263 days

that's how long i have before i become a m.r.s.

can you believe it?

i have my venue
i have my dress, my veil, my jewelry, and i know what shoes i want

i know what dresses i want the girls to wear
you name it, its done

that's a good thing

i have yet to really process the meaning of being a wife and a mother

i need time to do that
i need time to purge and make room in my house

i need to do a lot of things not even so much externally but internally
i need to work on my patience
i need to learn to be more positive and enjoy the little things a lot more than i do now

there are a lot of things that need to get down in the next 263 days

but the good thing is i know that i am up for it

i just have to really get out of this selfish state that i currently find myself in
i don't want to do a lot of things i know i wife must do
you know like let stuff go
trust him to make the right decision
things like that

don't get me wrong the man has proved to me that he knows how to make a decision
however, this is the blessing and the curse of getting married in your 30s
you know how to take care of yourself and you know what you want
but those same things can put you in the mindset of I don't need no man

ha
but i do want one and the one i want is HIM

so we'll make it work
and i know it will be OK

still

hasn't set in yet that i am engaged but it has set in that i am getting married?

doesn't sound right and it isn't...
i am presently being pressed out to find a venue and select a date
and while i get this need, without the venue you can't have a date...and a lot of times the venue determines the date

i wasn't prepared for picking colors or different ones
finding dresses for the girls
finding a dress for myself
thinking about flowers
budget and more budget

all these things that really only encompass ONE day of my life!
that's it just ONE

i am doing all that is required because well i am picky, he is picky and we want things done a certain way...but at the same time i am also really ready to focus on the two main things:
being a WIFE and being a MOTHER

those are the two things that I personally need to work on

and the best way for me to do those things is to work on and strengthen my relationship with the Almighty

I need to talk to strong women in Christ that understand what it takes to be married

we got into this weekend, nothing major as we tend to bicker over minor things, and it hit me that i can't just up and leave, i can't up and just let it be, we have to WORK it out and through it

I need patience
he needs understanding

we both need a lot of things actually

so i am just looking to work on the things that we need in pre-marital counseling...both spiritually and practically...

i need to understand my purpose as a Wife biblically speaking and i need to know his expectations
i also need to understand his expectations as a mother to lil D...

i also need for him to know my expectations...

so although i am planning a wedding
i am focused on my marriage...

i refused to just get caught up in a day for 300+ (i know insane but that's the number) people but the FOUR at the center of it all-HIM, me, O and lil D