Monday, July 13, 2009

i rocked no bells

so yesterday i was supposed to go and see the rock the bells tour with Jac and a couple other folks...but i didn't make it...

all of a sudden on sunday morning i felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness i felt lonely (i know i am never alone because GOD is always with me) and just like i was out there all by myself...

see it hit me i am moving in my house this week and i am doing it all alone...my parents aren't here to see the house finished they aren't here to help me pack up and move and they aren't here to say well done...

i am making all these "grown up" decisions and i am doing it all by myself! CLEARLY you have to grow up some day but it would be nice to grow up with my parents 20 mins away and NOT 14 HOURS away...

so sunday morning i got out of bed and got on the couch and there i laid ALL DAY crying on and off at one point i balled so hard that i actually said "i want my mommy" and i did i meant it...

i didn't call her because hearing me upset would only make her upset...nor did i tell anyone that i was really upset except the three closest folks to me...my bestest tried her best to make me feel better once she really got that i was upset she even came by bless her heart

he didn't know how upset i was because i didn't tell him...he kept asking me was i ok because its not like to me to just lay all day and do NOTHING i mean i was in a daze i finally spoke up last night but for me its hard beacuse i have never really had folks i could lean on 100% don't get me wrong people have been there for me but i feel like i am always the one that takes care of folks but he made it clear that he's here for me too...

im just used to taking care of me and dealing with it and just trying to be everything to everyone else, that can be draining and you gotta take time for you...and let yourself deal with your issues!

so we shall see...i guess i had my breaking point we all have them from time to time and mines came yesterday i cried and cried and now today i am feeling a little bit more like myself i am not looking forward to the move this week through the weekend but hey you gotta put your BIG GURL pants on at some point...

my mom says she think i am doing a good job but you know you always wonder and in the end you just want to be happy and have everyone happy around you...

but the reality is

"you can't be everything to everybody but to those that get you-you'll be a jewel"

so to those that "get me" i mean really GET ME

THANK YOU!

2 comments:

Blu Jewel said...

aww suga! Hugs to you. You're going through a transition and it's okay for you to feel overwhelmed. Honestly, I think you did the right thing by yeilding to what you were feeling in order to get it out. Now, that's putting your big girl panties on; trust me.

You can now move on and keep a smile on that beautiful face and know that God's got this.

love to live; live to love!

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