ok, check it....

(off the break i stole that from jus)

but no seriously, my National Convention starts tomorrow...our Rally is Friday and I have meetings and the like in between everything that i have to do...
SO I won't be on here until Sunday at the earliest...

You all stay positive, stay focused, stay really real...

here is a little something that could hopefully get you through the week...

Up to you

You will never solve your problems by getting other people to change. The way to move beyond whatever is holding you back is to make positive changes within yourself.

The problem is not the particular situation you are in. The problem is the way you interpret and relate to that situation.

The problem is not the way you are treated by others. The problem is the way you allow the actions of others to affect you.

The problem is not what has happened in the past. The problem is that you're letting it continue to hold you back.

Take complete responsibility for a problem, and suddenly you are ninety percent of the distance toward solving it. For when you truly take responsibility, you gain real and powerful control.

Fully accept that it is up to you to get where you choose to go. And you'll find everything necessary to make it so.
-- Ralph Marston

Happy 1st Blogday!!!

So today is my happy 1st blogger birthday!!!! Man this is exciting for me...
as you all know i have been really hella busy and pretty stressed, so to actually take time out and reflect on my life, and this blog in particular is just what the doctor ordered...


Let's see i started a year ago today, yes I actually looked up my first blog entry...the person that got me into this was Mikesee...i was always reading his blog and commenting and figured that i had something to say....so i thought about it and decided ok, you know what TC its time...let's blog...


over the past year and 205 entry's i have discovered that i am a lot stronger than i thought, i have a lot more faith than i thought, i am wiser than i thought, cooler than i thought...you know i can honestly say that this blog has been a release for me and has truly helped me to grow...

the past 3 or so years have been really ones of growth for me...and sometimes with growth there are a lot of growing pains...but you know what...it is what it is and it will be what it will be...and i am honestly ok with who i am and where i am going...so all and all life is pretty good you know...

so as i sit and think about my past year...here are some of my favorite blogs that come to mind, in no particular order....

Pursuit of Happyness

around the way gurl

in the ghetto

Unbelievable

I guess its also extremely fair to say that a lot of my growth has come from the relationships that have been established in blog land...so I shall run down my people's....

A woman on the move: what can i say about you...i know i love to read your honest and wit...you are sharp, smart secure and sexually aware...i can't remember how i came to your spot...probably sufferin, but man am i glad to know you-i've learned a whole lot of things from yousistah

blu: what can i say, i think i found you through jus or jac, either way I am happy i did...you are always dropping and knowledge and encouraging me...and you spit that real truth...love it...

b.m.w.: new to the list, found you through jac, and glad i did...you works are beautiful and its good to get the point of view from a brotha from time to time

constantly inconsistant: the person i stole this idea from...i found you through jus and wanted to check you out...what can i say, you are a strong, smart little sis...the artistic expression, your drive, you remind me a lot of me when i was in undergrad...keep pushing...just keep pushin

danger: another brotha on the list...i love the way you write and express yourself-i love your persepctive on a lot of things, ummmm can we say male version of me, well in some aspects of life at least right....

dat MF: another brotha, new to the blog list, and funny as all get out....HENCE the reason he is listed...

dc_speaks: new to the crew, but i can already tell you gonna be dropping that knowledge

Deepnthought: you have a beautiful tender spirit, not to mention, your family stories are OFF the HOOK and remind me of my own...its your honestly and openness that keeps me coming back for more

e.: (i just realized i have more brothers on here than i thought) i love your "remember when" and "dime lines" you are so honest and open and candid...love it...and of course of love the rotation on the blog...gots to love the music

GMo: you are like that older cool brotha that makes you laugh, but drops that knowledge without even trying to, its just in what you say, you do, you drop it...

honey: my baby...i love following your life and watchin you grow and how things are turning out...i love your honesty and how you share, the good the bad and the ugly...but you still seem to keep a smile on your face...most importantly every week you remind me why I should know i am blessed-i love it!

HonorableMedia: new hotness...music whatever, this is where you go to hear the new stuff

it is what it is: my sistah! my twin in so many ways....we are so extra and dramatic! HA! i love the way you write and express yourself...i love how you let us into your thoughts and how you feel, that's BIG...so thank you for that...& thank you for hooking us up with the latest gossip ALL THE TIME

learning me & loving it: the title says it all...another one of my sistah's that joined and i am grateful for it because i get to see into her thoughts, her heart...

