to take the rose colored glasses off people including yourself...
and man oh man have i come a long way but man oh man do i have a ways to go!

CLEARLY when anyone is stressed they can tend to be a little mean...well i was a LOT mean...and he was my punching bag, like any little thing he did i was ALL over it...bless his little heart for staying in there with me...

reality is i am not perfect and admittedly he thought i was up until that point...i know you guys are like what he thought she was perfect...but that's what he thought...

we got through it but man did i learn a lot about myself in the process like you really do not have to be mean to someone and when you need a break take a break like its not necessary to inflict pain others just because my life has been crazy...reality is i just wanted him around to make it all better but at the same time...yea i don't know

but i understand that you don't do that to those you care about...now don't get me wrong we all KNOW that in theory but i needed to learn how to love again...

that's it i am learning how to love not again, but to love in general...i have been through so much stuff and the walls are so high that i was just being mean to him...it was short lived but short is still to much...

we all have those moments they always say you hurt those closests to you but why...i dont' know maybe we think that they can take it, or maybe subconsciously we are testing them, whatever the reason is i know now not to treat him or anyone else like that...most of all i have learned not to treat ME like that!

i am going to learn to say NO that's right i have realized that me trying to be everything to everybody left NOTHING for me and when you leave nothing for yourself and you are just empty and drained you get mad and you get bitter...

so lesson learned

1 don't let it get like that! as much as i can i will make time for me even when life gets really hectic and will make sure that my heart, soul and spirit are taken care of

2 do NOT treat those you love care about care for, whatever, any which a way...they have feelings too...

3 i am not perfect and i can't do it all! so do what is in reason and keep it moving

i never want to let people down and in the end i let myself down because i have done to much...

yea i am all over the place

can you all relate? maybe you can maybe you can't...

learning to love (not again but like for the very first time) wow...another post another day