JAC: wow! what can i say about you...well let's see the blog actually let's me keep up with you (being that you are 3000 miles away), it lets me know your thoughts, and lets me read your writing...so i don't feel so far away from you...you also got me hooked on so many of the blogs listed...so Thank you!

Jus: my BIG SIS!!!! man....its a true sistahood thang too, you know...we bonded off the break, and when you say you will always be there you will...you start my weeks off with prayer and you let me wonder how come and you always make me laugh...you are beyond words...THANK YOU for all you do....

KC: who knew?! who knew your little butt was as funny as you are...you don't talk to much, so half the time i have NO idea what so ever what you are thinking...but when i read your blog i get to look into that crazy mind of yours...and man is it funny as hell!

MikeSee: my brother...what can i say about you....ummmm....you always offer the male perspective and you always keep us up to date on music, movies, and most of all consciousness...you are the reason i started this all...and man am i thankful!

Noblestone: lil brotha kep...always aware always conscious always willing to start the debate...stay focused man, stay strong...stay true to yourself

teej: dude you crazy, you know that...i look forward to my weekly list, i look forward to your comments...another conscious guy that is always willing to let the sistah's know the real deal...gotta love the chi

urbanbuttefly: i lov lov lov your work...your words speak to me, every single time i come to your page i think i am going through something just like it or similar or something....thank you for sharing your words with the world....

To all of you i don't know how i found half of you, either by one of my core bloggers or something like that...but i truly appreciate you coming into my world and letting me into yours...for me its all about being around positive people and learning and growing and Gold Time of Day, definitely helps me to do that...I love this blog! What it stands for, what it does for me, and hopefully what it does for you too...its been a helva year and i look forward to growing and sharing for many more to come!

Peace, love, happiness...and all that jazz

thanks for nothing

so why is it that i can't ever do absolutely nothing...

Friday i did do nothing...so i will say that i did chill that day

but Saturday
i was still up by like 8am...cleaning and washing my hair...i finally sat down around 2pm or so and decided to take a nap...wouldn't you guess it...as soon as i decide to take a nap the phone rings...

he wanted to hang out (now mind you i had already set in my head that i wasn't going to see him at all this weekend because Sunday was father's day and he was hanging with him mother and father on Saturday-BUT the family was faking on whether or not they were going to cookout Saturday or Sunday, and he decided that he wanted to spend time with me...)

Ok, that's not bad, still doing nothing...and that's what we did nothing...hang out and watch tv and do nothing...

Sunday
some drama goes down early in the morning...has me upset but you know what can you do...its father's day and i need to get to my parents house to hang out with my family and help my mother clean our her cabinets since she is getting her new kitchen this week...that was cool...it was hot as hell outside but my brother grilled and washed all the cars and trucks (including mines) while we cleaned out the cabinets....

my father laid in the bed per his usual...but you know hey i got to hang out...

i got back home around 6:30...had to roll my hair and things and all of that...

but i sat in the house and was just quite for a while last night...

This morning i got up and was still tired, still drained, still needed to find peace of mind....geesh...

family members diagnosed with cancer
my grandmother (Madea) totalled her car last week...
just stuff going on....

this getting grown thing can be a lot on you at times...

but i got on all white today....you know how sometimes dressing up makes you feel better
i listened to my gospel and i am just dealing...

NO i am not sad or upset or in a bad place...it is what it is sometimes you know...

nothing

i look forward to doing nothing tonight and tomorrow, my body is tired, my mind is tired my soul is tired...
i am simply tired...
i have been running for the past i don't know how long...i have just been constantly running and its catching up with me, i have been fighting a cold all week, my sinuses, my body aches and most of all my mind is cloudy from all of this running around...

so i am going to take a moment and just have some peace...
gather my thoughts, get some rest and just simply have some peace...i have no where to go and nothing to do once i am done with Music & Morals tonight and until Father's Day...

so i will do just that...

NOTHING

i hope you all have a GREAT weekend...

rAndomneSS (V)

ok so i am no longer emotional, but i will say this...i HATE my cycle....i hate it i hate it i hate it...
i got sick as a dog this month...uggggg

have i said that i am blessed lately....well i am!

my parents are the GREATEST parents in the world and i love them dearly...
my Madea hit a cow the other day, totalled her car and walked away from it...
GOD is GREAT!
if you don't know you betta ask somebody...

let's see a few of my girls are either getting married, having babies, or growing to be IN love...that's a GREAT thing...

well what about me, you maybe asking??? some things i would rather keep to myself...

oh, he quit his job this week, wants to go back to graduate school full time...
how do i feel? GREAT! Do what you gotta do, is the way i look at it...his schedule was such that he couldn't possible go to school and be a Jr. Executive...wasn't possible...to much travel, to many long hours...so I say go for it! you like it i love it...as long as you are happy...i am happy...
i am actually rather proud of you for not letting money dictate your life, but rather going after your dreams and goals...so my hat goes off to you...if you ain't worried about getting by then im not either....

my job is the GREATEST learning so much but loving it too...

my hair is a mess, my toes/nails need to be done some kind of bad...can we say ME day on Saturday!!!! yes...we sure can!

well i gotta get some work done....

as you can see nothing that BIG going on in my life...everything is everything...

I'll leave you with this:

The most important day

This is the most important day in your life. Because this is the day that you are now living.
If your life is headed in an undesirable direction, this is the day you can change it. If there are dreams you are longing to fulfill, this is the day you can follow them.

This day, right now, is the day when you can put to use all the knowledge, experience and wisdom you've accumulated. On this very day, you can do the things you've been meaning to do and connect with the people you've been meaning to see.

On this day, you have a world full of choices. On this day, there are more possibilities than ever before.

Of all the days you've ever lived, and of all the days to come, this is the one special day that now matters the most. For it is on this very day that you can now think and speak and act and love and live.

Give yourself a quiet, peaceful moment, and grasp the immense value that is now yours on this very day. Then step forward and fill it with beautiful life.
-- Ralph Marston

emotional...

ok so today i am extremely emotional...

yes i am emotional...i am sensitive, all over the place and things that wouldn't normally bother me are getting to me, slowly but surely...

i am not the type of woman that tends to have PMS or PMDD bad...but man i have it today...JCroft has written about this...so i know others that experience it, and man am i experiencing it today...

and what makes it worse is that HE has quit the little attitude, now don't take me for my word about this, because it might again be because i am emotional...but i hadn't talked to him all firggin day and he calls only to say HI and to let me know that he was at the new facility today and will be there for a while and he has a LOT of work to do...

so i immediately go into my supportive GF role and say "you'll get through it and i will support you, and i am here for you...." you know the whole, I am here for you, will hold you down spill...its not really a spill, its the truth, but even in my emotional state, i dug down deep and pulled it out of me, just so that i could be there for him, because i can tell he is drained and stressed well he doesn't say anything in return...and that was basically the end of the conversation...dude you could have at least said "thank you, momma/baby" something....

ok, how about i don't feel like talking to you and your raggedy butt no time soon...sure you sound stress and maybe that's a given, but just last week you appreciated me and know what you have and today you can't even say THANK YOU....

go kick rocks....

so see as you all can tell i am a tad bit emotional...the dude has been at work since 5am and probably been busting his butt, but i don't care all i care about is the fact that i was being supportive and he didn't care...

in the grander scheme of things this doesn't even matter...but today with my head, neck, back and stomach hurting....with my emotions being all over the place, today was not the day for his little pissy attitude...today is MY day for a pissy attitude....

and you know what imma keep it....so there!

200

so as of today i am past 200 posts (this marks 201) wow....BIG accomplishment right...

i don't know what exactly i want to do, i for dag on sure am not going to list out 200 thoughts or things about me like i did for the 100 post...

i think i'll do something big for my First blog Birthday....that's this month too...

so wow in less than i year i have posted 200 items...all about something that was going on in my life, something i was feeling, or something that i had seen or heard or something...

just something about my life...

i came to blog world through Mikesee, he put me on...he has been bloggin for a couple of years and i would just follow his life through his blog and comment...then last year i decided that i wanted to start expressing myself...

i found that this place has afforded me a release, i can say what i want when i want in MY HOUSE...its such a pure feeling to just get things off my chest...sometimes the things make sense, sometimes they don't...i tend to just write what comes to my mind and makes me happy or feel better...just because that's what I want to do...

i have also found quit a few kindred spirits in blog world...women and men, who are really grounded, there is even a sisterhood of bloggers...and that my friends has been the BEST

so today i sit back and reflect and I am totally glad that I was able to find a place of release and thus peace through my blog...

so happy 200 t.c.

I choose you....

don't know why but i LOVE this song...

its not the most politically correct and let's face it its NOT all that positive for women...its about pimpin for goodness sake...or leaving pimpin behind or not understanding how someone can leave pimpin behind or continuing to be pimpin....

but let me be real, the hook ROCKS and I like this song...


so what ya think? you can't tell me this doesn't rock

justice for all OR the whole system's corrupt

now mind you i went to school to become a lawyer that's what i wanted to do, make a difference in society by making sure that we achieved the GREAT "Justice for ALL" thing...

well as i went off to college and realized that, that wasn't going to happen, and graduated and started working 10-12 hour days at a law firm, i realized that wasn't what i really wanted to do...but really it is stuff like the crap i read this morning that really makes me sick to my stomach and glad that i work in the non-profit would to make the world a better place...

sure as you go through life, its expected that your goals and aspirations would change, but a lot of times, you may wonder if you were right in your shift or your change...

well CRAP like this,

Paris Hilton is released from jail after only serving 3 of her 23 day sentence...

you mean to tell me this heifer couldn't even do a REDUCED sentence and now gets to chill at home for 40 days and make money off of her "terrifying experience" in jail...

...this mess makes me sick!

reaffirms my determination that the system does not work for the betterment of ALL individuals but works "better" for those who have that cream, the almighty green, the dollar....UNLESS you would be a "good example" to make people know that certain folks aren't above the law, ie Lil Kim.....

this might also be hitting home for me because the dude that broke into my house, remember that, is up for sentencing tomorrow and will more than likely get a fairly liberal sentence because he will be in front of a fairly liberal judge...

now don't get me wrong, I think that we don't spend enough money in crime prevention (such as after school programs and education) and rehabilitation (i believe that we should have never stopped letting criminals be rehabilitated-how about we could really stop the revolving prison door if we really wanted to)

so i guess that's what pisses me off even more, star's like this brat get a brake, and everyday citizens don't....she could give a flying fart in space, she is going to keep right on drinking and acting a fool because she feels like she is untouchable, and why shouldn't she...she basically got off....

and its not just her, if you got money, you get off...that's the message we are sending to the American public, our young people...

I know that this was a rant and it doesn't really go into detail and is all over the place, but i was pissed and needed to vent...so there...

appreciation....

have you ever have someone tell you how much they appreciate you and your relationship? like just sit and break stuff down about you that you never even thought that they recognized or realized...and then you realized you weren't crazy this person really does care about you the way that you thought...you weren't crazy your feelings aren't going unnoticed...

to have someone say to you:

I appreciate you, I recognize how wonderful you are, you have morals, values, you are strong and steadfast, you have a good work ethic at your job, in your relationship, your prarents should be proud of the way they raised you...i recognize what i have...

wow...that took my breathe away

the thing is, so much more was said, you poured out your soul for 30 minutes, and i must say that my heart my soul, my spirit is smiling...its souring right now...

thank you for appreciating me

make up, movies, rain, & babies...

yea i know that sounds really weird right???

but hey that was my weekend...

Friday

the wedding...it was lovely and full of love, but man was it crazy getting there...who knew being in a wedding took so much out of you? you got to do all kinds of running around and things...up to get my hair done, got to grab something to eat, get down to the house so that i can get my make up done and get dressed, take pictures then get in the limo for the ceremony....we actually did pretty good...we only ran about 30 mins late, 15 of those because of us, and the other because of the limo...the ceremony wasn't long, but man did it feel like it standing up there in those uncomfortable shoes...then more pictures and off to the reception (which was in the same location as the ceremony) and then YES food! and relief for my feet...dag on right i brought me some flip flops....

here is me at the reception (better quality photos to come-i took this with my phone):

Saturday

up cleaning the house and relaxing...it was date day for me and HIM so we went to lunch, hung out at a local outlet mall and went to see Spider Man 3 and watched the end of the Playoff game between Cleveland and Detroit...

i must admit it was a GREAT afternoon/evening...we had gotten into it, earlier in the week, HENCE the "I need to be silent" post, but we actually did a lot of talking on Friday and Saturday-and we both have a better understanding even more now...he and i have had our ups and downs but seems like we getter closer after the fall out, but i guess that's really how its "supposed" to be right???

you are supposed to learn from your mishaps/misunderstandings/mistakes and get stronger...so i learned a lot about me, him and us...and i think he did too...

Sunday

it was raining...bad...so it was a lazy day....until i had to go to my LS's baby shower...i was stuck in traffic for like 2 hours, but i finally made it...and it was wonderful...then i went home and chilled out...

it was truly a GREAT weekend...full of love and joy!

like i am tired and this week and weekend looks like it won't be any different...HE is going to Chi-town for a week and a half so I won't see him this weekend, but i have a graduation party and two baby showers to attend so i'll be plenty busy....

I hope that everyone has a wonderful week....i'll be back...

peace